What Meditation Is and Is Not.

Knowing what meditation is and is not can help you develop a good meditation practice with realistic expectations.

What meditation is not:  

Meditation is not a technique used to get us into some sort of emotional state.  So if you are trying to get out of anger, or into a steady attitude of joy, meditation is not the way.  It's not a form of escapism in which you can run away from your addictions, boss, annoyances, or problems.  It's also not meant to put an end to your ruminations, although it probably can help with them, that's not the aim.  It's not therapy in that if you sit down and meditate your problems will begin to resolve themselves from the effort.  So don't assume meditation will bring that your way, either.  And meditation is not a religion, although it can be practiced by individuals from a wide range of various religious beliefs.

There are plenty of ways to rest, relax, and find leisure, but these are not meditation, either.  A guided imagery exercise is nice and even enjoyable and entertaining, but it is not meditation.  So a "guided meditation" is a little misleading and leaves you vulnerable to the decisions, directions, and reality of someone else.  It also keeps you from being aware of your true present moment, unless you just want to be aware of your relaxing and entertaining guided imagery, which is perfectly fine, but it's not meditation.

What meditation is:

Meditation is best thought of as ways in which you practice staying mindful, which means you are aware of the present moment as it is, not as it once was or how you want it to be.  So it is a state of awareness and many meditation techniques are those that help you stay present and aware of your moment-to-moment existence in this life.

When you hear someone say they have meditation as a "practice" it means they are literally practicing mindfulness and possibly using mindfulness techniques to do that, and the reason this is important is because humans have a tendency to miss out on reality itself because they are either dwelling on the past and ruminating about the things that have already been, or they are worried and anxious about the future and those things that have not ever actually happened.  

For instance, if you drive to the grocery store and upon arrival can't really recall all the traffic lights and things you saw along the way because you spent the drive angry about the thing your boss said yesterday, or you were busy ruminating about something a friend said about something you did or said, or your mind was focused on and worried about some upcoming event next week, then you actually missed out on that entire drive that was a part of your real and actual moment-to-moment life.  

But with practice, we can all get much better over time at being present for our lives and actually aware of the goings-on, the things sensed, the people coming in and out of our awareness, that series of traffic lights on the way to the store, and the true reality of every moment of our very short and limited precious lives.

So meditation is not the things that help us escape reality and the present moment, but it is awareness itself of the present moment.  So if you are using the present moment to escape reality, you are not meditating, but if you are fully present then your meditation is sound.

You can find some great guidance as a beginner in this wonderful book by Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

Meditation is not really about seeking relaxation, but it does help with relaxation by bringing your mind to the present and pulling it away from future oriented worry which produces stress.  You can find my prior blog entry about the ways meditation helps with relaxation here 

"Just being in the moment in this place is the deepest practice of meditation"     ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks to luckey_sun for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

Paddleboarding: Another great way to battle Depression and Anxiety

Since 2000 the recreational sport of paddleboarding has gained in popularity and adding it to your list of relaxing things to do could be one of the best things you do for yourself this summer. 

This wonderful outdoor sport is something that can be done in many lakes, rivers, or oceans and it's a great way for you to go exploring the great outdoors whether you are alone and seeking a meditative day of water and sun, or are with others and just looking to improve your social skills.

Those hooked on the fun call it SUP, which stands for Stand Up Paddleboarding.  Whoo hoo... now you've got the lingo, let's take a look at why it's a great way to reduce stress and anxiety, as well as interrupt the patterns that lead to depression.

Boarding your paddleboard and heading out on the water taps you in to the kind of things that typically only boaters get to enjoy.  Out on the lakes and rivers, you can access the great scenic views that contribute to complete physical and mental relaxation.  Out there on the water and water edges you will be as close as ever to wildlife, sunshine, exercise and the kinds of activities that lead to more balanced breathing patterns in the body.

Many just like the escape paddleboarding provides them in that they can paddle out and away from the shore which in itself is so symbolic for just getting away from it all, thus leaving the world behind, the cars and noise, the kids and chores, and finding a spot out in the open water to sit and meditate on your own.  In such an environment you can find some alone time to think over life events, feelings and important decisions in life.  Most of all, you can practice your mindfulness and present-moment focus via the senses.

Paddleboarding is also a very affordable activity and the boards come in models that you can haul on your car, or others that are inflatable, which allows most people the opportunity to transport them to any destination.  

Once outside you immediately begin pulling in the endless advantages of living an active lifestyle.  By the time you get to your favorite paddleboarding spot you are participating in exercise, fresh air, sunshine, and many find it to be a great way to socialize as there are plenty of people for you to meetup with in paddleboarding groups or friendship groups who also paddleboard.

Since the explosion of its popularity, many shops and stores have expanded to renting paddleboards, so if you find you like going but not so often that you actually need to own a paddleboard, there are lots of options to finding one you can enjoy for a few hours or days.

For those who have some anxiety about pursuing such a fun and relaxing sport, please keep in mind that you can sit down and paddle on your board as well, and though it is true that you can paddleboard if you don't know how to swim, let's be sensible here.  Don't ever go out in the water without a sturdy, well fastened, tested and reliable lifejacket on.  Especially if you can't swim!  If you find you love the sport that much, maybe it will inspire you to begin taking some swimming lessons and tackle that skill once and for all.

Many people take up paddleboarding only to report back how much fun they are having, how it gets them outside and active, and how they can't wait to get back out there and go again.  Seriously consider giving it a try.  It can only be good for your mental health and has shown to counter the symptoms of depression and anxiety.

"Paddleboarding is like walking on water."  ~Laird Hamilton (Big Wave Surfer)

Thanks to GR for the great image, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/

A Relaxation Room of Your Own: The Comfort of your Own Cozy Space

When we think of the kinds of home environments that encourage relaxation it's easy to identify key things that make up the surroundings.  Relaxing rooms are usually clutter free, with gentle soft colors and a sense of simplicity and comfort. The idea is to introduce to the environment things that produce a calming effect, including things that are familiar to nature such as moving water, green earthy hues and aromas that are inviting but not overpowering.

Rooms created for relaxation are typically inviting, in that they provide relaxing places to sit, lounge, or meditate, and generally make a person want to stay rather than leave.  So, comfort is the name of the game.  Comfortable furniture, comfortable colors that are gentle on the eyes, comfortable sounds and surroundings that make a person want to take a deep breath and relax.

Plants and artificial plants are very important in the making of a relaxation room.  The greenery and earthy colors take us back to our roots and remind us we are part of nature itself.  In addition, water fountains provide meditative sound and noninvasive visual stimulation for letting the mind go.  Some water fountains are a genuine work of art all in themselves.  A more costly addition would be a hot tub in your special place, but this is not always a luxury everyone can afford.  However, favorite sculptures and wall decor can personalize a room, as this is also important in bringing familiarity that lets you know it is home.

A special place you go to for relaxation, ritual, reading or meditation is something you can create as a part of your ongoing stress reduction plan.  In order to create a relaxation room for yourself you have to spend some time thinking about what things enhance relaxation for you personally.  What colors calm you?  What sounds tend to bring your blood pressure down?  What kind of environment pulls you in and makes you want to stay?

To begin your initial plans for a relaxation room, try focusing on the senses.  What you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel in this "to-be-created" room is going to be unique to you and those who will be utilizing it.  It will eventually be a gathering of all the things you know bring you relaxation.  Will it have a place to make and sit for tea?  Maybe a meditation cushion and blanket?  Will there be music or silence?  Does it have your favorite books?  Or will you do other things to relax the mind, such as artwork, journaling, or mindfulness practices?

Regardless of the outcome, creating a personalized, special place to go for relaxation is a great way to stay on top of your stress management.  In the end it only needs to slow you down, give the muscles and mind a break, and remind you it is always there for you to come back to again and again.

Thanks to F.D. Richards for the great photo

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Stress and trying to answer the unanswerable

Recently the wonderful Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh passed away.  He had been ill for some time after having a massive stroke in 2014.  He was a pretty remarkable person who wrote over 130 books, 100 of which were published in English.  He definitely left a lot of information for all of us to peruse for the rest of our lives.  One lesson taught, which was given by the Buddha and passed down through the centuries, was that we should not waste our time on metaphysical speculation.

If you are like me, this is a little upsetting because it is fun to contemplate the meaning of life and what else there could be besides just this one precious life.  But I don't think Thich Nhat Hanh or Buddha meant that you should not enjoy a good philosophical conversation.  What they meant was that the more time you spend chasing after "the answer" to things that can't be known, the more of this precious life you miss out on.

When we are faced with the question of life and death, it's very disturbing to imagine that this one precious life might be all there is.  Especially when there are threats of war, violence, death, and world destruction.  It's hard to  find our drive for creativity, our motivation to keep going, and our desire to put effort into life if we don't think there is "good reason".  We want there to be a reward at the end, like a heaven, or prize, or some kind of promise.   

It is taught that whenever the Buddha himself was asked about metaphysical questions, he remained silent.  Pretty good answer!  To answer is to get drawn into all kinds of mind games and the "What ifs" that lead to anxiety and suffering.  But the point of the lesson is that if you get distracted by these "What ifs", you lose all sight of the present moment, which is the only place where reality exits.  

This week we have heard endless stories about war and the invasion of Ukraine.  The images are terrible to see and the stories are heart breaking.  But it's very easy to get caught up as well into the terrible "What ifs" that leave us paralyzed and unable to find hope about the future.  In the process, we miss out on what is really happening "right now".  The more important question is , "How will you live your life right now", and that includes full awareness and response to this moment and the events happening in it.  

There is a popular Zen story about a man who was shot in the chest with an arrow.  Everyone tried to assist him in getting that arrow out, but he insisted on knowing all sorts of unanswerable details about the shooting of the arrow before he would let anyone try to save his life.  Meanwhile he was dying from the wound.  Of course, that is my shortened version of the parable, but maybe you get the point that spending all of our time trying to find answers to things we cannot know, is a waste of the one precious life we are living.  It is a powerful lesson driven home by the Zen master Seung Sahn who made it the foundation of his teaching.  One of his students later put together a book of his lessons and letters entitled, Only Don't Know. 

When it comes to anxiety we can get ourselves stressed out about things that can't be known.  Will I get in an auto accident?  Will I get shot by an arrow?  Will I have a job next week?  Is there a divine entity?  Will someone push the nuclear button?  

A Zen master was asked by a student, "Is there life after death?"  The Zen master replied, "How should I know?  I've never died before!"  

"Understanding means throwing away your knowledge."

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Meditation in the Winter: Finding Relaxing Stillness

Winter can be a very peaceful and calming time.  For one thing, it is quiet.  Snow tends to give an insulating feeling to your surroundings and cushions sound and mood.

Symbolically, we turn inward in the winter time, a little bit like hibernating bears.  Although we don't sleep the winter away like they do, we do slow down, crave different kinds of foods, and experience a changed metabolism.  We also tend to turn in a little earlier at night when the sun sets sooner than other times of the year.

Winter also moves us to seek out things that are cozy, like warm fires and hot coco, as well as soft sweaters, fleece hats and wools socks.  These cozy things are reminiscent of our time in the womb when our surroundings were literally wrapped around our entire being, and brought us the support of our universe as we knew it then.

While turning inward we become more contemplative, perhaps do some writing or artwork (such as painting and drawing), or maybe some cooking and baking, reading, and other home projects.  We tend to get a little more creative overall.

Winter is also a great time for meditation.  The push to be indoors brings us right to the company of our meditation mat and the quiet surrounding is perfect for our practice of stilling the mind.  Always remember that you won't do this perfectly as the determination of the monkey-mind will want to interrupt the peacefulness of any soft winter sitting.  But do your best and allow yourself the patience you deserve to approach your winter stillness with self-compassion.

Your meditation can include the contemplation of your unanswerable life's question (your koan), or perhaps the meaning of a good poem can help you stay focused.  Here is one by Robert Frost to give you some pause.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Thanks to Jonathan Cook-Fisher for the great photo from Truckee River South Lake Tahoe, CA

Reducing Anxiety: Taming the Mind

When we “take life apart” we realize that it is made up of many place-holders we have created as a species to represent other things.  For instance, paper printed with ink is called “money” and is put in place of something we call “value” and so we label these “pieces of value” in our pocket as “fives” and “twenties” and even though they measure the same size and fold the same way in our pocket, one is assumed to be more valuable than the other based on the printing we have placed on each particular piece of paper.

It took a lot of thought to come up with these sophisticated methods of functioning in the world, but many of us have grown to live by them.  When an electronic light, installed on a metal post on the corner of a human-created street comes on (thanks to our human-created electricity) and that light is red but not green, we stop our human-created vehicle at the human-created white cross-walk, and we wait a bit so that other vehicles can do something different depending on the color of the electronic light they see on “their” metal post, on “their” side of the street, and so on.

We have done this with many things and you can see that we have used languages all over the world to then place judgment on the parts and pieces we have put in place to represent reality.  Judgment just means we have created dualism--breaking things in to more parts such as “good or bad”, “right or wrong”, “acceptable or unacceptable”, and so on.  And by this means we have created the chaos of the world that deciphers what constitutes the hierarchies we will live by.   What we will praise or shame children for.  What we will give a gold medal or prison time for.  What defines the value of a human being--be it wealth, skin color, sex, size of home, size of bodily organs, popularity of belief, level of knowledge, age, etc.

One step beyond this phenomena, is that we have identified with this pretend-world we have created and come to believe that the place-holders are the real thing.  Or that the one piece of paper that folds the same as the other identically sized and shaped piece of paper in my pocket, “actually is” more valuable than the other.  Or that the white person we have valued more highly than the black or brown-skinned individual “actually is” more valuable than the others.  That the male “actually is” more valuable than the female, and the dog and cat “actually are” more valuable than the chicken or the cow.  By use of the word “identify” I mean we have really embraced it as our reality, but more importantly as “who and what reality really is as a whole”.

In true meditation practice—when someone sits down on a mat and relaxes the body and becomes quiet—the aim is not just to find a little peace.  Meditation begins with the practice of quieting the mind so that you might first begin to see all of these parts and pieces floating around, distracting you and dragging you out of this moment and out of reality.  Instead, focusing on something “right here” (i.e., the breath, my big toe, the sound of traffic outside, the hum of the refrigerator), you begin to see what is actually present “before” all the chatter and distraction of the brain’s busy-thinking pulls you away. 

In Zen practice this is called “before thinking mind”.  It means, before judgments, before labels, before opinions, before we take off with things mentally and verbally, but most importantly it means, before we exit the present moment by attaching ourselves to the ox (the thinking mind) that wanders off into the woods of our judging dualism, where we can get lost for hours, days, weeks, and even a lifetime.  And it’s here we find the source of our ruminations, anxieties, depression, sorrows, angers, worries, and we find we have fully identified (come to believe as real) each and every one of these thoughts, labels, representations, and opinions. 

We know in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that when we identify with something as true, the feelings follow.   If I believe that I am less valuable because I am female, or if I believe I am more valuable because I am male, then the feelings will follow.  If I believe I am in danger, even if I am not, I will have understandable anxiety in situations that others might not understand.  If I believe that the world has gone to hell in a hand-basket, then feelings about that will follow and I might feel discouraged, disillusioned and disappointed.  Contrary to popular belief, Buddha did not say “You are what you think”.  What he actually is noted to have said was, “What you think, you become”.

Taming the mind is an ongoing process and only the greatest of Zen Masters do it well.  The depictions of the famous Ten Ox Herding images define this life-long and ongoing process.  The Ox herding images define stages of the process of taming this wandering mind (the Ox) and eventually bringing ourselves into the present moment “as much as possible”.  Anxiety and depression are naturally reduced in this way and in this practice.  No one does it perfectly, but those who practice diligently tend to improve with it over time.

The image above that I have used for this blog is the fourth (number four of ten) of the Ten Ox Herding images in Zen practice.  It represents “you” having seen the need to tame these wandering thoughts—the mind (the Ox) that distract you from the present moment, and having a lead (or rope) on it, about to sit down and begin the work of taming this mind (the Ox).  Not controlling it, not abusing it as we abuse real ox and other animals, not torturing it and demanding its submission, not shaming or praising it, but taming it.

The image above of the Ox is a “place-holder” representing something else, just like words represent things but aren't really the things.  It is not your enemy or friend.  It isn’t good or bad.  There is nothing right or wrong in it.  It’s a symbolic representation of your relationship with reality.  It’s a tool, just like language is.  It’s about the journey back home where reality still exists and thoughts are tamed so they no longer drag you off into the woods of the past where depressive feelings can follow, and they no longer drag you off into the woods of the future where anxious feelings can follow.  Instead, you train your mind (the Ox) to stay in the present (i.e., taming the Ox to stay near).  This takes time.  Patience.  Diligence.  Practice.  Focus.  Repetition.  And when I say it takes “Faith” I mean, it takes a belief in this process (not necessarily in a god, goddess or entity) and that it is worth sticking with it.

Start meditation by simply focusing on the counting of the breath.  Focus on the breath with every ounce of your awareness.  Count "one" breathing in.  "Two" breathing out.  "Three" breathing in, and so-on, up to "ten", and then begin again.  

As you notice the mind wander here and there (like the Ox wandering off into the woods), just give a tug on the rope and pull it back to the present.  Start all over no matter where you were at.  Be kind and compassionate to the Ox!  "One" breathing in, and "two" breathing out, and so on.  Try to keep your awareness only on the breath, the counting of the breath, and returning to the breath over and over.

"Anxiety, the illness of our times, 

    comes primarily from our inability 

        to live in the present moment"

                ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Autumn: The symbolic push to seize the moment

There is something about Autumn that everyone seems to like.  Ask most anyone and they will express a like for the cooler temperatures, wearing their favorite sweaters at last, walking in the colorful Fall leaves, or drinking warm beverages like coco, cider and tea.

It's the time of year where we can capitalize on relaxation, creativity, and a connection with nature since it is comfortable enough to be out in the elements, and the season offers something for all of the senses.

But this time of year also offers a lot of symbolism about life, transitions and the reality that nothing ever stays the same, everything is in constant change, and there is evidence all around us that we don't have forever to do the things we want to do in this lifetime.

Robert Frost put it well in his classic poem (so symbolic of Autumn in itself), 

Nothing Gold Can Stay:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold,
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I'm reminded of the existentialists who frequently get accused of being the downers in life, but in reality they are the writers and thinkers who bring to light the need for all of us to come home to the present moment, which is where life actually exists.  They push us a little bit to find meaning in our lives.  They are the questioners of life itself and encourage us to ask, "What does it mean to exist?" But more than that, they push us to find meaning in this existence that brings us such constant change, including birth and death.  Why is it that this transitional time of year, which symbolically represents death and the reality that "nothing gold can stay"-- is so beautiful, and so welcomed and enjoyed by most?

There is something very relaxing in getting out and enjoying this time of year.  Be sure to get out and walk among the leaves and colors and let your senses take it all in.  The smell, the sight, the sound... And while you are out there, be sure to ask yourself, "Why am I here?"  "What is my personal meaning in this life?"  Are you waiting around for some other person, organization, or entity to define this for you?  What would it be like to create this meaning for yourself?  What are you waiting for?  Nothing gold can stay!  

Thanks to Ian Sane for the great photo

Awareness: Looking Anxiety in the Face

In the practice of meditation one of the main "goals"--if we can call it a goal--is to learn to maintain an increasing sense of awareness.  The little secret is that awareness (reality) is always there.  We just aren't always aware that we are aware of it.  Instead, we are distracted by things like anxiety, fear, anger, and many other things, such as thoughts that float around obstructing our view of awareness.  It is said that in meditation you eventually become aware of reality rather than it being something you are striving for.  In other words, the more you meditate and perfect your awareness of reality, the more it appears to you.

When it comes to anxiety, we have to work at recognizing that it is like an object in the sky that catches our attention and begins to distract us from seeing things as they really are.  We can think of reality as the sky and when we look up into that sky, sometimes there are things that are "in" that sky that catch our attention, and we see these things just the way we might see clouds in the sky, and if you are like me, you can look at clouds and begin to get a little distracted by them.  That one looks like a dragon and maybe that one looks like the unfolding of a tornado, and maybe another looks like it could be heavy with rain.  Pretty soon... all you can see is the clouds (anxiety) and not reality (the sky) itself.

So with anxiety (as with many other of life's unnecessary distractions) we need to see these things for what they really are, and this should be done with as little to no judgment as is possible.  In other words, if you so happen to actually "notice" that you are anxious, try to notice without all the judgment that can follow, such as "what is wrong with me?", or "I should be better at this and not be so anxious." 

The way we get better and better at being aware is through meditative practice, and that can be done no matter if we are in seated meditation, walking meditation, moving meditation, or any activity at all  really.  For instance, try this little exercise: As you read these words that are a part of this paragraph, try to notice each and every time you see the letter "e".  Just read along, and then each time you see the letter "e", just notice it briefly.  So here you are, reading this paragraph, and suddenly the entire paragraph becomes something much more prominent before you.  Every word is now a central focus as you pay particular attention to catching each and every "e".  And we can do the same thing in everyday life if we just add in practices that help us learn to stay more present.

In her life's work, Charlotte Joko Beck worked to help people notice these things in their everyday life which were escaping notice due to distraction.  She wrote a book, Everyday Zen, in which she simplifies the entire Zen meditation process by clarifying that though it's not easy to accomplish, the main idea behind meditation and present-moment practices, is to become "present" in "every moment".

Before we end, take the time to meditate on the wonderful photo image presented with this blog entry.  It was created by Jeremy Gromoski and if you just come into the present long enough, you will notice something very interesting about what you see.  Some things can look very real, when they are not.  Just like our anxiety can.  But when we look anxiety directly in the face, most often we will find that it's an illusion created by our brain to convince us that some situation is life-threateningly dangerous, when it is not.

It's very important that we practice seeing things as they really are.  The sky is always there, and yes, the clouds float in and out.  They shape-shift.  Appear and disappear.  But reality is always there, waiting for us to notice it.

Thanks to Jeremy Gromoski for his excellent photo image, Illusion.                                                           https://www.flickr.com/photos/darkshadow54104/                                                                                    https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Reducing Stress: Putting your New Year's Resolution on the schedule

New Year's resolutions get a bad rap.  Sometimes folks are afraid to even make them for fear they will be broken before January 31st.  Many fitness centers know this drill well.  New membership rises just after the first of the year and new arrivals fill the centers with people full of vigor and determination.  But by February and March, the facilities fall back to normal attendance as all the health dreams begin to fade away.

If your New Year's resolution includes a focus on stress reduction, you can reduce the risk of the "gradual fade" by building your new stress reduction activities right into your schedule until they become a new part of your daily life.

In the same way you make sure to add your dentist appointment or oil change into your day timer, the focus and activities for daily relaxation need to be included in the same way.   Sometimes it's just a matter of writing the self-imposed new activity into your time plans, just as you would carve out the time to go get a haircut or pick up groceries.

When it comes to relaxation and stress reduction, it's easy to get in the habit of brushing aside the things that are on the schedule for self-care, such as getting a massage, going to the day-spa, or planning time to read that good book you've been meaning to get to.  Putting these items on the schedule also means keeping those appointments with yourself and not cancelling out because other stressful things have begun to crowd your life.

For your success at the new 2020 resolutions, try to include making a vow to put the new relaxation items on the daily schedule and reinforcing that vow with a promise to oneself to not override those relaxation events when stress starts crowding out the limited time schedule.  Consider these events as essential as laundry and putting gas in the car.  Without them you are not clothed with calm energy or supplied with centered transportation.

In the New Year, make a promise to keep your stress reduction appointments with yourself and be a reliable and steady customer.  The only one that can show up for these events is you.

Thanks to mrhayata for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Relaxing with the Mindful practice of Tea Time.

Sometimes the simplest form of relaxation is found in the simplest of activities, like sitting down for a relaxing cup of tea.  You can add it to your daily relaxation routine--be it sitting for meditation, or adding it to your mindful meal, or reading time.

To keep it as simple as possible, try applying mindfulness to your tea time routine.  In other words, be present for everything from getting the tea pot, to selecting the tea cup.

If you invite all of your senses to be a part of the present moment of this activity, you become more aware of the smell, sight, sound, feel and taste of everything you are doing.

If your thoughts wander during this task, just notice that they have done so.  Then, without judgment--and especially without self-judgement--bring your focus back to the task at hand.  And if the mind wanders again, repeat!

Notice the feel of the cup, the sight of the steam rising, and the sound of the boiling water.  Take the time to smell the tea as you pour or prepare it.

Without judgment means without deciding "good or bad", "right or wrong way", "enjoyable or non-enjoyable", "tasty or bitter", etc.  In other words, you are not placing a judgment of any kind on the task.  You are in the moment of tea moment without moving into labeling and judging the tea moment.  It is "just this" tea moment.

Your tea does not have to be that of an expert or that of an amateur.  It can be expensive loose leaf tea or a bag of that you grew up with from the grocery store.  It doesn't matter if it's herbal or decaffeinated.  There is no one judging your authenticity.  It's just you, the aroma, the smoothness of the cup, the warmth of the tea, and the mindfulness of each sip.  There is no way it should be, and no way it ought not to be, nor is there any comparison of how it's done by others.

It's just tea, in this moment, with full awareness.  Watching thoughts come and go, and returning to the present moment.  Noticing your breath come and go, and returning to the present.  Repeatedly returning to the moment is a practice of meditation.  And staying in the present moment in this way is to be in the only place that actually ever exists.  That is, in this never-ending and yet, ever-changing, unfolding moment.

Thanks to Sheila Sund for the great photo
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Transforming Suffering to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

In Buddhism the lotus flower is very symbolic for the path of enlightenment.  It's the lotus flower that grows up out of muddy water and represents a person's journey through suffering in life (i.e., rising up out of that mud to become a beautiful flower).  It's actually the mud itself that makes you strong.  Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a book about this called, "No Mud, No Lotus:  The Art of Transforming Suffering."  

Now, this doesn't mean we should go around looking for things to suffer about.  Life offers plenty of suffering just as it is.  What does happen, however, is that we need to be alert to the ways we make great, and even elaborate attempts to avoid suffering and this is what causes our suffering.  In other words, we can't avoid the realities of life.  Sickness and death come, and discomfort is sometimes a part of our daily living.  We can't always have what we'd like or live in the luxury we'd prefer.  And it is the desire for things to be other than what they actually are, that leads to the most suffering.

There are lots of ways we try to avoid suffering:  Drugs and alcohol, shopping, sex, gambling, entertainment, money, workaholism, eating, etc.  If we give these up, we return to experiencing the realities of life.  That is, that sometimes there might not be something to fill your time, or sometimes there are losses, breakups, empty feelings.  Sometimes we are depressed, sad, tearful, lonely, and yet if we try to escape these by filling the time with some of the above bad habits, it only makes life worse.

So learning to suffer through some of this mud in life is key to finding our way to reducing stress and anxiety, or challenging depression and sadness.  Learning to endure the discomforts that life can serve us is important and it's this "mud" that makes us strong enough to grow up out of it, and rise above the waterline in life to bloom as the lotus flowers we are.

The lotus flower grows up and out of the water and stands prominently above it with bright colors of white, red, pink, gold, etc.  These flowers shine in the sun and have multiple pedals which are also symbolic for the beauty of one's enlightenment.  But none of this would happen without the mud (the struggle and suffering) that this great flower is rooted in.

So too with you, that you must learn to endure the difficulties in life and not expect it to be other than what it really is.  Sometimes we have natural and normal anxiety and sometimes we are not always so happy.  The good news is that none of these states is permanent and you can be sure they (and you) will change and transform, just like the lotus flower does.

Thanks to Rajeev K for the great photo
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Getting our Priorities Straight: The Difference between Will and Willing

What does it mean to "have our priorities straight"?

The question basically asks each of us to look a little closer at what we are actually "doing" compared to what we are "saying".  If we place our health as one of the top priorities in our life, do our actions really reflect this?  Or are we spending our time eating poorly and sitting sedentary?

If we place our education or career-building at the top of the priority list, are we actually "doing" the things we need to do to make it happen?  Or are we spending our time on other things?

Not reflecting on our priorities can lead to neglect of some of the most precious things in our lives.  From loved ones to our everyday sense of peace.  That's why it's important to get our priorities straight and know what matters to us so we can make sure to carve out what limited time we each have on this planet, to make life what we want it to be.

If your stress reduction is of top priority to you, then it's important to get it at the top of your priority list--fast.  That means not just reading about the many great techniques out there for slowing down the breath, heart rate, and lowering blood pressure, but it also means the "actual doing".  Building the time into your schedule to learn things like meditation, sitting still, going for slow walks to synchronize your breath, taking a yoga class, and so on.  Talk is cheap, they say.  And they (whomever they are)  are right.  Doing...is the key.

So let's look at the difference between "will" and "willing".  If I am sitting in my chair and "willing" to get up out of it and go do something, I could be "willing" for years!  Sitting in a state of being "willing" to do something is not "doing".  I'm willing to do my laundry and housework right now, but that doesn't mean it's happening.  Yet.

So, moving our "willingness" to the next level is what "will" is all about.  "Will" is moving our desire to do something to the level of action, and therefore "do" the act, not just think about it.  Sometimes there is only one thing left to do... and that is the "doing".

Making your priority list is not the hard part.  Each of us seems to have a general idea of what we need to do and want to do to change our lives in the way we desire.  It's the "doing" that needs to happen next.  So you know what that means.  It means it's time to get going now.  No more reading about it.  No more asking about it.  No more talking about it.

Top priority!  You have an appointment with your top priority list.  What will you "do" next?

Thanks to Macro Verch professional photographer for the great photo
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The Relaxing Quality of Nature

As the world continues to advance and turn to technology to function, the human beings that create the technology search for ways to get back to nature and unplug whenever possible.  The goal is to not get bogged down in the gadgets that were initially meant to make life simpler, but that have instead, created a faster and more demanding world.

No matter how much technology has helped humans to simplify their lives, it has also reminded them that humans are still a part of nature, and also a part of all of the other living beings on this planet that move and function with the forces of nature.

In other words, humans are not the machines they create!  A human being continues to move with the seasons and the natural rise and set of the sun.  Humans need sleep, sunshine, and enough relaxation to renew the changing human body that works tirelessly sometimes to meet its needs.  That's why it's important for human beings to get back out and into nature whenever possible.

There is no debate that it's not natural for the human body to sit at a computer all day.  It's not even natural for it to sit at a desk all day.  For example, it's not natural for the human eyes to focus on an office wall or computer screen all day that is only inches or feet away.  The human eye is meant to look close and far, and sometimes within the same task, such as looking at the mountain tops in the distance and then at the flowers at one's feet.  It's important to step away from your desk now and then and aim your eyes at a distant target such as the horizon or distant landscape.

The human body begins to become unstable when it doesn't walk enough or stand enough or move enough.  And the various senses that the human body uses, need to be exercised frequently in order to stay sharp and function well.  Human instincts can't be sharp if they are not used for anything more than scrolling up and down a computer screen, or for typing.

When looking at what the various culprits are that contribute to your stress, measure the list of items that put demand on your body in the way we might put demand on a machine.  Machines are expected to function non-stop, repeatedly, and many times as fast as they can possibly function.  But human beings can't function that way for long.  Think of getting out and into nature as a way to recalibrate your body and instincts so as to help you remember you are human, and not a machine.

Thanks to Elisa Bracco for the wonderful photo
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Reducing Stress with Local Travel Trips

Sometimes traveling can be an adventure, and it's a goal many of us seek in life.  However, it can also lead to a lot of stress and complicated planning that can increase anxiety as the details and intricate pieces of a complicated trip unfold.  That's why considering more simplified local travel trips in your own area can be much more enjoyable and a lot less expensive and taxing.

We tend to always think that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, or at least in someone else's state or country besides our own.  But if you do a little digging, you might realize that many people work to try and come to your own area for things you never knew existed.  Festivals, parades, annual celebrations and gatherings, lakes, mountains, sporting events, unique geological spots like hot springs, and volcanic rock formations.  Most places have some kind of history that makes them special, be that for wildlife, camping and hiking, or just for the local life of breweries, restaurants and unique architecture.

If you tend to feel like you need another entire vacation just to rest up after returning from your vacations, you might need to rethink what you consider a relaxing getaway, and consider new ways to make your plans a lot less stressful.  Staying fairly local, or within your own surrounding state can be less expensive as it doesn't require as much time spent in flight, train or car.  In fact, you can actually spend more time enjoying whatever it is you've gone to do or see.  And if it saves you so much to stay local that you have extra vacation funds left over, then you can spend that on more local things like boating, helicopter tours, museums, interesting new foods, and the plentiful spa, massage, and relaxation offerings in most vacation spots.

We can get stuck believing that a real vacation is one that is loaded with lots of expensive new and unique activities we should bring back to tell others about--as if it's not a real getaway if you can't say that you lived it up, tried new things (i.e. zip lining, skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving, etc.), saw every famous spot and checked one more item off of your bucket list.  But your next vacation getaway does not have to be so elaborate (and stressful).  It's just as fine to bring home stories of full bodied relaxation, soaks in hot natural mineral water, beautiful sunsets, and peaceful mountain lakes that look like glass.

Thanks to Christian Collins for the great photo of Lake of Glass, Rocky Mtn Nat Park, Colorado
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Reduce Stress and Anxiety with Moderation

What does it mean to "avoid excessive extremes"?  That's what moderation is.  But how can we know if we've lost our balance with concepts, behavior or activity in a way that has tosses us off balance and moved us into "excess" in one direction or the other?

Learning to practice the Buddhist philosophy of moderation is one way to actively work to maintain balance in life and find peace, which will in turn lead to reduced stress and anxiety.  This concept is folded into something called The Eightfold Path in Buddhism.

The Eightfold Path (also called the Middle Way) has many parts to it, but its main message is to live in moderation so as to not lean toward an extreme in any direction.  Just after Buddha had his awakening or "enlightenment", he immediately began to teach this concept of moderation.  He had experienced firsthand what it was like to live in extremes of self-neglect and starvation, as well as in excessive wealth and sensual indulgence.  He realized that happiness rests somewhere in the middle.

Just after marijuana became legal here in Colorado I began to see an upswing in clients coming to see me who weren't sure anymore how much pot was too much pot.  Once it had become okay to buy and use all they wanted, many folk began to use in excess and had to figure out where their own sense of balance was going to be with it.  But this example holds true for many other things, including alcohol use, eating, gambling, spending, sleeping, sex, working, running, dieting, or really just about anything human beings can and will think, do or believe.  Excess can show up in religious beliefs, in marketing, in war, in meditation, in politics, in working out, and even in intellectualized discourse.  Buddha called the excesses "addictions".  So, it's very important that we stay aware of our need to practice moderation no matter what it is we are doing from moment to moment, and this is done by staying mindful of each of those moments.

There is, of course, much more to the Eightfold Path (which can be studied separately from this article) than just the topic of moderation, but this writing is focusing on the concept of moderation itself.  Try to stay mindful of your own behaviors and desires to repeat what feels good until it becomes excessive.  That's what "chasing a high" is all about.  But also notice how we humans can run from what doesn't feel good, as well.  We move in extremes to avoid discomforts that sometimes would be best for us to learn to endure a little bit, such as cravings, sitting for meditation, patience with rude drivers, tolerating that someone disagrees with us, or the discomfort that comes when we know we need to assert ourselves.

Moderation means we don't isolate or socialize in excess, we don't drink or do drugs to excess, and yet we can still recognize statistics that say a glass of red wine a day can be good for you.  With moderation we are realistic about anxiety and depression, knowing they won't stick around forever and they probably aren't the kinds of human events you will get to the end of your life never having experienced.  But to think they should never come, or that you should never experience them, or that they will always stay, is also excessive.  Our thinking can be excessive as well, as we can see in our unrealistic expectations of partners and friends, or of ourselves.  Just as excessive sleep doesn't help you get to work on time, but lack of sleep can cause you to make dangerous errors if you do get there.

Try to focus more on finding a place of balance in your daily life.  Moderation is a wonderful insight and practice.  It's not easy, and you won't do it perfectly, and trying to do it perfectly is just excessive anyway.  All you can do is try to stay as mindful of moderation in your life as you can.  That's good enough.

Thanks to Ryan Adams for the great photo
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Peace of Mind

What does it really mean to "find peace"?  By definition, peace means a state of quiet tranquility where there are no disturbances, no war, no aggression, and no conflict or hostility.  It's a place of harmony or perhaps a time of calm contentment.

When we are seeking peace we might be looking for a quiet place or gentle environment.  Maybe a break from noise and human congestion.  Peace can be that small coffee shop where not a lot of people go, or it can be your own home library or patio get away where water fountains gently trickle and birds click away in the trees.

Finding peace within the mind, however, is a little tougher and requires training ourselves to stay in the present rather than allowing the mind to wandering off into worry, rumination, or dwelling on regrets about the past.  By the same definition, peace of mind also seeks to find a place of quiet mental tranquility where we are not disturbed by our noisy or aggressive thoughts.  Finding a cognitive place of harmony and calm contentment means staying mindful of what is happening right at this moment.

One method for finding a mindful place of peace is to focus on the senses.  Noticing in this present moment what it is you feel, smell, hear, taste, and see can help to keep your mind from wandering off into the noise and disturbance of thoughts about the past and worries about the future that take you away from this very moment.

Focusing on the senses in the present moment can bring you to full awareness of the meal you are eating, the music you are listening to, the feel of the temperature in the room, the beauty of your surroundings, or the aroma of everything in front of you, be it a cup of coffee or a beautiful flower.

When the mind is trained to stay present it is at a higher state of peace than when it is untrained and living in the past or the future.  A mind that is dwelling on the past, where it lives out the hour or day ruminating about how things "should" have been, or "could" have been, is a mind at war with itself.  And a mind living in the future, where it dwells on the "what ifs" and contemplates the catastrophes that may come, is a mind that can never rest due to that jackhammer noise called "worry".

Peace, and better yet... Peace of Mind, is a quiet and tranquil place, free of unwanted and disturbing thoughts.  It's a place of harmony and calm contentment, in the mind.  You have no greater task in this lifetime than to bring your mind to a place of peace, and there is no greater peace than being fully present in this very moment.

Thanks to Ray MacLean for the great photo
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Personalizing your Relaxation

Everyone has a different idea of what relaxation is.  Where one person might believe that heading out to sea on a lovely sailboat to catch a glimpse of the sunset on the ocean horizon is all they need to quiet their mind and slow their breath, another might feel that heading out on the ocean in any vessel, at all, is the equivalent of being trapped on a floating, inescapable prison cell.

The point is that no one else can tell you what relaxation "should" be--for you.  Each individual will need to come to an awareness on their own as to what it is in life that brings them a state of calm, meditative peace.

Each of us does need to keep in mind, however, that we do not have to adhere to the expectations of others that what they find to be personally relaxing, is what we should find to be relaxing, too.  Just as important, is to know that we have a right to enjoy the things we find relaxing, without others telling us we should not find those things to be relaxing just because they do not find them to be relaxing for themselves.

Though a beekeeper may find it very relaxing to suit up and spend time working with their bees and honey, someone else might find it difficult to understand how spending time with hundreds or thousands of flying insects, with the potential of stinging, could possibly be relaxing.

At the same time, there are many who find massage therapy to be very relaxing, healing, and calming.  Yet, for others, the notion of being touched in this way by a stranger is more stress and anxiety inducing that it is relaxing.

When it comes to relaxation, self-trust and self-knowledge is key to making the best of your time and effort, but for this you may have to explore a little bit and try a few new things in order to discover what things may bring you the most sense of relaxation and peace.  In the end, it is you who will be the decision maker about what is and is not relaxing for you personally.  In this way you give your body your full attention and let it know you are listening to what it has to say.

Here are a few (non-animal-harming) ideas for things that some have found relaxing:

*Rock Climbing
*Music
*Sailing, canoeing, kayaking
*Gardening
*Hot Springs
*Reiki
*Hiking
*Woodworking
*Cooking
*Massage Therapy
*Tea Ceremony
*Meditation
*Sauna, Hot Tub, or Steam Room
*Art (Painting, drawing, pottery, etc.)
*Day Spa
*Tai Chi and Qigong
*Peaceful time with animals
*Surfing
*Picnics
*Conversation with friends

Thanks to JacobEnos for the great photo
https://www.flickr.com/photos/notjake13/
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The Relaxing Art of Conversational Meditation

Many time we think of meditation as something one might do solo, in private, with silence and without the distraction of others.  However, meditative conversation is a relaxing way to be fully present and in the company of a good friend, while also relaxing and reducing stress.

Traditional definitions of meditation include things such as "concentration on one's breath" or "repeating a mantra".  They can also include activities such as staring at a candle flame or using a guided imagery in one's mind.

But when it comes right down to it, meditation is actually all of these as they all have one thing in common, and that is that they train the mind and consciousness to be fully present and focused on whatever it is that is happening right now.

In meditative conversation, one must work to sharpen their listening skills so they can remain fully present.  It's not uncommon to talk about oneself too much, or change the topic your companion is presenting to be all about "me, myself, and I".  Other common mistakes that distract from being fully present in conversation are things like talking over the top of your friend, rushing to reply before your conversation companion has finished their sentence, and continually changing the topic to focus on your own life and events.  There is a common misconception that conversation is made up of, "I talk about me, then you talk about you".  Which is not really a conversation.  It's two people talking about themselves in the presence of another person. It's talking "at" someone, not with them.

Here are some tips for meditative conversation you can try the next time you plan to get together with a good friend, companion, acquaintance, or partner.

*Meditative conversation is best done in a quieter, relaxed setting where complete focus can be directed at listening and responding to what is heard.  A bar scene is for other kinds of communication, and the loud music and distraction does not make for truly focused discussions.

*Practiced listening skills are key, in that one cannot be listening to another if they are already trying to figure out what their own next sentence will be.  Actively work to not just remain silent (which is not all that "listening" is), but to also hear what is being said.  Active listening involves responses that let others know we are following them, are curious about details, want to know more, can relate to what they are saying, and are truly interested and have heard what they've just said.  Rushing in to turn the topic focus to oneself is not the idea.

*Eye contact, or at least facing one another if outdoors or wearing sunglasses, is a way of showing interest.  Looking away, or over the top of someone's shoulder only says, "I'm not really interested in whatever it is you are saying."  Today we have a very big problem with people looking down at their phones or computers and not really demonstrating attention when others are speaking to them.  Bragging that you are only "multi-tasking" doesn't help the other person feel you are truly present for them.  So put gadgets away and bring your full attention into the present.  When it comes to meditational conversation you are either "fully" present, or you are not.  Partial presence is not fully present.

*When it's your turn to speak, don't dominate the airspace too much, but also don't deadpan or respond with one-word replies.  That causes an imbalance in conversation in which the other person has to "carry the load" of the entire conversation by themselves, and it also says you are not bringing yourself to the moment and are not participating fairly in conversation.

*A good conversation is done with just one other person.  Many good talks can come with more people present, but all involved would need to practice these meditative skills and as the crowd grows, the listening skills and etiquette tends to meander.

Meditative conversation with another can be relaxing and enjoyable, especially if both individuals are fully present.  Try this with a good friend or companion and see how different a conversation can be.

Thanks to vxla for the great photo
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Stress Reduction and Hot Springs Mineral Pools

A popular way to relax and unwind is to soak in one of the many natural hot springs pools from around the world.

These thermal springs have water temperatures higher than the air temperature in the surrounding area.  The water has been heated by shallow areas of molten rock.

The water found in these springs contains many different kinds of minerals, which have been found to improve blood circulation.

Soaking in the warm mineral waters can sooth sore muscles, relieve pain, help with skin problems, and reduce joint pain.  All of these combined lead to a more relaxed body and mind.

If you are a resident of Colorado, you are in luck because we have plenty of hot springs in the area.  Here is a list of 30 different springs in the area you can try:  

30 Colorado Hot Springs

There are some rules to follow when you visit one of these locations in order to make sure you don't over do it.  First of all, RELAX.  Take your time and remember to go with the full intention of relaxation.  Be sure to take water with you!  Drink water 15 minutes before entering any hot springs pool, and after soaking in limited intervals, drink more water during breaks.

While soaking, practice your mindfulness meditation.  Relax the body, relax the mind.  It's a time to put your worries away and not try to solve life's problems.  Let the warm mineral water heal and re-energize you.  There will be plenty of time to work on life's issues another time.

As they say in the Lion King... "Hakuna Matata"  (No worries).

Thanks to Chi Tranter for the great photo of Snow Monkeys

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Reducing Stress during the Holiday Season

Though they are advertised as the most pleasant seasonal events of the year, the holidays can actually be some of the most stressful times for many people.  Much of the media during these times insists that everyone feel jolly, happy, joyful and thrilled to no end about spending money they don't have in order to satisfy the gift-giving season.  Unfortunately, this expectation is unrealistic for those who find the holidays (and the time of year) depressing and difficult.

That's why self acceptance is very important during the holidays.  If you don't feel all that thrilled about the holidays, you don't have to hide it, but you can find ways to try to make the very best of a time when your emotions are not in alignment with the external world's demands.

First of all, stop to think about what it is you personally need during the holidays.  Is it just relaxation?  Time with your family?  Some kind of traditional event that makes things feel right for you?  Sometimes the holidays get even harder when we feel pulled in all directions by the demands of others who are trying to get their needs met as well.  It's important to find a balance and make sure you are not getting spread too thin.  Saying no to some things is okay, and saying yes to your own needs can be a part of the formula for a good holiday.

Money is always a stressful factor during the holiday season as well.  It's okay to make it clear to others that you need to limit your spending, so be sure to speak up.  Suggesting that the family or office crew draw names to reduce the number of gift spending is always wise and helps reduce financial worries.

If the holidays aren't your thing, try to plan some events that feel more in tune to what you need, be they non-holiday themed movies, concerts, trips, books, socials with friends or just solo getaways that reduce your exposure to the media hype and promotions.

Don't be surprised if there are others out there that feel the same way and would love to get together with you to do something "non-festive".  Check in with some of your friends and family and see if any are up to the task of finding something that can remove you in any small way from triggers that contribute to your depression and stress during this time of year. 

Here are some ideas of things you can do to cope with your stress and anxiety during the holidays:

*Go hiking or snowshoeing which pulls you into nature and away from media hype
*Go see a non-holiday themed movie during the day when crowds are low
*Go for a walk or bike ride where festive decorations and music are not heard
* Limit your spending by announcing to others you plan to give limited gifts this year
*Say no if you need to when others demand you fly or travel to see them for the holidays
*Be sure to share and delegate shopping and other tasks to your spouse or other relatives
*Explain to children you are not made of gold and they can't have everything they want
*Above all, take time to sit down now and then to relax and take a breath.

Thanks to William Brawley for the lovely holiday photo
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