Artemis II: A Reminder of the Power of Mindfulness

Every now and then humanity is reminded of what it is outside of the borders, wars, and problems it has created for itself.  The recent Artemis II space flight mission around the moon was just such a reminder in which one of the astronauts, Christina Koch said, "There are no lines." Meaning, what she saw of us from space is oceans, weather systems, and no borders.  A complete whole.  One.

The mission was something the world's population have been needing, to remind us of how deeply we've become engrossed in our petty systemic bickering and violence toward one another, and how much we've forgotten who we really are on what Carl Sagan called, "a pale blue dot".

Out here in the vast universe, our existence is something to behold.  We can choose to live in awe or we can bury our heads in the sand of chaos and never look up until our last breath, when we may find ourselves wondering what we missed.

When stress is part of our everyday lives we may not look up at the sky for days, weeks or even months until some spectacular sunrise or sunset catches our eye, or we find ourselves outside under a star-filled sky on some wonderful summer's evening and are reminded of what Victor Glover described as this "oasis" called Earth, floating out in space.

Mindfulness practices help us come back to just what is happening right this minute.  The heartbeat, sounds, the feel of the temperature, the taste of things, the smell of things, and what the glorious human eye is seeing.  Even if it sees darkness.

The difference between humans that are going through this one precious life asleep and those going through it awake, is that those who are awake, are aware.  It's the difference between being on this planet and functioning, and being on this planet and functioning while fully "aware" that one is on this planet and functioning.

The crew of Artemis II were probably four of the most aware human beings on and off the planet recently.  Literally thrust into awareness by the strike of the universal Zen Master's stick, who called them to the full attention of reality.  On return they expressed their awe and heightened view of the oneness of who we all are.  Reminding us that our imaginary borders are in the way of our attempts to wake up, and they can't be seen from the vastness of space.

Does that mean that our everyday battles and hardships are not real?  No, but it does mean that waking up is important.  Staying mindful matters.  Not getting lost in this chaotic world so much that you forget who you are and what you are a part of.

Mindfulness practices are not just a fad.  They are a practice and a discovery that can benefit you and your relationships, as well as your community, country and the planet.  It's about the hope that as many people as possible, on this pale blue dot, will be both awake and aware.  In this way the Earth and the living things that make it what it is, will be a system of self-care and not one of self-destruction.

"It's a special thing to be a human and it's a special thing to be on planet Earth."  Reid Wiseman (Artemis II Mission Commander).

Thanks to NASA for the great image from the Orion spacecraft 2026

The Moving Mind: How we see the World

There is an interesting Zen story about two monks who are looking up at a flagpole. It goes something like this:  "Two monks spend two months looking up at a flagpole as part of their practice.  One says, "The flag is moving."  The other says, "The wind is moving."  They argue back and forth, unable to agree.  When the Zen master walks by, she says, "Neither the flag nor the wind is moving.  Your mind is moving."

There are many versions of this story, but the general interpretation, meaning or lesson is similar in all.  That we are so busy wanting to explain things and have a solid answer, and then defend that view or belief, that we actually miss the present moment and remain unable to see that it's the internal filter of our own minds that make our particular and personal reality what it is.  So attached to our own judgments, interpretations, opinions, views, and expectations, we miss what is really there, right now.  

Your mind is moving.

Where can we see these similar lessons in life?  Two people arguing over how to make the brownies.  Walnuts or no walnuts?  Both missing the reality of their moment together, alive and breathing. Or how about two owners of the same pet arguing over how to have the dog groomed.  Short or with design?  Both missing the potential of a co-created event, and instead miffed about the outcomes.  Then there is the local politics.  Two parties arguing over how to use the town funding.  Invest in local ponds or build a new shooting range?  Each sure of their stance and all missing the opportunity for real compromise in the present.  Finally, what about the warring countries?  Each defending their personal view, politics, or religion, and overlooking the destruction of bombs on an already dying and environmentally threatened planet they share.

It was the American Zen teacher, Joko Beck, author of Everyday Zen and Nothing Special, who wrote about how it is our minds that create suffering and separation, and she spoke at length about how we humans can be so cruel and harmful to one another since we all judge and react from that place of the moving mind.  That internal filter we are so attached to and so defensive of.  Not one of us is free of this human flaw.  But we can get a little better over time if we realize the Zen master was right.  "Your mind is moving".  It's not a good or bad thing.  It's just something to notice and pay attention to.

When it comes to things like depression or anxiety, even anger or resentment, we could say, don't blame the flag or the wind.  Look instead to your one moving mind.  What is it doing?  How is it hanging on to its own view, its own belief system, its own judgment about your depression or anxiety?  Look for the purest awareness of reality you can find.  We could argue at length about the causes of these as well as anger and resentment.  But what is real?  What is opinion?  What is belief?  What is actually happening?  Do you truly know?  You can theorize it's the traffic or your irritation with your spouse, but if you pause you can try one step further in looking with your purest mind's awareness and see that no matter the cause, your mind is having its say about it.

Sometimes we interpret situations as more dangerous than they really are.  This sends messages to the body that there is danger when there isn't and the body reacts.  Sometimes we see things happening in the world and tell ourselves, "It's all hopeless", when it isn't.  This sends messages to the body to give up, and it reacts.  We can look out at our country today and see the behavior of fellow citizens and we create a story in our head.  "It's the flag moving", or "It's the wind".  But don't forget what makes those views your own.  Your Mind is Moving

You can read more about mindsets and cognitive restructuring in one of my earlier blog entries from February 2020 here

"Anxiety is always a gap between the way things are and the way we think they ought to be"     Joko Beck

Thanks to Kitty Terwolbeck for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

What Meditation Is and Is Not.

Knowing what meditation is and is not can help you develop a good meditation practice with realistic expectations.

What meditation is not:  

Meditation is not a technique used to get us into some sort of emotional state.  So if you are trying to get out of anger, or into a steady attitude of joy, meditation is not the way.  It's not a form of escapism in which you can run away from your addictions, boss, annoyances, or problems.  It's also not meant to put an end to your ruminations, although it probably can help with them, that's not the aim.  It's not therapy in that if you sit down and meditate your problems will begin to resolve themselves from the effort.  So don't assume meditation will bring that your way, either.  And meditation is not a religion, although it can be practiced by individuals from a wide range of various religious beliefs.

There are plenty of ways to rest, relax, and find leisure, but these are not meditation, either.  A guided imagery exercise is nice and even enjoyable and entertaining, but it is not meditation.  So a "guided meditation" is a little misleading and leaves you vulnerable to the decisions, directions, and reality of someone else.  It also keeps you from being aware of your true present moment, unless you just want to be aware of your relaxing and entertaining guided imagery, which is perfectly fine, but it's not meditation.

What meditation is:

Meditation is best thought of as ways in which you practice staying mindful, which means you are aware of the present moment as it is, not as it once was or how you want it to be.  So it is a state of awareness and many meditation techniques are those that help you stay present and aware of your moment-to-moment existence in this life.

When you hear someone say they have meditation as a "practice" it means they are literally practicing mindfulness and possibly using mindfulness techniques to do that, and the reason this is important is because humans have a tendency to miss out on reality itself because they are either dwelling on the past and ruminating about the things that have already been, or they are worried and anxious about the future and those things that have not ever actually happened.  

For instance, if you drive to the grocery store and upon arrival can't really recall all the traffic lights and things you saw along the way because you spent the drive angry about the thing your boss said yesterday, or you were busy ruminating about something a friend said about something you did or said, or your mind was focused on and worried about some upcoming event next week, then you actually missed out on that entire drive that was a part of your real and actual moment-to-moment life.  

But with practice, we can all get much better over time at being present for our lives and actually aware of the goings-on, the things sensed, the people coming in and out of our awareness, that series of traffic lights on the way to the store, and the true reality of every moment of our very short and limited precious lives.

So meditation is not the things that help us escape reality and the present moment, but it is awareness itself of the present moment.  So if you are using the present moment to escape reality, you are not meditating, but if you are fully present then your meditation is sound.

You can find some great guidance as a beginner in this wonderful book by Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

Meditation is not really about seeking relaxation, but it does help with relaxation by bringing your mind to the present and pulling it away from future oriented worry which produces stress.  You can find my prior blog entry about the ways meditation helps with relaxation here 

"Just being in the moment in this place is the deepest practice of meditation"     ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks to luckey_sun for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

Autumn Walk: A Mindfulness Practice

Autumn is a perfect time to let walking be your mindfulness practice.  It is full of all the richness that brings the senses alive and it's one of the healthiest and safest exercises for the human body.

A helpful exercise when practicing mindfulness is to focus on the senses, and a relaxing walk among the smells, sights and sounds of Autumn can be the perfect combination for staying in the present moment.

When our racing minds begin to take off to the future with worried "what-if" thinking, or when they drift to the past with messages of how things "should" have been, or "could" have been, then we are not present.  But mindfulness practices that bring us right into our senses can help with this.  The sounds, smells, view, feel and even the tastes we experience in the present moment are all that really exist.  We can consider the past and bring information from it to the present to help us solve something or move forward, and we can consider those worries about the future in order to apply action to productive worry, but letting our minds live in the past or future only leads to prolong feelings of depression and anxiety.  

Don't worry.  You're not alone if your mind tends to drift off into the past or future quite often, but you can get better and better at staying in the present by apply daily practices that exercise your ability to return to the present over and over again.  The more you practice mindfulness, the more frequently you will be present and the less you will suffer from the consequences of living in symptoms of depression and anxiety that are triggered by thoughts, and not reality.

A beautiful and relaxing Autumn walk is perfect for these kinds of mindfulness practices.  In such an environment you can intentionally pay attention to the brilliant changing colors all around you.  Fall is a time of year that offers carpeted paths of fallen leaves of shades ranging from yellow and green, to orange and red.  The changing environment around you will also offer the smells of the changing season.  Damp leaves and transforming forest floors produce the smells of the shifting season as the trees around you are shedding their growth for the coming winter. 

There is something about walking among all those leaves that also has a feel of insulation that softens sound.  Depending on where you live, you will also hear the sound of the traveling birds as they make their way south this time of year, and other animals will be busy in the bush preparing their winter homes and food supply.

As you zero in on these senses during your walk, you may not notice it but your mind is no longer racing into the future with worry or drifting into the past with sorrow, regret, and other emotions that surface.  These changes also preventing any ongoing unnecessary symptoms that those memories or worries create in your present moment.

Here is an exercise for your Autumn walk.  Spend 5 minutes on each statement, rotating through them repeatedly throughout your walk:  "What do I see?", "What do I hear?", "What do I smell?", "What do I taste?", and "What do I feel?"  The very last one listed here is not about feeling emotionally or psychologically, but what you feel physically, such as the temperature, or the sun on your face, or your clothing on your body, etc.  In addition, if you do not detect something in one of your senses, that's okay.  For instance, if you are not eating anything, or do not have gum or anything else in your mouth, you might not really taste anything at the moment, and that's okay.  Just move to the next sense and continue.

This is a beautiful time of year to get outside and enjoy the mild temperatures, as well as the beautiful colors and smells.  They say there is no time like the present, but the truth is that the present is the only time that really exists.  So it should say, "There is no time but the present". 

"Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree."     ~EmilyBronte

Thanks to Sebnem Gulfidan for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Walking in the Rain: A Mindfulness Practice

It's true there is a category of individuals that don't like the rain.  They find it depressing and oppressive, or perhaps believe it is something that is interfering with their sunshine, gardening, and blue-sky day.  But there is another group of people who find something very relaxing about rain.  They enjoy going out for walks on a rainy day, or just being lulled to sleep by the sound of rain.  And for them, the rain is a welcome arrival of comfort and peace.

No doubt this is why so many relaxation recordings and videos have been made that include rain, and why there is an entire industry that designs and sells water fountains, water sound machines, and landscaping developments that have water fountains and elements of water built into them.  But specifically going out and walking in the rain can be an entire form of meditation all in itself, and is an exercise in mindfulness practice because it includes all of the senses.  

When going for a stroll out in the rain, you will eventually feel it at some point on your skin, but there is also a smell to rain as well, as it hits the pavement, wood, and foliage all around you.  And the sound itself is a relaxing one because it has a steady ongoing rhythm that tends to be consistent like a running stream.  

Out in the element of rain the other senses are also activated and the atmosphere can range from foggy and overcast to partly cloudy and rainbow images in the sky, but typically the visual image is much softer on the eyes so you don't have to squint or strain to protect them from bright light.  A cleansing feeling is common when walking out in the rain as the dust, pollen, and maybe even ruminating thoughts are all washed away.

Add fog to the mix and many people have described a walk in the rain like being wrapped in a warm blanket.  In fact, as clouds move in and even lower, sound becomes more muffled and much softer so any conversation has a gentle feel to it that is soft and relaxed.  

The next time it rains, consider a nice meditative walk out in the elements.  Grab your umbrella and rain coat and use the event as a way to practice your relaxation and mindfulness skills.  Stay as present as you can and focus on the senses.  Instead of just closing the rain out or distracting yourself until it is done, try not to miss the chance to fully experience the rain in this lifetime.

"You cannot touch the clouds, you know; but you can feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day."   ~Helen Keller

Thanks to Y'amal for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Less is More: Reducing Stress by Simplifying Life

If you find yourself feeling like you want to simplify life--clear the clutter and downsize to less "stuff", less spending, less accumulation, desire and want--, part of the battle will be to define what simplicity means to you, personally.  For some it can look pretty complex when compared to what simplicity might mean to others.  If you think owning twenty pairs of shoes is simpler than the fifty you have had for years, someone else might find the thought of owning twenty pairs of shoes a challenge in finding storage space.  If shopping just once a week is a nice reduction from your usual daily spending, someone else might find that shopping on a weekly basis would be a treat compared to the monthly time they permit themselves to go a little bit beyond what the budget allows.

There are several different ways to look at the concept of "simple".  It is frequently just thought of as "natural", meaning that nothing artificial or complicated has been added.  But then we'd have to get complicated already and define for each individual what "natural" is, and this starts getting away from the idea of simple real fast.  So let's just take one of the most common descriptions of simple, and that is that simple has "few added parts".  Or we could just simplify that even more to say that simple means "fewer".

When we say that "less is more" we mean that having less brings you more of something else.  You gain more peace of mind.  When life is less complex it's like lessening the load of a heavy backpack you've been carrying for too long.  And that pack can be lightened of more than just the material weight of items not needed anymore.  It can be lightened of worry, excessive stress, ruminating thoughts, traumatic memories, bad habits,  and even wasted time, like surfing the net or watching TV.

So what will be defined as simple or natural to you is going to be unique to you, and you might continue to expand your definition over the years.  For some it can eventually mean a remote existence in the deep forest, and for others it could mean a downsized city life with the least number of complications and needs allowable.  The main task will be deciding for yourself where you feel your life is too complex in the first place.  Is it in your work?  Your home?  Perhaps your finances or your relationships?  Or maybe the biggie for most of us...and that is in our thinking styles.

Simple doesn't have to mean dull and lifeless.  We can look at the beauty of Ikebana, the Japanese art of flower arrangement, to see that simple can be deeply beautiful and full of life and color.  A place where less is more.  

So here are some ideas for simplifying your life.  Keep in mind that this is very individualized and your concept of "fewer" is going to be different when compared to what others see as "less" in their lives.  Be self compassionate and give yourself permission to know what feels right for you.  What can you do with less of?  In what areas of your life would "fewer" work?

• Notice places in your environment where you have stocked up on several of the same item.  Determine how long it's been since you've actually needed all the "extras" and determine if keeping just one or two would actually work out just the same.
• Take a scroll through your phone contacts and determine how many phone numbers you are scrolling through that don't need to be there anymore.  Maybe some you've hung onto for so long you haven't dialed in years.  Can some be deleted?
• What clothing items hang in your closet or take up dresser space that have not been worn in over a year?  Or two years?  Or five years?  Do they really need to be there?
• You may find that there are items in your kitchen that were outdated a year ago.  Maybe longer.  Check the back of the shelves and inside the drawers and see if you can rid of some things that can never be used again.
• Carry items around before buying them.  Even in your electronic carts online.  Leave things there and come back to them later to see if you really still think you need or want them.  Sometimes we buy less by just sleeping on it.
• Set a timer when surfing the net.  After 30 minutes, get up and go do something else.  Less is more when you can enjoy more of life and not spend all of your time on the computer.
• Create less opportunity for others to interrupt your personal time by scheduling it for yourself and not letting anyone take it from you.  Having an appointment with yourself reduces the concept of FOMO (fear of missing out).
• Set limits at your place of employment, even if you are your own boss.  Be firm about quitting time and stop letting work gobble up more and more of your precious time.
• Use Mindfulness practices to interrupt unwanted or repetitive thinking and ruminations.  Joko Beck, in her book Everyday Zen, suggests noticing what you are thinking throughout the day and labeling the thoughts, or placing those thoughts into categories so you can raise your awareness that we each have a set of thought categories we return to repeatedly.  "I'm not doing enough" thoughts, or "Something bad will happen" thoughts.  Discover what your most frequent thought categories are.  Intentionally noticing them and categorizing them, according to Joko, helps them begin to dissolve.  This happens because we move from "generating" thoughts, to "observing" thoughts.

           It's a good thing to be satisfied with what one has."    ~Buddha

Thanks to crabchick  and terrance rengarasu for the great photos, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Meditation in the Winter: Finding Relaxing Stillness

Winter can be a very peaceful and calming time.  For one thing, it is quiet.  Snow tends to give an insulating feeling to your surroundings and cushions sound and mood.

Symbolically, we turn inward in the winter time, a little bit like hibernating bears.  Although we don't sleep the winter away like they do, we do slow down, crave different kinds of foods, and experience a changed metabolism.  We also tend to turn in a little earlier at night when the sun sets sooner than other times of the year.

Winter also moves us to seek out things that are cozy, like warm fires and hot coco, as well as soft sweaters, fleece hats and wools socks.  These cozy things are reminiscent of our time in the womb when our surroundings were literally wrapped around our entire being, and brought us the support of our universe as we knew it then.

While turning inward we become more contemplative, perhaps do some writing or artwork (such as painting and drawing), or maybe some cooking and baking, reading, and other home projects.  We tend to get a little more creative overall.

Winter is also a great time for meditation.  The push to be indoors brings us right to the company of our meditation mat and the quiet surrounding is perfect for our practice of stilling the mind.  Always remember that you won't do this perfectly as the determination of the monkey-mind will want to interrupt the peacefulness of any soft winter sitting.  But do your best and allow yourself the patience you deserve to approach your winter stillness with self-compassion.

Your meditation can include the contemplation of your unanswerable life's question (your koan), or perhaps the meaning of a good poem can help you stay focused.  Here is one by Robert Frost to give you some pause.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Thanks to Jonathan Cook-Fisher for the great photo from Truckee River South Lake Tahoe, CA

Reducing Anxiety: Taming the Mind

When we “take life apart” we realize that it is made up of many place-holders we have created as a species to represent other things.  For instance, paper printed with ink is called “money” and is put in place of something we call “value” and so we label these “pieces of value” in our pocket as “fives” and “twenties” and even though they measure the same size and fold the same way in our pocket, one is assumed to be more valuable than the other based on the printing we have placed on each particular piece of paper.

It took a lot of thought to come up with these sophisticated methods of functioning in the world, but many of us have grown to live by them.  When an electronic light, installed on a metal post on the corner of a human-created street comes on (thanks to our human-created electricity) and that light is red but not green, we stop our human-created vehicle at the human-created white cross-walk, and we wait a bit so that other vehicles can do something different depending on the color of the electronic light they see on “their” metal post, on “their” side of the street, and so on.

We have done this with many things and you can see that we have used languages all over the world to then place judgment on the parts and pieces we have put in place to represent reality.  Judgment just means we have created dualism--breaking things in to more parts such as “good or bad”, “right or wrong”, “acceptable or unacceptable”, and so on.  And by this means we have created the chaos of the world that deciphers what constitutes the hierarchies we will live by.   What we will praise or shame children for.  What we will give a gold medal or prison time for.  What defines the value of a human being--be it wealth, skin color, sex, size of home, size of bodily organs, popularity of belief, level of knowledge, age, etc.

One step beyond this phenomena, is that we have identified with this pretend-world we have created and come to believe that the place-holders are the real thing.  Or that the one piece of paper that folds the same as the other identically sized and shaped piece of paper in my pocket, “actually is” more valuable than the other.  Or that the white person we have valued more highly than the black or brown-skinned individual “actually is” more valuable than the others.  That the male “actually is” more valuable than the female, and the dog and cat “actually are” more valuable than the chicken or the cow.  By use of the word “identify” I mean we have really embraced it as our reality, but more importantly as “who and what reality really is as a whole”.

In true meditation practice—when someone sits down on a mat and relaxes the body and becomes quiet—the aim is not just to find a little peace.  Meditation begins with the practice of quieting the mind so that you might first begin to see all of these parts and pieces floating around, distracting you and dragging you out of this moment and out of reality.  Instead, focusing on something “right here” (i.e., the breath, my big toe, the sound of traffic outside, the hum of the refrigerator), you begin to see what is actually present “before” all the chatter and distraction of the brain’s busy-thinking pulls you away. 

In Zen practice this is called “before thinking mind”.  It means, before judgments, before labels, before opinions, before we take off with things mentally and verbally, but most importantly it means, before we exit the present moment by attaching ourselves to the ox (the thinking mind) that wanders off into the woods of our judging dualism, where we can get lost for hours, days, weeks, and even a lifetime.  And it’s here we find the source of our ruminations, anxieties, depression, sorrows, angers, worries, and we find we have fully identified (come to believe as real) each and every one of these thoughts, labels, representations, and opinions. 

We know in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that when we identify with something as true, the feelings follow.   If I believe that I am less valuable because I am female, or if I believe I am more valuable because I am male, then the feelings will follow.  If I believe I am in danger, even if I am not, I will have understandable anxiety in situations that others might not understand.  If I believe that the world has gone to hell in a hand-basket, then feelings about that will follow and I might feel discouraged, disillusioned and disappointed.  Contrary to popular belief, Buddha did not say “You are what you think”.  What he actually is noted to have said was, “What you think, you become”.

Taming the mind is an ongoing process and only the greatest of Zen Masters do it well.  The depictions of the famous Ten Ox Herding images define this life-long and ongoing process.  The Ox herding images define stages of the process of taming this wandering mind (the Ox) and eventually bringing ourselves into the present moment “as much as possible”.  Anxiety and depression are naturally reduced in this way and in this practice.  No one does it perfectly, but those who practice diligently tend to improve with it over time.

The image above that I have used for this blog is the fourth (number four of ten) of the Ten Ox Herding images in Zen practice.  It represents “you” having seen the need to tame these wandering thoughts—the mind (the Ox) that distract you from the present moment, and having a lead (or rope) on it, about to sit down and begin the work of taming this mind (the Ox).  Not controlling it, not abusing it as we abuse real ox and other animals, not torturing it and demanding its submission, not shaming or praising it, but taming it.

The image above of the Ox is a “place-holder” representing something else, just like words represent things but aren't really the things.  It is not your enemy or friend.  It isn’t good or bad.  There is nothing right or wrong in it.  It’s a symbolic representation of your relationship with reality.  It’s a tool, just like language is.  It’s about the journey back home where reality still exists and thoughts are tamed so they no longer drag you off into the woods of the past where depressive feelings can follow, and they no longer drag you off into the woods of the future where anxious feelings can follow.  Instead, you train your mind (the Ox) to stay in the present (i.e., taming the Ox to stay near).  This takes time.  Patience.  Diligence.  Practice.  Focus.  Repetition.  And when I say it takes “Faith” I mean, it takes a belief in this process (not necessarily in a god, goddess or entity) and that it is worth sticking with it.

Start meditation by simply focusing on the counting of the breath.  Focus on the breath with every ounce of your awareness.  Count "one" breathing in.  "Two" breathing out.  "Three" breathing in, and so-on, up to "ten", and then begin again.  

As you notice the mind wander here and there (like the Ox wandering off into the woods), just give a tug on the rope and pull it back to the present.  Start all over no matter where you were at.  Be kind and compassionate to the Ox!  "One" breathing in, and "two" breathing out, and so on.  Try to keep your awareness only on the breath, the counting of the breath, and returning to the breath over and over.

"Anxiety, the illness of our times, 

    comes primarily from our inability 

        to live in the present moment"

                ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Awareness: Looking Anxiety in the Face

In the practice of meditation one of the main "goals"--if we can call it a goal--is to learn to maintain an increasing sense of awareness.  The little secret is that awareness (reality) is always there.  We just aren't always aware that we are aware of it.  Instead, we are distracted by things like anxiety, fear, anger, and many other things, such as thoughts that float around obstructing our view of awareness.  It is said that in meditation you eventually become aware of reality rather than it being something you are striving for.  In other words, the more you meditate and perfect your awareness of reality, the more it appears to you.

When it comes to anxiety, we have to work at recognizing that it is like an object in the sky that catches our attention and begins to distract us from seeing things as they really are.  We can think of reality as the sky and when we look up into that sky, sometimes there are things that are "in" that sky that catch our attention, and we see these things just the way we might see clouds in the sky, and if you are like me, you can look at clouds and begin to get a little distracted by them.  That one looks like a dragon and maybe that one looks like the unfolding of a tornado, and maybe another looks like it could be heavy with rain.  Pretty soon... all you can see is the clouds (anxiety) and not reality (the sky) itself.

So with anxiety (as with many other of life's unnecessary distractions) we need to see these things for what they really are, and this should be done with as little to no judgment as is possible.  In other words, if you so happen to actually "notice" that you are anxious, try to notice without all the judgment that can follow, such as "what is wrong with me?", or "I should be better at this and not be so anxious." 

The way we get better and better at being aware is through meditative practice, and that can be done no matter if we are in seated meditation, walking meditation, moving meditation, or any activity at all  really.  For instance, try this little exercise: As you read these words that are a part of this paragraph, try to notice each and every time you see the letter "e".  Just read along, and then each time you see the letter "e", just notice it briefly.  So here you are, reading this paragraph, and suddenly the entire paragraph becomes something much more prominent before you.  Every word is now a central focus as you pay particular attention to catching each and every "e".  And we can do the same thing in everyday life if we just add in practices that help us learn to stay more present.

In her life's work, Charlotte Joko Beck worked to help people notice these things in their everyday life which were escaping notice due to distraction.  She wrote a book, Everyday Zen, in which she simplifies the entire Zen meditation process by clarifying that though it's not easy to accomplish, the main idea behind meditation and present-moment practices, is to become "present" in "every moment".

Before we end, take the time to meditate on the wonderful photo image presented with this blog entry.  It was created by Jeremy Gromoski and if you just come into the present long enough, you will notice something very interesting about what you see.  Some things can look very real, when they are not.  Just like our anxiety can.  But when we look anxiety directly in the face, most often we will find that it's an illusion created by our brain to convince us that some situation is life-threateningly dangerous, when it is not.

It's very important that we practice seeing things as they really are.  The sky is always there, and yes, the clouds float in and out.  They shape-shift.  Appear and disappear.  But reality is always there, waiting for us to notice it.

Thanks to Jeremy Gromoski for his excellent photo image, Illusion.                                                           https://www.flickr.com/photos/darkshadow54104/                                                                                    https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Creativity: The Stress Reduction Solution

As the COVID situation drags on here in America, stress levels remain high, as does depression and discouragement.  But one thing human beings have that perhaps other species do not is the power of creativity.  And during this time of isolation, quarantine, work-from-home, unemployment, and illness, it's important to use that power of creativity--more than ever before--to make your world something you can live with and thrive in.

Over the years our society has become adapted to high levels of entertainment.  From the constant availability of our phones and computers, to the endless ongoing events such as concerts, nightclubs, plays, and movies.  Local community guides have typically always had things to go do and give a try, and there has rarely been even the rainiest day that we cannot find something to keep us busy.  But COVID is challenging us to come up with many of these things on our own now.  Concerts and restaurants are closed, and even if one does find an event going on, it's not quite the same with the need to wear a mask and keep a distance of at least six feet, which changes the experience of most things entirely.

So now is the time to use the creativity that comes with this unique larger brain we are so proud of.  Let's not let its propensity of survival (i.e., to think of the worst-case-scenario in order to survive) bring us to our knees with discouragement.  In fact, in this age of modern technology--which is guaranteed to keep us distracted until the extinction of our species--this is the greatest opportunity we could ever imagine of getting a shot at learning to do something other than what we've been repetitively and ceaselessly doing every day for years.

Our stress comes from wanting things to be other than what they really are.  And right now, many things are changed.  And for many of those changed things, it does not look promising that things are going to go back to the way they were.  So continuing to want them to return to the way they were only causes suffering.

Instead, it's important to move on.  Let go of what was prior to COVID arriving, and begin to get creative now about the present and how it will shape the future.  Stress levels will only rise by  hanging on to a dead corpse, but stress levels can fall with acceptance of reality, which removes the oppressive feelings brought on by a refusal to let go of the way things once were.  COVID has changed the world and it's important to lift our heads from the steady focus we've had them on just to get through it, and now look up and look around us to see this changed world.

For instance, the world of work has just changed for good.   When COVID is long gone, this change will still remain.  It's possible we've just now entered an entirely different world of work-from-home that will alter everything from the commercial office industry to traffic statistics.  A large percentage of jobs may be changed now forever, and if we aren't going back, then we must adapt.  Change is hard and frustrating at first, but once the adaptation is made, forward momentum can pick up again.

So go ahead and mourn the loss of the way your life was before COVID.  It's important to mourn and get the feelings processed.  But then it's time to also process what the losses mean.  Yes, it's disappointing to not be able to get back to where we were before this all started, and most would admit they've held that desire in the back of their mind since it all began.  But the truth is, things are on a forward moving path and there is no going back.  It's time to decide now how you will create a new life for yourself in this continually changing situation. 

Stress levels remain high, but they can be lessened by tapping into the creativity of the human brain and coming up with new ways of functioning now regardless of if that is at home or work.  Don't wait for your favorite entertainment venue to reopen so you can once again be entertained.  Better is to be creative and think outside the box for safe and enjoyable things to do on your own.  Don't let giving up be the only option.  Adapt and thrive! 

Thanks to Don Miller for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

COVID-19: Psychological Defensive Driving & Anxiety

When you first learn to drive, it's inevitable that somewhere along the line someone will talk to you about the importance of defensive driving.  These driving techniques can save your life and drastically reduce your chances of injury or death.  Sadly, that they exist at all is admittance that there are some really bad drivers out there, not to mention bad conditions and situations that can't be avoided.  It's an educational way of saying, "Watch out, out there!"

We can draw analogies to these same techniques with the COVID pandemic in America, and the new pressure to "return to normal" life, while getting back to work, and returning to our shopping, dining out, and socializing with others.

Yet, there is a lot of anxiety being raised with the early push to try to get the economy back up and running, and the convincing of a society that they can resume life as it was.  Of course--as is the usual pattern these days in America--it has created yet another bipolar, bipartisan, and marital-bickering among the already polarized society dwelling in the land of the free.  Why our beloved country seems paralyzed to the ability of polite compromise anymore is a mystery to write about on another day.

Never-the-less, the drive to get folks back to the workplace and into the stores--but mostly to serving their dutiful chores of spending money and supporting the establishment--has come nearly at the barrel of a symbolic gun representing our right to bear arms, and this return to what many think will be what it was before, will require a lot of psychological and emotional defensive driving on our part.

In the same way that it would typically be a waste of time, energy and attention to argue about whether someone is a good or bad driver, you would just as equally better spend your time learning to drive defensively to protect yourself (and your loved ones) from those who might be more careless in their skills and attention to the road.

And yes, the same holds true now for the manner in which we are being pressured to return for our first trial run at resuscitating our coveted-capitalistic-society, which has become part of American's sense of identity to the point that, to kill the society is to kill those who have become identified with it.  So you won't be able to hold Americans indoors for long, because in fighting for their right to be free, functioning, profit-making citizens, they need to have full reign.  That's why behavioral and psychological defensive driving is very important right now in a society hell-bent on flexing its muscle in the face of COVID-19.

So how do we utilize defensive driving techniques to help us cope with and reduce our stress and anxiety when it comes to the dropping of the first-wave of stay-at-home orders in America?    Let's take a look: 

1)  Plan ahead for the unexpected:  This means we need to think before we leave the house.  Make sure you don't leave without your mask, sanitizer, and patience because things aren't moving that fast our there right now.  Prepare in advance to have what you need to personally feel safer in a society that is trying to get back up to full speed.  Some feel safer wearing gloves and taking their own water, food and utensils, etc.  If you are thinking you can go about without a mask, you might find that you can't get into some of your favorite places anymore.  So just take it and be ready to wear it.

2)  Be prepared to react to others:  This means that you need to be ready to move out of the way if someone steps closer than 6 feet inside your personal circle right now.  Many people will be eager to get right back to the way things once were and will unintentionally step or breathe in your space.

3)  Don't make assumptions about what others "should" do:  This means that you can't just assume everyone will be courteous and stand back, cover their face, wear gloves, not cough or sneeze in your direction, etc.  So when they do, don't come undone or make a scene.  Just do what you need to do to step back and take care of your safety the same way you'd hold back a bit when seeing a reckless driver.  In addition, don't assume everyone should just drop their masks in the trash and return to pre-COVID-19 behavior.  Many of the elderly people interviewed who had survived the 1918 pandemic of the Spanish flu told interviewers that it took two to three years for people to trust again, to be able to not tense up if someone was coughing or sneezing, and to be fully able to be out in society again as they had been before the pandemic.

4)  Respect others along the way:  Respecting that others have views different from your own is very important, and is just being courteous and kind.  For one thing, it's just not cool to laugh at others or make fun of them.  So if you chose to not wear a mask and see someone who is, just smile and move on.  It's like changing the channel on the TV when you don't like what you see.  Move on!  Respect that others feel, believe, and think differently and carry on.  You don't have to be mean and bully others.  And for goodness sakes!  Put the guns away.  We're all in this together!  The art of debate still exists, so there is no need for aggression or intimidation.  Everyone knows you have the right to carry, but you don't have to scare kids by showing you have one!

5)  Be aware of special conditions:  Make sure you leave room in your emotional bank for rare situations that don't represent groups as a whole.  With defensive driving this is the sudden pothole that hammers your shock absorbers and nearly rips your bumper off with the blow.  Or a hail storm that comes upon you and other drivers out of nowhere.  For our return to society, just open your mind to knowing that stuff you didn't expect WILL happen, so just chill out when it does and keep steady to the course.  Everyone is trying to cope the best they can so as long as it's not harming you or others, try to be patient.

6)  Stay alert and avoid distractions:  This means that just because you are prepared, doesn't mean that everyone else is.  If you take your eye off the road, you might run into something, and the same is true for returning to a society coping with COVID-19.  Look ahead to see if someone is entering your personal space or if a cashier has not wiped down a self check-out register when it's your turn to use it.  Be ready for someone to forget that we are using safe practices of social distancing and be ready to speak up if you need to, but be respectful.  You might forget as well, so stay alert! 

7)  Control your speed:  This means that there are many in the country who are definitely ready NOW to return life to "normal".  But the news is that we are never going back to the normal we had before COVID-19.  Everyone is entering or re-entering (or choosing not to enter) society at their own pace.  Don't let yourself be pressured into going before you are ready and have the things you need to produce the least amount of anxiety.  If you are ready now, don't forget to go with caution.  You seriously don't want to catch this illness!  Getting back out there doesn't mean you don't need to take care of your safety, health and life, or be careless with the safety, health and lives of others.  

Don’t forget to practice safe psychological driving folk.  Be kind and courteous to each other, and use defensive psychological driving if you must drive at all.

Thanks to siddharthav for the great photo

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

COVID-19: Normalizing Feelings (Extra April Blog)

April 2020  EXTRA COVID BLOG

I know a lot of people have lost their jobs recently in a short amount of time.  Many can’t afford to see a counselor right now, so I want to share what you might find psychologically helpful, without stepping into a therapist's office.

As a counselor I know the importance of normalizing situations for clients.  In other words, helping them see how what they are going through is similar when compared to, or sized up to, what others in a similar situation are going through.  So let me tell you the key themes I’ve noticed while offering online counseling, during the first 4 weeks of the COVID situation.

Week #1:  If you felt like you were being pushed rapidly by a wave of energy that was demanding of you to go home, work from there, and figure out how to make that just “happen” nearly overnight, you were not alone.  Many people went through waves of awareness and denial while trying to sort out if the situation was serious enough to even warrant a plan to work from home.  As one business and school after another closed, most people began to realize--this is real.  For others it meant that work just ended, income was stopped, and the future was a sudden blank slate--empty of information.

Week #2:  During the second week of COVID if you were feeling angry and frustrated that you had no choice but to work from home, be laid off, or cope with a situation you could not control--you were in the norm.  It’s like when you go through the grief process and get through your shock and denial, and then comes the anger.  Many people were mad that their lives had been disrupted and they had no choice but to stay home, go without pay for many, and live a much more limited life.  Favorite places were closed, familiar items were no longer available, and needed items were vanishing from the shelves too fast.  So if you were grumpy on week two, you were pretty much in the norm.

Week #3:  A lot of depression and anxiety set in during week #3 as folks began to wonder, “how long is this going to last” and, “when will we be getting back to normal”.  I think people were trying their best to endure and hold out in hopes this whole thing would be over soon.  But realizing that it was only getting worse led to a lot of anxiety about what is to come (the unknown) and depression about what’s been lost, changed, or place outside of everyone’s control.

Week #4:  This week it was clear that folks have been starting to feel suffocated and closed in upon by those they are living with, and are now forced to be around much more than before the stay-at-home orders and social distancing set in.  If you are feeling this, you are having pretty normal feelings as this seems to be what’s happening in many households right now.  So no, you’re not "losing it".  Those around you are feeling the same thing.

I know a lot of people are afraid and fearful after losing jobs and possibly income.  And since I know not everyone can afford psychotherapy right now, I’d like to share with you what you might already know from your own experiences of these first 4 weeks of COVID-19.  If it helps you in any distant way--via this writing--to gain some free counseling information, here it is:

On week one I recommended that people create a structured schedule for themselves that included exercise, bathing, brushing their teeth, walking, house cleaning, laundry, and time away from those they live with.  Week two I encouraged folks to find new outlets for their emotions because the kinds of things they used to do to release tension are in many cases no longer available right now, such as fitness centers, bars, restaurants, and shops they once visited.  On week three I focused on mindfulness practices to help clients bring the mind back to the present instead of focusing on the “what-if” thinking about the future, and catastrophic thinking that leads to anxiety symptoms, or the could-of, would-of, should-of thinking that focuses on the past and leads to symptoms of depression.  This week (week 4), I focused on normalizing as it is common to believe that when you are in some difficult and unfamiliar or unpredictable situation or emotions, that you are somehow outside the norm.  (i.e., “losing it”, or “crazy”), etc.  Nope!  It’s pretty normal right now to be feeling cooped up, suffocated by loved ones, a little irritable about the demands of others, and that you could just used a little space.

Since COVID-19 is a new situation, we don’t have much to compare it to that can tell us what week 5 will be like.  For most, each of the prior week’s emotions and feelings has been unfolding as time creeps on.  But I can tell you what I’m beginning to see little hints of, and that is the incredible creative spirit of the human being.  In my area, Denver, people have begun going outside and “howling” at 8pm to acknowledge all the efforts being put in by everyone, including nurses, MD’s, volunteers, those who still have to work, and those who are struggling with sudden unemployment.  My own personal interpretation of the howl is that I hear it as a “don’t give up” trumpet in the early evening, a “we see you and are with you” message that we can all get through this.  It has in it a “we’re all in this together” and “you are not in this alone” message that is that part of the human being that we’ve all been hoping is still there.  That creative, kind, and loving part of the human being that has in it the ability to stretch and think outside oneself about a greater cause.

Don’t be mad that your fellow citizens bought up all of the toilet paper.  They were just scared and all of us had an expression of fear in some way or another over the last 4 weeks, be it buying toilet paper, or stocking up on sanitizer and meat.  What’s important now is that we flow with the creative human spirit that is surfacing, which will (and can) show us the way out of this.  If we didn’t have a collective human sense of self-esteem, we’d of never been able to come together and do what we need to do now to save as many of us from death as possible.  If you ever lost hope about whether we humans can come together to save our planet, look at this COVID situation to cheer yourself up.  As you can see, we are capable of coming together if we try.  The last four weeks have shown us that we are capable of such unification.

Thanks to Sawtooth for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

COVID-19: Perseverance and Stress

If you are treading water right now just to keep your head above water, you are not alone.  All across America, people are struggling to regain their balance from the foundational shake that COVID-19 has brought to the country.  What's the most important thing to keep at the forefront of your mind during this crisis?  It is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not give up!  Perseverance is important not only because giving up won't solve, or even help a problem, but it's also important because you won't find out how strong you really are if you give up.

We frequently hear about the importance of resilience as a trait that helps people bounce back from trauma or hardship.  But what about the skill of endurance?  Endurance is when we demonstrate the ability to sustain a difficult situation for a prolonged period of time.  And that is what COVID-19 is asking of us all.  That is--enduring quarantines, and showing the staying power we find within ourselves to withstand Stay-at-Home orders whenever they are put in place.

Endurance also has a lot of determination and consistency in it.  With COVID-19 we are repeatedly asked to show consistent behavior of change when it comes to not touching our face, and washing our hands, or not shaking hands, and keeping a six foot distance from those around us.  But the virus situation has also lead to economic scare and financial fears, anxieties and insecurities that will also require staying power.  You might be about to discover how much you can live without and it's very important that you face these challenges to the best of your ability.

One thing that keeps us from finding our inner sense of endurance and staying power is Catastrophic Thinking.  In this kind of faulty thinking we not only imagine the worst case scenario (something life-threateningly dangerous), but we also add to that imagined scenario the belief that we would never be able to handle the worst case scenario.  "I'd lose my job and income, and then I'd not be able to support my family, and then I'd lose the house, and then we'd have to move to a smaller place", and so the line of continuous downward spiraling thoughts go.

What's not considered in this kind of thinking is the idea that even if things got that bad, you might discover (with staying power and determination) that you actually could survive these difficult situations.  They would not be pleasant or enjoyable, and of course, no one wants them to happen.  But if they did happen, consider the idea that you could survive them.  You still have all your fingers and toes after job loss, and you can still live and breathe in a smaller living area, and you could live on less, and so on.

Marathon runners know all about endurance, but so do those who are oppressed.  The runners literally know how to keep putting one foot in front of the other and the oppressed have no choice but to put one tired and frustrated, psychological and emotional foot in front of the other.  Both teach us that giving up is not only unwise, but also not necessary.  You can survive this difficult time, through all of its anxieties and hardships.  And in doing so you will discover a side of yourself that you never knew was there all along.  If your anxiety is taking hold and fear is setting into your bones--be it about illness or poverty--, challenge your Catastrophic Thinking right now and put a stop to allowing hopelessness to take root.  You are so much more than you think you are, and capable of twice as much.

Thanks to Gabriel S. Delgado C. for the dynamic photo.
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Getting our Priorities Straight: The Difference between Will and Willing

What does it mean to "have our priorities straight"?

The question basically asks each of us to look a little closer at what we are actually "doing" compared to what we are "saying".  If we place our health as one of the top priorities in our life, do our actions really reflect this?  Or are we spending our time eating poorly and sitting sedentary?

If we place our education or career-building at the top of the priority list, are we actually "doing" the things we need to do to make it happen?  Or are we spending our time on other things?

Not reflecting on our priorities can lead to neglect of some of the most precious things in our lives.  From loved ones to our everyday sense of peace.  That's why it's important to get our priorities straight and know what matters to us so we can make sure to carve out what limited time we each have on this planet, to make life what we want it to be.

If your stress reduction is of top priority to you, then it's important to get it at the top of your priority list--fast.  That means not just reading about the many great techniques out there for slowing down the breath, heart rate, and lowering blood pressure, but it also means the "actual doing".  Building the time into your schedule to learn things like meditation, sitting still, going for slow walks to synchronize your breath, taking a yoga class, and so on.  Talk is cheap, they say.  And they (whomever they are)  are right.  Doing...is the key.

So let's look at the difference between "will" and "willing".  If I am sitting in my chair and "willing" to get up out of it and go do something, I could be "willing" for years!  Sitting in a state of being "willing" to do something is not "doing".  I'm willing to do my laundry and housework right now, but that doesn't mean it's happening.  Yet.

So, moving our "willingness" to the next level is what "will" is all about.  "Will" is moving our desire to do something to the level of action, and therefore "do" the act, not just think about it.  Sometimes there is only one thing left to do... and that is the "doing".

Making your priority list is not the hard part.  Each of us seems to have a general idea of what we need to do and want to do to change our lives in the way we desire.  It's the "doing" that needs to happen next.  So you know what that means.  It means it's time to get going now.  No more reading about it.  No more asking about it.  No more talking about it.

Top priority!  You have an appointment with your top priority list.  What will you "do" next?

Thanks to Macro Verch professional photographer for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

The Relaxing Quality of Nature

As the world continues to advance and turn to technology to function, the human beings that create the technology search for ways to get back to nature and unplug whenever possible.  The goal is to not get bogged down in the gadgets that were initially meant to make life simpler, but that have instead, created a faster and more demanding world.

No matter how much technology has helped humans to simplify their lives, it has also reminded them that humans are still a part of nature, and also a part of all of the other living beings on this planet that move and function with the forces of nature.

In other words, humans are not the machines they create!  A human being continues to move with the seasons and the natural rise and set of the sun.  Humans need sleep, sunshine, and enough relaxation to renew the changing human body that works tirelessly sometimes to meet its needs.  That's why it's important for human beings to get back out and into nature whenever possible.

There is no debate that it's not natural for the human body to sit at a computer all day.  It's not even natural for it to sit at a desk all day.  For example, it's not natural for the human eyes to focus on an office wall or computer screen all day that is only inches or feet away.  The human eye is meant to look close and far, and sometimes within the same task, such as looking at the mountain tops in the distance and then at the flowers at one's feet.  It's important to step away from your desk now and then and aim your eyes at a distant target such as the horizon or distant landscape.

The human body begins to become unstable when it doesn't walk enough or stand enough or move enough.  And the various senses that the human body uses, need to be exercised frequently in order to stay sharp and function well.  Human instincts can't be sharp if they are not used for anything more than scrolling up and down a computer screen, or for typing.

When looking at what the various culprits are that contribute to your stress, measure the list of items that put demand on your body in the way we might put demand on a machine.  Machines are expected to function non-stop, repeatedly, and many times as fast as they can possibly function.  But human beings can't function that way for long.  Think of getting out and into nature as a way to recalibrate your body and instincts so as to help you remember you are human, and not a machine.

Thanks to Elisa Bracco for the wonderful photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Relaxation and the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO)

We've all heard of the term FOMO, meaning "Fear of Missing Out", but not everyone has heard of the term JOMO, the "Joy of Missing Out".

FOMO is the idea that whatever others have, or are doing, is somehow better than what you have, or are doing (even if it's not really true), and that you are somehow missing out on something.

FOMO tends to lead many of us to try to live life to its fullest and take in all we can--while we can.  But eventually choosing one activity, piece of information, or item means we are NOT choosing all of the other possibilities.  Trying to choose everything doesn't really work and trying to say "yes" to all options can eventually wear a person down.  It can lead to overloaded schedules, overwhelming amounts of information, and eventual burnout.

Where one individual may feel compelled to photograph proof of all the activities they have actually participated in, others may view the posted photos from social media with a gnawing belief that they must be missing out on something.  This ongoing frustration causes a sense of unease and internal pressure to constantly be on the go, while paralyzed by the indecisiveness of having too many options.

JOMO is the realization that sometimes it's perfectly fine to miss out on stuff other people are doing.  Sometimes it's okay to just unplug, unwind, and relax from the attentive, ongoing comparisons with others and what they are up to.  You don't have to unplug all the time, but taking breaks in order to appreciate the Joy of Missing Out, can be good for your mental health and psychological well being.

Sometimes we need to go offline, or say no to an activity we don't want to do, for which we might otherwise say yes to.  We don't always have to be at the bar, party, social gathering, game, concert, etc.  It's okay to read a book, have a quiet conversation with a friend, soak in the tub, or just listening to some music.

The bottom line is to make the best use of your time and try to reduce your comparison shopping among the many activities available in the world.  The Joy of Missing Out means you don't have to be a part of every gathering, event, or activity.  You don't have to have every piece of information, or be a part of every forum, email list, or social gathering.  Finding the joy in missing out means finding the peace and relaxation of choosing a slower pace now and then that isn't about comparisons or missing out.

Thanks to Ron Mader for the great image
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Relaxation and the Power of Beliefs

The human being has a tremendous capacity to be influenced--and to influence--depending on beliefs.  What one believes will have direct bearing on what that individual does, says, teaches, and acts upon.  That's why what we believe needs to be filtered through some sort of reality check that has its finger on the pulse of fact, and at least on the notion of care for all life on earth.

What you believe is what becomes real to you and history has shown that the human being is flawed in its ability to always know what is real, or what is good for it and for human kind.  That's why it's very important to take frequent reality checks into your belief systems to determine what is superstition and what is faulty thinking--what is real and what is yet to be determined?  All will influence the outcome of your life, level of stress, and anxiety.  In addition, it can't be done in a vacuum.  Meaning, you must step outside of your circle, family, group, religion, friends, neighborhood,  and yes--your beliefs, in order to look around a little bit (visually, psychologically, mentally, emotionally) and see what's really going on.

It's always easy for most of us to observe the delusional quality of a cult-like group and its mesmerized members, but much harder for us to see when we ourselves are submerged in such a similar mentality.  Think of elections and your devotion to your political party.  Or your home team.  Or how blinders can come on when a member of your own circle (i.e., family, friend, community) has done something wrong.  Group think has been studied at length and proves that the human mind can be swayed, convinced, and moved to believe things that are not good for it or for others, and that may not even true.

These points are also true when it comes to the reasons that your body becomes anxious and tense.  In most cases, it's based on what you are believing at the present moment.  If you are truly in danger and your body is truly reacting to that danger, then there is no malfunction (i.e., what you believe and what you feel are real).  But when your thinking is faulty, the reaction can be faulty as well.  So anxiety and tension can frequently be attributed to false beliefs about danger that only exists in one's mind, but not in reality.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, people are challenged to take another look at their beliefs.  There are plenty of identified faulty thinking styles that are common with we humans.  Check out the list here and see if you can identify the ones you use the most.  We can't always know things conclusively, but we can work to dispute false beliefs, and search for evidence that those things we believe actually have some foundation to stand on.  It takes practice and time, so be patient with yourself.  We all have faulty thinking of some kind.  The goal is to clear up the fuzzy view the best you can in order to clear up anxiety symptoms that are happening for no realistic reason.

Faulty Thinking Styles:

Mental Filtering
Black and White Thinking
Overgeneralizing
Jumping to Conclusions
Catastrophizing
Personalizing
Control Fallacy
Fallacy of Fairness
Blaming
Shoulds
Emotional Reasoning
Fallacy of Change
Global Labeling
Always Being Right
Heaven's Reward Fallacy

You can find a free printable copy of these at the following link:
PsychCentral

Thanks to Charlie Sedanayasa for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Peace of Mind

What does it really mean to "find peace"?  By definition, peace means a state of quiet tranquility where there are no disturbances, no war, no aggression, and no conflict or hostility.  It's a place of harmony or perhaps a time of calm contentment.

When we are seeking peace we might be looking for a quiet place or gentle environment.  Maybe a break from noise and human congestion.  Peace can be that small coffee shop where not a lot of people go, or it can be your own home library or patio get away where water fountains gently trickle and birds click away in the trees.

Finding peace within the mind, however, is a little tougher and requires training ourselves to stay in the present rather than allowing the mind to wandering off into worry, rumination, or dwelling on regrets about the past.  By the same definition, peace of mind also seeks to find a place of quiet mental tranquility where we are not disturbed by our noisy or aggressive thoughts.  Finding a cognitive place of harmony and calm contentment means staying mindful of what is happening right at this moment.

One method for finding a mindful place of peace is to focus on the senses.  Noticing in this present moment what it is you feel, smell, hear, taste, and see can help to keep your mind from wandering off into the noise and disturbance of thoughts about the past and worries about the future that take you away from this very moment.

Focusing on the senses in the present moment can bring you to full awareness of the meal you are eating, the music you are listening to, the feel of the temperature in the room, the beauty of your surroundings, or the aroma of everything in front of you, be it a cup of coffee or a beautiful flower.

When the mind is trained to stay present it is at a higher state of peace than when it is untrained and living in the past or the future.  A mind that is dwelling on the past, where it lives out the hour or day ruminating about how things "should" have been, or "could" have been, is a mind at war with itself.  And a mind living in the future, where it dwells on the "what ifs" and contemplates the catastrophes that may come, is a mind that can never rest due to that jackhammer noise called "worry".

Peace, and better yet... Peace of Mind, is a quiet and tranquil place, free of unwanted and disturbing thoughts.  It's a place of harmony and calm contentment, in the mind.  You have no greater task in this lifetime than to bring your mind to a place of peace, and there is no greater peace than being fully present in this very moment.

Thanks to Ray MacLean for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/