Calm Among Chaos: Preparing for Stressful Events

For all of us, life will have moments of stress.  In fact, it would be unrealistic to believe that any of us could ever have a completely stress free life, because even positive events, such as births, holidays, and even weddings are full of stress related concerns.  So foreseeing the arrival of stressful events can help us prepare for good self-care for the duration of any event that requires a higher level of endurance for our body and mind.

Most often we are able to see the coming arrival of an event that we know will require more of our time and energy, and it's at these times that special attention needs to be paid to giving extra effort to everything from good nutrition and sleep schedules, all the way to gentle exercise and proper hydration.

Taking a good inventory of all the ways you tend to neglect yourself during stress can help you to make a check list of things to keep close in mind in order to perform good self care when a special, or unplanned event is entering your life and raising anxiety.

Do you tend to forget to eat when stressed?  Or maybe forget to take in enough water?  Maybe you stay up too late focused on projects related to your stressful event and end up with fatigue that only hinders stress all the more.  Sometimes we can work for prolonged hours on projects and forget to take breaks or stand up to stretch, and this only leads to even more stress in the body.  Or maybe your Achilles' heel is that you have poor time management and tend to end up with a lot of unfinished bits to a project that only increases stress all the more.  

Knowing yourself and your tendencies during stress can help to prepare a plan of good self-care when you know stressful events are coming up on the schedule.  So building your self care right into the hectic schedule has got to be top priority.

Here are some ideas to help you prepare when you know a stressful event is coming:

• Schedule your meal times for the duration of the event and stick to them faithfully
• Make sure the nutrition you take in is healthy and helpful to fuel your body for the duration of the stressful situation
• Plan to carry hydration with you at all times
• Set scheduled times to go to bed and use mindfulness breathing exercises to prevent a wandering mind
• Limit the hours you will work each day on your stressful event and stick to the time frames
• Take breaks to go walk, move, stretch, exercise and get away from the technical tasks
• Avoid unhealthy coping behaviors during the stress such as alcohol or other substances, but also other kinds of addictions that can surface during stress, such as spending, over-eating, gambling, and other similar types of poor coping styles.

Since we can be guaranteed that there will be stressful events in life, the basic summary is to know yourself well and how best to help yourself cope during these stressful events when they arise in your life.

"To experience life does not mean that your life is always blissful.  It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of hectic life."  Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD.(Author of My Stroke of Insight)

Thanks to Water Alternatives Photos for the great photo https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/

Creativity: The Stress Reduction Solution

As the COVID situation drags on here in America, stress levels remain high, as does depression and discouragement.  But one thing human beings have that perhaps other species do not is the power of creativity.  And during this time of isolation, quarantine, work-from-home, unemployment, and illness, it's important to use that power of creativity--more than ever before--to make your world something you can live with and thrive in.

Over the years our society has become adapted to high levels of entertainment.  From the constant availability of our phones and computers, to the endless ongoing events such as concerts, nightclubs, plays, and movies.  Local community guides have typically always had things to go do and give a try, and there has rarely been even the rainiest day that we cannot find something to keep us busy.  But COVID is challenging us to come up with many of these things on our own now.  Concerts and restaurants are closed, and even if one does find an event going on, it's not quite the same with the need to wear a mask and keep a distance of at least six feet, which changes the experience of most things entirely.

So now is the time to use the creativity that comes with this unique larger brain we are so proud of.  Let's not let its propensity of survival (i.e., to think of the worst-case-scenario in order to survive) bring us to our knees with discouragement.  In fact, in this age of modern technology--which is guaranteed to keep us distracted until the extinction of our species--this is the greatest opportunity we could ever imagine of getting a shot at learning to do something other than what we've been repetitively and ceaselessly doing every day for years.

Our stress comes from wanting things to be other than what they really are.  And right now, many things are changed.  And for many of those changed things, it does not look promising that things are going to go back to the way they were.  So continuing to want them to return to the way they were only causes suffering.

Instead, it's important to move on.  Let go of what was prior to COVID arriving, and begin to get creative now about the present and how it will shape the future.  Stress levels will only rise by  hanging on to a dead corpse, but stress levels can fall with acceptance of reality, which removes the oppressive feelings brought on by a refusal to let go of the way things once were.  COVID has changed the world and it's important to lift our heads from the steady focus we've had them on just to get through it, and now look up and look around us to see this changed world.

For instance, the world of work has just changed for good.   When COVID is long gone, this change will still remain.  It's possible we've just now entered an entirely different world of work-from-home that will alter everything from the commercial office industry to traffic statistics.  A large percentage of jobs may be changed now forever, and if we aren't going back, then we must adapt.  Change is hard and frustrating at first, but once the adaptation is made, forward momentum can pick up again.

So go ahead and mourn the loss of the way your life was before COVID.  It's important to mourn and get the feelings processed.  But then it's time to also process what the losses mean.  Yes, it's disappointing to not be able to get back to where we were before this all started, and most would admit they've held that desire in the back of their mind since it all began.  But the truth is, things are on a forward moving path and there is no going back.  It's time to decide now how you will create a new life for yourself in this continually changing situation. 

Stress levels remain high, but they can be lessened by tapping into the creativity of the human brain and coming up with new ways of functioning now regardless of if that is at home or work.  Don't wait for your favorite entertainment venue to reopen so you can once again be entertained.  Better is to be creative and think outside the box for safe and enjoyable things to do on your own.  Don't let giving up be the only option.  Adapt and thrive! 

Thanks to Don Miller for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

COVID-19: Normalizing Feelings (Extra April Blog)

April 2020  EXTRA COVID BLOG

I know a lot of people have lost their jobs recently in a short amount of time.  Many can’t afford to see a counselor right now, so I want to share what you might find psychologically helpful, without stepping into a therapist's office.

As a counselor I know the importance of normalizing situations for clients.  In other words, helping them see how what they are going through is similar when compared to, or sized up to, what others in a similar situation are going through.  So let me tell you the key themes I’ve noticed while offering online counseling, during the first 4 weeks of the COVID situation.

Week #1:  If you felt like you were being pushed rapidly by a wave of energy that was demanding of you to go home, work from there, and figure out how to make that just “happen” nearly overnight, you were not alone.  Many people went through waves of awareness and denial while trying to sort out if the situation was serious enough to even warrant a plan to work from home.  As one business and school after another closed, most people began to realize--this is real.  For others it meant that work just ended, income was stopped, and the future was a sudden blank slate--empty of information.

Week #2:  During the second week of COVID if you were feeling angry and frustrated that you had no choice but to work from home, be laid off, or cope with a situation you could not control--you were in the norm.  It’s like when you go through the grief process and get through your shock and denial, and then comes the anger.  Many people were mad that their lives had been disrupted and they had no choice but to stay home, go without pay for many, and live a much more limited life.  Favorite places were closed, familiar items were no longer available, and needed items were vanishing from the shelves too fast.  So if you were grumpy on week two, you were pretty much in the norm.

Week #3:  A lot of depression and anxiety set in during week #3 as folks began to wonder, “how long is this going to last” and, “when will we be getting back to normal”.  I think people were trying their best to endure and hold out in hopes this whole thing would be over soon.  But realizing that it was only getting worse led to a lot of anxiety about what is to come (the unknown) and depression about what’s been lost, changed, or place outside of everyone’s control.

Week #4:  This week it was clear that folks have been starting to feel suffocated and closed in upon by those they are living with, and are now forced to be around much more than before the stay-at-home orders and social distancing set in.  If you are feeling this, you are having pretty normal feelings as this seems to be what’s happening in many households right now.  So no, you’re not "losing it".  Those around you are feeling the same thing.

I know a lot of people are afraid and fearful after losing jobs and possibly income.  And since I know not everyone can afford psychotherapy right now, I’d like to share with you what you might already know from your own experiences of these first 4 weeks of COVID-19.  If it helps you in any distant way--via this writing--to gain some free counseling information, here it is:

On week one I recommended that people create a structured schedule for themselves that included exercise, bathing, brushing their teeth, walking, house cleaning, laundry, and time away from those they live with.  Week two I encouraged folks to find new outlets for their emotions because the kinds of things they used to do to release tension are in many cases no longer available right now, such as fitness centers, bars, restaurants, and shops they once visited.  On week three I focused on mindfulness practices to help clients bring the mind back to the present instead of focusing on the “what-if” thinking about the future, and catastrophic thinking that leads to anxiety symptoms, or the could-of, would-of, should-of thinking that focuses on the past and leads to symptoms of depression.  This week (week 4), I focused on normalizing as it is common to believe that when you are in some difficult and unfamiliar or unpredictable situation or emotions, that you are somehow outside the norm.  (i.e., “losing it”, or “crazy”), etc.  Nope!  It’s pretty normal right now to be feeling cooped up, suffocated by loved ones, a little irritable about the demands of others, and that you could just used a little space.

Since COVID-19 is a new situation, we don’t have much to compare it to that can tell us what week 5 will be like.  For most, each of the prior week’s emotions and feelings has been unfolding as time creeps on.  But I can tell you what I’m beginning to see little hints of, and that is the incredible creative spirit of the human being.  In my area, Denver, people have begun going outside and “howling” at 8pm to acknowledge all the efforts being put in by everyone, including nurses, MD’s, volunteers, those who still have to work, and those who are struggling with sudden unemployment.  My own personal interpretation of the howl is that I hear it as a “don’t give up” trumpet in the early evening, a “we see you and are with you” message that we can all get through this.  It has in it a “we’re all in this together” and “you are not in this alone” message that is that part of the human being that we’ve all been hoping is still there.  That creative, kind, and loving part of the human being that has in it the ability to stretch and think outside oneself about a greater cause.

Don’t be mad that your fellow citizens bought up all of the toilet paper.  They were just scared and all of us had an expression of fear in some way or another over the last 4 weeks, be it buying toilet paper, or stocking up on sanitizer and meat.  What’s important now is that we flow with the creative human spirit that is surfacing, which will (and can) show us the way out of this.  If we didn’t have a collective human sense of self-esteem, we’d of never been able to come together and do what we need to do now to save as many of us from death as possible.  If you ever lost hope about whether we humans can come together to save our planet, look at this COVID situation to cheer yourself up.  As you can see, we are capable of coming together if we try.  The last four weeks have shown us that we are capable of such unification.

Thanks to Sawtooth for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

COVID-19: Perseverance and Stress

If you are treading water right now just to keep your head above water, you are not alone.  All across America, people are struggling to regain their balance from the foundational shake that COVID-19 has brought to the country.  What's the most important thing to keep at the forefront of your mind during this crisis?  It is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not give up!  Perseverance is important not only because giving up won't solve, or even help a problem, but it's also important because you won't find out how strong you really are if you give up.

We frequently hear about the importance of resilience as a trait that helps people bounce back from trauma or hardship.  But what about the skill of endurance?  Endurance is when we demonstrate the ability to sustain a difficult situation for a prolonged period of time.  And that is what COVID-19 is asking of us all.  That is--enduring quarantines, and showing the staying power we find within ourselves to withstand Stay-at-Home orders whenever they are put in place.

Endurance also has a lot of determination and consistency in it.  With COVID-19 we are repeatedly asked to show consistent behavior of change when it comes to not touching our face, and washing our hands, or not shaking hands, and keeping a six foot distance from those around us.  But the virus situation has also lead to economic scare and financial fears, anxieties and insecurities that will also require staying power.  You might be about to discover how much you can live without and it's very important that you face these challenges to the best of your ability.

One thing that keeps us from finding our inner sense of endurance and staying power is Catastrophic Thinking.  In this kind of faulty thinking we not only imagine the worst case scenario (something life-threateningly dangerous), but we also add to that imagined scenario the belief that we would never be able to handle the worst case scenario.  "I'd lose my job and income, and then I'd not be able to support my family, and then I'd lose the house, and then we'd have to move to a smaller place", and so the line of continuous downward spiraling thoughts go.

What's not considered in this kind of thinking is the idea that even if things got that bad, you might discover (with staying power and determination) that you actually could survive these difficult situations.  They would not be pleasant or enjoyable, and of course, no one wants them to happen.  But if they did happen, consider the idea that you could survive them.  You still have all your fingers and toes after job loss, and you can still live and breathe in a smaller living area, and you could live on less, and so on.

Marathon runners know all about endurance, but so do those who are oppressed.  The runners literally know how to keep putting one foot in front of the other and the oppressed have no choice but to put one tired and frustrated, psychological and emotional foot in front of the other.  Both teach us that giving up is not only unwise, but also not necessary.  You can survive this difficult time, through all of its anxieties and hardships.  And in doing so you will discover a side of yourself that you never knew was there all along.  If your anxiety is taking hold and fear is setting into your bones--be it about illness or poverty--, challenge your Catastrophic Thinking right now and put a stop to allowing hopelessness to take root.  You are so much more than you think you are, and capable of twice as much.

Thanks to Gabriel S. Delgado C. for the dynamic photo.
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Reducing Stress: Putting your New Year's Resolution on the schedule

New Year's resolutions get a bad rap.  Sometimes folks are afraid to even make them for fear they will be broken before January 31st.  Many fitness centers know this drill well.  New membership rises just after the first of the year and new arrivals fill the centers with people full of vigor and determination.  But by February and March, the facilities fall back to normal attendance as all the health dreams begin to fade away.

If your New Year's resolution includes a focus on stress reduction, you can reduce the risk of the "gradual fade" by building your new stress reduction activities right into your schedule until they become a new part of your daily life.

In the same way you make sure to add your dentist appointment or oil change into your day timer, the focus and activities for daily relaxation need to be included in the same way.   Sometimes it's just a matter of writing the self-imposed new activity into your time plans, just as you would carve out the time to go get a haircut or pick up groceries.

When it comes to relaxation and stress reduction, it's easy to get in the habit of brushing aside the things that are on the schedule for self-care, such as getting a massage, going to the day-spa, or planning time to read that good book you've been meaning to get to.  Putting these items on the schedule also means keeping those appointments with yourself and not cancelling out because other stressful things have begun to crowd your life.

For your success at the new 2020 resolutions, try to include making a vow to put the new relaxation items on the daily schedule and reinforcing that vow with a promise to oneself to not override those relaxation events when stress starts crowding out the limited time schedule.  Consider these events as essential as laundry and putting gas in the car.  Without them you are not clothed with calm energy or supplied with centered transportation.

In the New Year, make a promise to keep your stress reduction appointments with yourself and be a reliable and steady customer.  The only one that can show up for these events is you.

Thanks to mrhayata for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Transforming Suffering to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

In Buddhism the lotus flower is very symbolic for the path of enlightenment.  It's the lotus flower that grows up out of muddy water and represents a person's journey through suffering in life (i.e., rising up out of that mud to become a beautiful flower).  It's actually the mud itself that makes you strong.  Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a book about this called, "No Mud, No Lotus:  The Art of Transforming Suffering."  

Now, this doesn't mean we should go around looking for things to suffer about.  Life offers plenty of suffering just as it is.  What does happen, however, is that we need to be alert to the ways we make great, and even elaborate attempts to avoid suffering and this is what causes our suffering.  In other words, we can't avoid the realities of life.  Sickness and death come, and discomfort is sometimes a part of our daily living.  We can't always have what we'd like or live in the luxury we'd prefer.  And it is the desire for things to be other than what they actually are, that leads to the most suffering.

There are lots of ways we try to avoid suffering:  Drugs and alcohol, shopping, sex, gambling, entertainment, money, workaholism, eating, etc.  If we give these up, we return to experiencing the realities of life.  That is, that sometimes there might not be something to fill your time, or sometimes there are losses, breakups, empty feelings.  Sometimes we are depressed, sad, tearful, lonely, and yet if we try to escape these by filling the time with some of the above bad habits, it only makes life worse.

So learning to suffer through some of this mud in life is key to finding our way to reducing stress and anxiety, or challenging depression and sadness.  Learning to endure the discomforts that life can serve us is important and it's this "mud" that makes us strong enough to grow up out of it, and rise above the waterline in life to bloom as the lotus flowers we are.

The lotus flower grows up and out of the water and stands prominently above it with bright colors of white, red, pink, gold, etc.  These flowers shine in the sun and have multiple pedals which are also symbolic for the beauty of one's enlightenment.  But none of this would happen without the mud (the struggle and suffering) that this great flower is rooted in.

So too with you, that you must learn to endure the difficulties in life and not expect it to be other than what it really is.  Sometimes we have natural and normal anxiety and sometimes we are not always so happy.  The good news is that none of these states is permanent and you can be sure they (and you) will change and transform, just like the lotus flower does.

Thanks to Rajeev K for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

The Relaxing Quality of Nature

As the world continues to advance and turn to technology to function, the human beings that create the technology search for ways to get back to nature and unplug whenever possible.  The goal is to not get bogged down in the gadgets that were initially meant to make life simpler, but that have instead, created a faster and more demanding world.

No matter how much technology has helped humans to simplify their lives, it has also reminded them that humans are still a part of nature, and also a part of all of the other living beings on this planet that move and function with the forces of nature.

In other words, humans are not the machines they create!  A human being continues to move with the seasons and the natural rise and set of the sun.  Humans need sleep, sunshine, and enough relaxation to renew the changing human body that works tirelessly sometimes to meet its needs.  That's why it's important for human beings to get back out and into nature whenever possible.

There is no debate that it's not natural for the human body to sit at a computer all day.  It's not even natural for it to sit at a desk all day.  For example, it's not natural for the human eyes to focus on an office wall or computer screen all day that is only inches or feet away.  The human eye is meant to look close and far, and sometimes within the same task, such as looking at the mountain tops in the distance and then at the flowers at one's feet.  It's important to step away from your desk now and then and aim your eyes at a distant target such as the horizon or distant landscape.

The human body begins to become unstable when it doesn't walk enough or stand enough or move enough.  And the various senses that the human body uses, need to be exercised frequently in order to stay sharp and function well.  Human instincts can't be sharp if they are not used for anything more than scrolling up and down a computer screen, or for typing.

When looking at what the various culprits are that contribute to your stress, measure the list of items that put demand on your body in the way we might put demand on a machine.  Machines are expected to function non-stop, repeatedly, and many times as fast as they can possibly function.  But human beings can't function that way for long.  Think of getting out and into nature as a way to recalibrate your body and instincts so as to help you remember you are human, and not a machine.

Thanks to Elisa Bracco for the wonderful photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

We're all in this Stress Together

You've heard it said that we are all in this life together, and so it follows that we may also experience stress at the same time as our fellow humans, which makes it also true that making attempts to relieve others of their stress can at the same time help to reduce our own.

Unfortunately, I'm once again writing just after another set of mass shootings in the United States, as well as just after the American midterm elections of 2018.  If you don't think your fellow citizens in the US are stressed out, think again.  This stress has reverberations that travel around the world as well, making people uneasy in every country and small community.

It's tempting to pull inside, close the shutters, and let your anxiety get the best of you, but this is actually not a time for that.  Part of the problem is a growing lack of community and support among people, and so trusting less is not the solution.

Instead, I encourage you to see that it's important right now to lift one another up and support one another so that fear does not get the best us.  There are little things you can do every day that help to reduce the stress of your fellow neighbor.  From complimenting them on something they do well, to thanking them for something they've done for you or for others.

Since the holiday season is coming fast, we will be giving thanks for all that we are grateful for, as well as celebrating a festive and even spiritual idea of what this time of year means to each of us, personally. I encourage you to recognize your connection to others and to heighten your awareness that your stress is a reflection of their stress as well.  Try to do things that help to reduce the stress of others.  In doing so, you recognize you are in this world right alongside them and in reducing their stress, you also reduce your own.

Here are some ideas for you to try that could reduce your stress, and the stress of those around you:

*Consider having a holiday gathering that includes the widest array of diverse people you can think of.  This can bring people together, let those in targeted groups feel welcome, assure others that there are safe places, and remind us all that not every situation must include conflict.

*If you see people in the community who seem frightened right now, find a way to let them know you are a safe person.  That you are not hate filled, rejecting, or unable to discuss an issue or hear a view you disagree with without raising your voice or becoming violent.

*Learn as much as you can about the concept of compromise

*Practice your listening skills which, by the way, are not just sitting silent and nodding.  They include active participation, questions of interest, engaged body language, and requests for clarification so you can more deeply understand what another person is saying.

*Show genuine interest in the views of others and how they came to them.  Even if you disagree.

*Pay compliments to others that are not just about looks, success, money, or accomplishments.  Tell them you loved a meal they made, or thank them for something they did, or let them know what qualities you appreciate about them.

*Let people know what you are hopeful about in life.  Do you see things will get better?  Do you have confidence in your fellow humans?  Are there signs of life you can point out to those who are discouraged?  Don't be a Pollyanna, but if you have a positive outlook, try to help the discouraged see what you see. 

Keep in mind that you are not the only one that is stress out about the way things are going right now in the United States.  However, you are a part of the solution.  By actively participating in bringing down the stress level of those around you, you actively work to bring yours down as well.

Thanks to oatsy40 for the great photo (cropped)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Stress Management Techniques: Creating Your Own Program

Stress Management techniques are the set of methods each of us reaches for to manage stress in our lives.  Everyone has a different bag of tricks and not all techniques used for stress management fit everyone.  The important thing to know is that just having some stress management techniques to reach for is the first step in coping well when these life events arise.  To be unprepared is to ignore that sometimes life is stressful and to avoid healthy coping techniques is an invitation to anxiety, exhaustion, and depression.

Knowing your source of stress is a great place to begin.  It can be the job, the kids, health concerns, or any number of things that contribute to your daily stress.  If you have not yet identified what it is that leads to your stress, try to spend some time journaling about when your stress is more prominent or when it begins and ends.  This can help you identify where it's coming from.  Once you know the source or cause of your stress, you can identify what needs to change or what needs to be added to your life in order to better cope with the stress, reduce the stress, or completely eliminate the stress entirely.

Coping with the stress might mean that while staying in the stress, you practice ways to reduce your physical symptoms without removing yourself from the event.  For instance, you might learn breathing techniques that slow the breath and therefore slow the heart rate and blood pressure.  Reducing the stress can include breathing retraining used in coping with stress, but it might also include other kinds of adjustments such as reducing hours at work, reducing the frequency of exposure to stressful events, reducing productivity, and working with cognitive behavioral techniques to reduce the amount of time you worry.  Eliminating stress can mean that it might be time to let that current job go and find a better one with less pressure.  It can also mean moving if the area you live in is stressful and unlikely to change.  Eliminating stress means just that, removing it from your life and making a change for good.

Taking the time to develop a set of stress management techniques for yourself is well worth the time.  Once you know what works for you, it's easy to reach for and easy to apply.

Thanks to Dimitar Nikolov for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Reducing Stress during the Holiday Season

Though they are advertised as the most pleasant seasonal events of the year, the holidays can actually be some of the most stressful times for many people.  Much of the media during these times insists that everyone feel jolly, happy, joyful and thrilled to no end about spending money they don't have in order to satisfy the gift-giving season.  Unfortunately, this expectation is unrealistic for those who find the holidays (and the time of year) depressing and difficult.

That's why self acceptance is very important during the holidays.  If you don't feel all that thrilled about the holidays, you don't have to hide it, but you can find ways to try to make the very best of a time when your emotions are not in alignment with the external world's demands.

First of all, stop to think about what it is you personally need during the holidays.  Is it just relaxation?  Time with your family?  Some kind of traditional event that makes things feel right for you?  Sometimes the holidays get even harder when we feel pulled in all directions by the demands of others who are trying to get their needs met as well.  It's important to find a balance and make sure you are not getting spread too thin.  Saying no to some things is okay, and saying yes to your own needs can be a part of the formula for a good holiday.

Money is always a stressful factor during the holiday season as well.  It's okay to make it clear to others that you need to limit your spending, so be sure to speak up.  Suggesting that the family or office crew draw names to reduce the number of gift spending is always wise and helps reduce financial worries.

If the holidays aren't your thing, try to plan some events that feel more in tune to what you need, be they non-holiday themed movies, concerts, trips, books, socials with friends or just solo getaways that reduce your exposure to the media hype and promotions.

Don't be surprised if there are others out there that feel the same way and would love to get together with you to do something "non-festive".  Check in with some of your friends and family and see if any are up to the task of finding something that can remove you in any small way from triggers that contribute to your depression and stress during this time of year. 

Here are some ideas of things you can do to cope with your stress and anxiety during the holidays:

*Go hiking or snowshoeing which pulls you into nature and away from media hype
*Go see a non-holiday themed movie during the day when crowds are low
*Go for a walk or bike ride where festive decorations and music are not heard
* Limit your spending by announcing to others you plan to give limited gifts this year
*Say no if you need to when others demand you fly or travel to see them for the holidays
*Be sure to share and delegate shopping and other tasks to your spouse or other relatives
*Explain to children you are not made of gold and they can't have everything they want
*Above all, take time to sit down now and then to relax and take a breath.

Thanks to William Brawley for the lovely holiday photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Finding Solitude helps Reduce Stress and Anxiety

We can't always get away from this big world for rest and relaxation, but making an effort to find pockets in our schedule for solitude and rejuvenation is key to keeping a balanced life.

"I'll do it after the first of the year," you say, or "when the kids finish school."  But the truth is, those times are always in the future and the need for balanced relaxation in our lives is now.

If you aren't able to find a hut in the middle of nowhere to find peace and quiet, then try for a smaller, more reachable goal.

One woman finally insisted with her family that they must all arranged to cover for her so she could get away to the local Barnes and Noble once a week to sip some coffee and peruse the magazines and books for a couple of hours.  Another asked friends to watch her kids so she could go sit in a hot tub at the local recreation center now and then.  One man began taking that lunch hour he once worked through to go meditate at a facility he'd found in his area.

It doesn't have to be complicated or involve expensive trips away to even more expensive retreats in the mountains, which take time away from work, family, jobs and typically end up being even more stressful.  It's actually the little pockets of time, and little bits of relaxation during our day to day activity that add up to a more balanced life of stress versus relaxation.

Here are a few simple ideas for getting away for short periods of time:

*Find a local park and visit it during your lunch hour to eat or just walk or sit.
*Utilize your own back yard now and then to sit and watch the birds or clouds
*At home, run a hot bath and soak while listening to gentle music and/or using gentle aroma candles
*Go for walks in your area to relax the eyes from all the electronic stimulation
*Go visit your local library on a day when all the kids are in school.  They are fairly quiet places.
*Visit a Day Spa and get a massage in your area

Be creative and remember to listen to yourself.  When you find yourself saying "I'll do it later", you can be sure it's because you think it's too big of a task to get to right now.  Making the task smaller makes it reachable and doable.  You  can't put off your need for relaxation forever.  Your body and mind will eventually catch up with you and the stress by then will take so much longer to correct in order to bring balance to your life.

Thanks to Lain Merchant for the great photos
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Post 2016 Election Stress Reduction

The 2016 campaign and election was one of the most stressful in American history.

Hopefully, I can write this blog without revealing which candidate I was cheering for.  The main thing, is to help YOU with your post election stress.

Whether you voted for one candidate or the other, most likely your stress level was high, as it was for most Americans.

Post election stress, is also high among folks within both of the main parties, as well as the smaller outlier parties.  It doesn't matter if you voted for Hillary or Trump, you most likely were scared, confused, hopeful at some point, and totally surprised in the end.

So what do you do now?

Well, if you are a Trump supporter--unless you live in a dominantly Republican state--you most likely are frequently hiding that you voted for him.  Witnessing the many people around you who are angry and upset that their candidate, Hillary Clinton, did not win, is upsetting.  Especially if it is friends or family members who you can't even talk to about your glee and celebration.  Maybe you've even had doubt about whether you did the right thing or not.  You might also feel confused that many of those who disagree with you consider you now to be a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, and white-supremacists.

If you had hoped that Hillary would win, you are most likely suffering from what many other Hillary supporters feel, which is a combination of shock, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, and depression at what seems to be a realization that so many Americans seem to still carry so much prejudice and hate in their hearts.  You might worry that--as has been reported--you might be the victim of post-election bullying, prejudice, hate crimes like misogyny or attacks on gays and lesbians, or accused of just whining and not being able to accept the outcome.

One of the things many of us can agree on is that we would like to come together now that the election is over.  If you can't stand that Trump won, it's important to remember that not all Trump supporters are hate mongers.  And if you were a Trump supporter, the burden might be on your shoulders now to prove to others that you are not a hate monger.

So how do we deal with the stress of this outcome?

Nothing feeds open wounds more than poor winners, or poor losers.  Many of us were taught that when we competed in sports in school, it was appropriate to shake the hands of those we just beat or lost to.  In addition, debate education taught us all to graciously listen to those who have views that differ from our own, and to politely acknowledge what it is we agree on with our debate opponents.  Disagreeing does not mean dominance and demeaning other people who disagree with us.

We all want to do good in the world, but sometimes we disagree on what "good" is.  We differ in our religious and philosophical views, but that doesn't mean we need to fight with each other, be disrespectful or violent with one another, or call one another names. 

Sit down today and take a deep inventory of your thoughts and feelings.  Have you already begun to demonize those with views that oppose your own?  Are you calling them names like "whiners, hate mongers, racists, or babies"?  Think about how these titles and views will never bring us back together as a nation.

It's important to exercise a high dose of empathy right now.  A means of getting inside the head and perception of those that disagree with us, and seeing the world from their mind-set.  It does not mean we agree with them!  It simply means we are making an effort to see how they view the world so we can come to the table in decent conversation, and not arguing with hate in our hearts.

Take into consideration three views which you are at least willing to try to see from those who disagree with you.  Then, try it without rushing in to defend your own view.  Seriously TRY to see your opponents view without arguing about it.  It does not mean you agree with them, you simply say... if I were in your head, I can see how you see it that way.

All we can do at this point is try our best to improve our communication skills as much as possible.  Brainstorm to see where we are willing to bend or be flexible, because compromise means we all have to give a little.  Polarization only gets worse when we can't compromise or meet others half-way.

Thank you to Beverly & Pack for the great photo of the Peace Flag

Tai Chi for Relaxation

Finding various ways to relax has become one of the most sought after activities of the century.  There are healthy ways to relax and unhealthy ways.  We’ve all witness the unhealthy ways and maybe even experienced them first-hand, such as excessive use of alcohol or drugs, idleness on the computer with video games and surfing the net, or excessive spending.

Healthy ways of relaxation require a little more patience, but bring with them the long term reward of reduced stress.  That’s why learning an art such as Tai Chi is well worth one's time and effort.  It takes diligence, but like any good skill, it’s best to keep in mind that the art of Tai Chi is never really complete.  Instead, it's a life-time of refinement and a reflection of one's impermanence and intimate connection to the universe itself.

Tai Chi has been called a moving meditation.  It's slow and mesmerizing movement comes from the present-moment practice of mindfulness.  It has its roots deeply planted in Taoism--roughly, a spiritual and philosophical belief in one's connection to all things--especially to nature.

There are classes offered at many local recreation centers, including the North Jeffco Community Rec Center in Arvada Colorado.  You can find info about current classes at my website at www.qigongstudioofcolorado.com.  Be prepared to arrive with a Beginner's Mind, which simply means you begin with no expectations about what Tai Chi should be.  Emptying your mind of all concepts allows for new learning.  If your mind is too full and overflowing with ideas, there's simply no room for new lessons.

Until then, here are two of my favorite online videos of Tai Chi at it's best, and I think you will find them overall breath-takingly beautiful and relaxing to watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWiLG-Lkki4 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh3RM1mvzeE

Thanks to Tetsushi Klmura for the great photo -- Tai Chi Chuan

Coping with Stressful News Events

As I write this blog entry, the world is absorbing the newest story of another mass shooting in the United States.  Considered the worst mass shooting in US history—the event at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando Florida, has once again shocked and stunned us all.  As with Columbine and the “Theater Shootings”, the media is rushing to cover the stories and bring us ongoing updates about the event.  Our hearts go out to the victim’s families, to the first responders, to the businesses that will be affected, closed, or those that may live in fear of copy-cat offenders, and to our community which has shown great strength and determination over the years to maintain pride and hard-fought-for rights.

When stories are reported of tragedy like this, or of other forms of murder, violence, pain, and of course mass killings, it can be quite stressful to listen to, especially if you are the kind of person who is mesmerized by the rapid reporting and constant flow of news that comes from “special updates” and “special reports” that may go on for hours.  Many have actually opted to not even listen to such news stories because it upsets them so much.  But we can’t close our ears and eyes to what’s happening around us in the world.  When crisis and tragedy strike, and the media is pumping our minds full of the play-by-play, gory details and play-backs of every police report and eye-witness, it’s important to have a game plan in place to limit unnecessary and repeated exposure to information, and then find positive outlets in which to send the energy generated by our fear, pain, disgust, and anger in a positive direction, where we can try to gain some sense of balance again in a sometimes confusing and unpredictable world.

First, when tragedy strikes and you’ve tuned into the TV or Internet to find out what’s going on, be sure to limit how long you are going to spend getting the basic information.  Watching the news, reading a few versions of the story, and possibly noting the basic photos among the media should be enough for you to get the basic story and details.  One thing you don’t want to do is stay tuned in to a non-stop bombardment of stories for hours on end of what they know now--that they also knew an hour ago, and an hour before that.

Second, don’t go to the other extreme of isolating yourself from the information completely.  We cannot hide from the reality of the world and doing so leaves us at risk of being a part of the crowd that never learns from tragedy because we refuse to experience our tiny part in it and learn the lessons it has to offer.  Get the stories and basic information, limit the time exposure you will allow for hearing repeated stories, and then let yourself begin to process the information.

Finally, once you’ve had some time away from the repeated media stories, you can processes how you feel and what you think of the information you have in order to decide what it means to you personally, what lesson or lessons it holds for you, and most importantly, what positive action you plan to take to make a difference in the world based on these conclusion.  For instance, as I type this, hundreds have lined up at various locations in Orlando to donate blood needed to help all the surviving victims of this most recent shooting.

Maybe you know a friend, neighbor or acquaintance in the community you can call or email to give your support, rather than sitting in front of hours more of upsetting news or just shaking your head believing it’s someone else out there that will do the comforting.  This is how we get out of our heads, where all the thoughts are swirling that lead to increased stress and anxiety.  

In the end, take positive steps to move forward and take part in making change in the world. Tragedies will continue to come.  How you react to them may make a big difference in your level of stress and anxiety

                  It was Gandhi who said, “Be the Change You want to see in the World”.

Thanks to  James Hill for the great photo - Pride

Relaxing with Color

The colors you choose to surround yourself with--matter, especially when it comes to stress management and relaxation.

It is generally believed that the color Blue has a healing and tranquil nature to it, and that the color Green brings to mind the elements of nature, such as relaxing forests and gardens.   Some believe that olive green is the universal color of Peace.

Humans have associated good and bad things with particular colors.  Therefore, we relax when around colors that are associated with calm places and things (like the sky or ocean), and we may feel tense when around colors that are associated with discomfort (like heat, pain, or sadness).

Psychologically, we've managed to assign various moods and feelings to colors, but your personal experiences will define for you what colors feel calming and relaxing, and what colors are a turn-off.  In other words, not only does color have an effect on mood and feelings, but history and life events affect our perception of color.

In the practice of Feng Shui, colors may also be related to elements, such as Earth, Air, Fire, Water, etc.  When decorating a room for relaxation, it may be helpful to reference some of the material from this area of study in order to include colors that bring a well-balanced natural energy to a room.

Lucky for us, there has been a lot of information generated about color, color perception, and the effects of color on mood, so we are probably safe in believing some of these very interesting findings and areas of study.

When you are ready to set up your relaxing space or meditation area, consider including an investigation into your personal color preferences.  Be sure that the special places you select or create feel right to you and have the relaxing look and mood you want.


Thanks to Felix M for the great photo - Playing GOD

Autumn is a time for Rejuvination and Relaxation

Autumn is a favorite time of year for many people.  It's not too hot, not too cold, and is filled with an array of changing colors among the trees and plants.  It's a great time to get out and see the changing colors and go for relaxing walks in the parks, hills and mountains.

This relaxing time of year has a lot of symbolism to it.  In Greek mythology it was believed that during this time of year Hades came up from the underworld and snatched the young and beautiful Persephone away, leaving Demeter (The Mother) grieving in agony for her kidnapped daughter, and so she refused to allow things to grow.  Thus, the dying of things and the changing colors.  It was believed, however, that they worked it all out, as Hades agreed to let Persephone come back up to her normal life in the Spring time, which of course is when Demeter stops grieving and allows all the flowers and plants to bloom again.  Until then, however, the earth was thought to be grieving as things died off for the winter, not to return again until Spring.

This symbolism of Persephone (a symbolic representation of all that is young and vibrant and lively) "going away" for a time, is seen in everything from the seasonal hibernation of the bear and the seasonal depression experienced by humans, to the falling of the leaves and dormancy of the trees and plants for winter.  It's as if everything is joining in Demeter's sorrow and falling into a slump of grief for the seasonal loss of life and vibrancy.

But wait, it's not all for doom and gloom.  Some versions of the story say that Persephone eventually wanted to stay in the underworld for part of the year just to bring her brightness and liveliness to those in despair.  In the same way, this time of year allows us to go within and do a little self nurturing.  In a way, we hibernate a little bit during this time of year, just like the bears do.  We go within as it gets darker earlier and spend a little more time sleeping, curling up with a blanket, and reading a good book.  In the Fall and winter months, we humans tend to fatten up a little as we crave heavier foods, and we rest a little more as we feel tired earlier in the evening as the sun sets sooner.  Grief often mimics the symptoms of depression, but in reality, it's only temporary sorrow that our bright and sunshiny days are shortened for a time.

Walking out amongst the fallen leaves can help us stay in touch with what is happening in the natural world as the seasons change.  It helps us to remember that we are a part of that same changing world, which means we are literally and biologically changing with the seasons as they transition from one time of the year to the next.  Feeling the crunch of drying leaves under our feet puts us in touch with an element inside us that is signaling for a resting period -- a rejuvenation period just as the trees shed their leaves and pull in for the winter --not to die off, but to remain dormant until Spring. 

The old myths also include a strong focus on this being a time of year for "harvesting".  While the element of growth and life (Persephone) is gone for a time, it's a great time to harvest what you've sown and let the "planting fields" of your life rest for awhile.  It's a good time for long walks in the woods, contemplation, slowing down, and taking time to rest.  It helps to challenge those culturally implanted ideas that we should feel vibrant all year long, which goes against the natural order of things and only leads to feelings of inadequacy and failure when we naturally feel like resting for awhile.  In addition, creativity surfaces only when things have settled down a little bit.  Once we've had our good rest, new seeds will sprout again.

Thanks to Julie Falk for her great photo - Autumn Days

Relieving Stress through Stretching

Stretching out is something we often see athletes do prior to playing their sport of choice, as it is a known tool in preventing pulled muscles and other injuries.  It also improves performance and allows a wider range of motion for a wide variety of activities.

Yet, stretching is also a helpful tool in Stress Reduction because it helps us to become familiar with the difference between tension and relaxation.  The reason this is so important in Stress Management is because we can sometimes reach the point of carrying chronic stress in the body, and when that happens, we lose touch with what it feels like to release tension and regain relaxation.  The result is that when we attempt to relax, we might feel too guarded to “just let go”, and releasing tension in the muscles becomes complex or nearly impossible.  This guarded stance can lead to insomnia and muscle pain.

In a well-known relaxation technique called Progressive Muscle Relaxation, individuals are trained to tighten, tense and flex various areas of the body.  They then learn to hold that tension for just a moment before letting it go in a release that relaxes the muscle and tendons completely.  For instance, tightening the fists as tight as you can, holding it, and then letting it go by relaxing the fists and letting them become limp and loose.  The strategy is not just for the purpose of stress reduction, but to train individuals to notice the difference between tension, and relaxation.

Very simple stretching exercises can be used for the same reason.  Reaching down to touch the toes, and then slowly coming back up.  Reaching up to the sky, and then lowering the arms and hands and shaking them out as if they were wet rags.  Wrinkling up the face and then releasing it into a smooth smile.  All of these methods use the same concept that Progressive Muscle Relaxation does, in that intentional tightening is followed by gentle releasing, and an awareness of the difference between the two takes place so as to train oneself how to first notice tension, and then how to release it at any given time.

Thanks to Tambako the Jaguar for the great photo Stretching lioness

Observing the Relaxing Influence of Art

Looking at art is a very projective process.  Many times we see in the art something of a truth happening inside of us.  If angry, we see the art expressing anger.  If sad, we see sadness in it, and though it could be upsetting to have the emotions moved in so many ways from the observation of one piece of art to the next, many find it overall generally relaxing to spend time now and then just contemplating various works of art.

The medium of art could have an influence on the mood and feel of the perceiver, but it might be fair to say that the medium is only the preference, and the mood and feeling something else entirely.  Not only does art bring out mood and feeling already present in the human being, but it also has an influence that can stir and provoke one’s mood, sending it in a number of directions.  In fact, good art does just this.

Finding works of art that will intentionally move you to a state of relaxation means spending some time going and observing works of art while paying very close attention to how you feel.  If a work moves you to a contemplative and relaxed state, it may be the piece to take home or move to the office to help keep you balanced throughout your day.

Not everyone has a knack for creating beautiful art.  That’s why there are so many of us that are in this world to observe and appreciate the great art created by those who have the unique ability to speak by means of a brush stroke, carving, or other inspired medium of creative expression.  Our world is full of sculptures, paintings, carvings, and a number of other creative representations captured in time and carefully molded into elements that set, provoke, or tease out a mood from within the human being.

Thanks to Carlos for his relaxing artistic image - Another fractals experiment with Gimp

Relaxing Sunrise / Peaceful Sunset

If your life is rushed and you are tired all of the time, chances are that it's been a long times since you've seen a sunrise or sunset.  You might either be sleeping in past the time of the gradual rising of the sun in the morning, and/or most likely rushed to do your evening activities and even if outside, might look right past the glorious colors in the sky as they change and paint themselves against the horizon.

Sitting to watch a sunrise or sunset is something that requires us to be still as we take a moment, stop the car, go out on the deck, look out the window, or just stand still long enough to watch the transition of colors as they gradually change and morph from pinks and reds and lavenders, to reds and finally blues or grays.  It's an activity that causes us to pause for a moment and just breath in the landscape, but it doesn't last forever, and therefore if our life is rushed and our mind is too busy, we miss it for another day.

As we all know, the sun is not actually "rising" or "setting"... it's simply appearing and disappearing in our awareness as the earth rotates, just like thoughts appear and disappear in our mind as we travel through our day.  As the earth rotates, the sun comes into our field of perception and lights up the sky with an array of colors which bounce off the clouds and objects around us in a way that many have called, magical.  Photographers love these times of the day because the colors become very pronounced and dynamic.

There was a time long ago when we humans slept and woke with the appearance and disappearance of the sun, so our ancestors most likely saw many more sunrises and sunsets than we do today.  In comparison, we have to make an extra effort in these modern days to put ourselves in the path of a sunrise or sunset in order to not miss it.

The fullest colors of these dynamic images in the sky last about 15 to 30 minutes, so the next time you find yourself catching a glance from the corner of your eye, see if there is a safe place to pull the car over, or somewhere to sit for a moment, or even just allow yourself five silent moments of observation from a window or other space where you can reconnect with the peacefulness of the natural rotation of the earth you are a living part of.  Let your eyes relax into the brilliant colors before you as they gently morph from one color to the next.  Let your breathing slow and your shoulders relax and try to remember who you are outside of the hustle and bustle of your contemporary daily life.

Thanks to Hartwig HKD for the great art in photography - Meditation at the Lake

Painting your way to a Stress Free life

Art Therapy is among the many techniques used by psychotherapists and is one of the more creative.  It’s excellent for individuals who express themselves in a more nonverbal form of communication that allows them to tap into their more artistic crafts.

One of the more common types of artistic expression is painting, which is very versatile and holds many options for colorful expression in oil or water.  Through painting, the artist can tap into the depths of the human emotion and disappear into the details of the landscape or object which she or he is putting to canvas.

There can be a lot of rules to painting, but at the same time painting can also be a new way for a mature mind to let go and become a kid again.  Many people find painting to be very relaxing and a way to escape the constricted world of rules and order, and where one can freely create a depiction of reality, or a whole new creation that comes from the depths of one’s soul.

Like gardening or cooking, painting has an aspect to it that allows the creator to apply her or his own personality to the mix.  A creation takes place and gives the artist a sense of control as well as free flowing play.

You don’t have to be a pro to enjoy some playful painting.  Water and oil paint sets for beginners are fairly affordable and many come with starter canvases and perhaps even a beginner’s book to give you the basics.  Outside of that, your only task is to provide yourself with the time and space, as well as a relaxing and undisturbed environment to let the creative juices flow.

Thanks to Dean Hochman for his great photo brushes