I know a lot of people have lost their jobs recently in a short amount of time. Many
can’t afford to see a counselor right now, so I want to share what you might find psychologically helpful, without stepping into
a therapist's office.
As a counselor I know the importance of normalizing
situations for clients. In other words,
helping them see how what they are going through is similar when compared to, or
sized up to, what others in a similar situation are going through. So let me tell you the key themes I’ve
noticed while offering online counseling, during the first 4 weeks of the COVID
situation.
Week #1: If you felt
like you were being pushed rapidly by a wave of energy that was demanding of
you to go home, work from there, and figure out how to make that just “happen”
nearly overnight, you were not alone. Many
people went through waves of awareness and denial while trying to sort out if
the situation was serious enough to even warrant a plan to work from home. As one business and school after another closed,
most people began to realize--this is real.
For others it meant that work just ended, income was stopped, and the
future was a sudden blank slate--empty of information.
Week #2: During the
second week of COVID if you were feeling angry and frustrated that you had no
choice but to work from home, be laid off, or cope with a situation you could
not control--you were in the norm. It’s
like when you go through the grief process and get through your shock and
denial, and then comes the anger. Many
people were mad that their lives had been disrupted and they had no choice but
to stay home, go without pay for many, and live a much more limited life. Favorite places were closed, familiar items
were no longer available, and needed items were vanishing from the shelves too
fast. So if you were grumpy on week two,
you were pretty much in the norm.
Week #3: A lot of depression
and anxiety set in during week #3 as folks began to wonder, “how long is this
going to last” and, “when will we be getting back to normal”. I think people were trying their best to
endure and hold out in hopes this whole thing would be over soon. But realizing that it was only getting worse
led to a lot of anxiety about what is to come (the unknown) and depression
about what’s been lost, changed, or place outside of everyone’s control.
Week #4: This week it
was clear that folks have been starting to feel suffocated and closed in upon
by those they are living with, and are now forced to be around much more than
before the stay-at-home orders and social distancing set in. If you are feeling this, you are having
pretty normal feelings as this seems to be what’s happening in many households
right now. So no, you’re not "losing
it". Those around you are feeling the
same thing.
I know a lot of people are afraid and fearful after losing
jobs and possibly income. And since I know
not everyone can afford psychotherapy right now, I’d like to share with you
what you might already know from your own experiences of these first 4 weeks of
COVID-19. If it helps you in any distant
way--via this writing--to gain some free counseling information, here it is:
On week one I recommended that people create a structured
schedule for themselves that included exercise, bathing, brushing their teeth,
walking, house cleaning, laundry, and time away from those they live with. Week two I encouraged folks to find new
outlets for their emotions because the kinds of things they used to do to
release tension are in many cases no longer available right now, such as fitness
centers, bars, restaurants, and shops they once visited. On week three I focused on mindfulness
practices to help clients bring the mind back to the present instead of
focusing on the “what-if” thinking about the future, and catastrophic thinking
that leads to anxiety symptoms, or the could-of, would-of, should-of thinking
that focuses on the past and leads to symptoms of depression. This week (week 4), I focused on normalizing as it is
common to believe that when you are in some difficult and unfamiliar or
unpredictable situation or emotions, that you are somehow outside the norm. (i.e., “losing it”, or “crazy”), etc. Nope!
It’s pretty normal right now to be feeling cooped up, suffocated by
loved ones, a little irritable about the demands of others, and that you could just used a little space.
Since COVID-19 is a new situation, we don’t have much to
compare it to that can tell us what week 5 will be like. For most, each of the prior week’s emotions
and feelings has been unfolding as time creeps on. But I can tell you what I’m beginning to see
little hints of, and that is the incredible creative spirit of the human
being. In my area, Denver, people have
begun going outside and “howling” at 8pm to acknowledge all the efforts being
put in by everyone, including nurses, MD’s, volunteers, those who still have to
work, and those who are struggling with sudden unemployment. My own personal interpretation of the howl is
that I hear it as a “don’t give up” trumpet in the early evening, a “we see you
and are with you” message that we can all get through this. It has in it a “we’re all in this together”
and “you are not in this alone” message that is that part of the human being
that we’ve all been hoping is still there.
That creative, kind, and loving part of the human being that has in it the ability to stretch and think outside oneself about a greater cause.
Don’t be mad that your fellow citizens bought up all of the
toilet paper. They were just scared and
all of us had an expression of fear in some way or another over the last 4
weeks, be it buying toilet paper, or stocking up on sanitizer and meat. What’s important now is that we flow with the
creative human spirit that is surfacing, which will (and can) show us the way
out of this. If we didn’t have a
collective human sense of self-esteem, we’d of never been able to come together
and do what we need to do now to save as many of us from death as possible. If you ever lost hope about whether we humans
can come together to save our planet, look at this COVID situation to cheer
yourself up. As you can see, we are
capable of coming together if we try. The
last four weeks have shown us that we are capable of such unification.
Thanks to Sawtooth for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
