Falling Well: Finding your ability to Cope under pressure

Who are you when the going gets rough?  And are you prepared if life gets even rougher?  How will you handle it?  What will you discover about yourself?

We actually have no idea what version of ourselves we will discover in a given situation until we are actually in it.  Will we be brave?  Or run like hell?  And will we be able to tell if and when either one of those responses is or was the right one for us personally.

Catastrophic Thinking is one of the ways we walk ourselves right into a mental corner and become convinced that under certain circumstances we won't be able to cope with a given situation if it were to occur.  We say to ourselves, "I won't be able to handle it."  "That will be too much for me."  "I'm sure that would be the point of no return."  "I can't do it."

One method for countering this kind of thinking is to "decatastrophize" the situation by using a few thought experiments in which you walk a little farther into the situation in your mind and imagine that instead of being paralyzed into inaction, you find your way out.  In other words, rather than allowing your mind to just shut down at the thought of imagining the worse-case scenario, to instead visualize seeing yourself handling the situation to the best of your ability.  Even if it means hardship.

With Catastrophic Thinking we tend to overestimate danger, and underestimate our ability to cope with it.  For instance, as we age we might become fearful of falling.  This can lead to an overestimation of how bad a fall would be, how much damage might come from such a fall, and an underestimation of our ability to handle both the fall and any injuries that might come from the fall.  But a thought experiment, including information about the ways athletes fall and martial artists learn to roll or prevent injury during falls, can give us material to come back to our thinking and imagine a way in which we might cope much better during a fall than we ever imagined.  The Catastrophic thought can be decatastrophized and you create a way in your mind's-eye to see yourself "falling well".  And not only falling well, but recovering from any fall injury, well.

Decatastrophizing includes avoiding the overestimation of danger by looking at our fears more realistically.  This can be used in any number of situations in life where we can reinterpret the situation and see a more realistic view with possibilities and better outcomes.  It also means a more realistic look at our ability to cope in life, based on our history, skills, advanced reasoning, and a better estimation of our ability to stay in the game and cope well in many situations.

Take a look at your most frequent recurring fears and ask yourself if you are overestimating the danger and underestimating your ability to cope.  Rather than continuing to fall into the Catastrophic trap of believing you cannot ever allow bad things to happen because you wouldn't be able to handle it, try on the thought experiment of decatastrophizing the situation in your mind.  It makes all of the difference in the world between becoming paralyzed with fear, and pushing your comfort zone.  

You can read more about Catastrophic Thinking and Faulty Thinking Styles from my March, 2018 blog entry here

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do"     ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks to Lisa Ann Yount for the great image, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/deed.en

The Moving Mind: How we see the World

There is an interesting Zen story about two monks who are looking up at a flagpole. It goes something like this:  "Two monks spend two months looking up at a flagpole as part of their practice.  One says, "The flag is moving."  The other says, "The wind is moving."  They argue back and forth, unable to agree.  When the Zen master walks by, she says, "Neither the flag nor the wind is moving.  Your mind is moving."

There are many versions of this story, but the general interpretation, meaning or lesson is similar in all.  That we are so busy wanting to explain things and have a solid answer, and then defend that view or belief, that we actually miss the present moment and remain unable to see that it's the internal filter of our own minds that make our particular and personal reality what it is.  So attached to our own judgments, interpretations, opinions, views, and expectations, we miss what is really there, right now.  

Your mind is moving.

Where can we see these similar lessons in life?  Two people arguing over how to make the brownies.  Walnuts or no walnuts?  Both missing the reality of their moment together, alive and breathing. Or how about two owners of the same pet arguing over how to have the dog groomed.  Short or with design?  Both missing the potential of a co-created event, and instead miffed about the outcomes.  Then there is the local politics.  Two parties arguing over how to use the town funding.  Invest in local ponds or build a new shooting range?  Each sure of their stance and all missing the opportunity for real compromise in the present.  Finally, what about the warring countries?  Each defending their personal view, politics, or religion, and overlooking the destruction of bombs on an already dying and environmentally threatened planet they share.

It was the American Zen teacher, Joko Beck, author of Everyday Zen and Nothing Special, who wrote about how it is our minds that create suffering and separation, and she spoke at length about how we humans can be so cruel and harmful to one another since we all judge and react from that place of the moving mind.  That internal filter we are so attached to and so defensive of.  Not one of us is free of this human flaw.  But we can get a little better over time if we realize the Zen master was right.  "Your mind is moving".  It's not a good or bad thing.  It's just something to notice and pay attention to.

When it comes to things like depression or anxiety, even anger or resentment, we could say, don't blame the flag or the wind.  Look instead to your one moving mind.  What is it doing?  How is it hanging on to its own view, its own belief system, its own judgment about your depression or anxiety?  Look for the purest awareness of reality you can find.  We could argue at length about the causes of these as well as anger and resentment.  But what is real?  What is opinion?  What is belief?  What is actually happening?  Do you truly know?  You can theorize it's the traffic or your irritation with your spouse, but if you pause you can try one step further in looking with your purest mind's awareness and see that no matter the cause, your mind is having its say about it.

Sometimes we interpret situations as more dangerous than they really are.  This sends messages to the body that there is danger when there isn't and the body reacts.  Sometimes we see things happening in the world and tell ourselves, "It's all hopeless", when it isn't.  This sends messages to the body to give up, and it reacts.  We can look out at our country today and see the behavior of fellow citizens and we create a story in our head.  "It's the flag moving", or "It's the wind".  But don't forget what makes those views your own.  Your Mind is Moving

You can read more about mindsets and cognitive restructuring in one of my earlier blog entries from February 2020 here

"Anxiety is always a gap between the way things are and the way we think they ought to be"     Joko Beck

Thanks to Kitty Terwolbeck for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Holiday Stress and Spending Less

One of the most stressful things many of us encounter in life is that of financial worry.  The only things found to be more stressful are work and health issues.  According to economist Mark Zandi, as of August 2025, 22 US states were found to already be in a recession, and 13 others are almost in the same basket.  Which is why this month's post is about ways to really consider giving yourself a break financially this holiday season, and allow yourself to find ways to take the pressure off the annual push to spend more than necessary.

A familiar family traditions that aids the whole clan in spending less during the holidays is the drawing of names for buying gifts.  Yes, it's true, you won't get a pile of gifts to open, but everyone gets a nice gift while also only needing to buy one present for the individual whose name they drew.  No, it's not depressing and what a nice relief for everyone involved who can put the pocket book away or have a few dollars left to participate in giving in smaller ways elsewhere.

Which brings us to the next concept for saving money during the holidays, and that is asking family and guests to participate in providing the make-up of the holiday meal.  Creating a potluck out of it brings in a wide variety of dishes, gives everyone something more they can do after buying their one gift, and gives the host a break financially, while divvying up the work of putting on a holiday event so everyone can equally enjoy the festivities.

An additional money-saver is to consider staying local for the holidays.  Cutting out the expense of travel, be it by airline or car, can keep needed money in the bank for personal needs at home, such as the higher grocery costs right now and the need to preserve funds for any future expenses that might arise in the new year such as car repairs, unexpected home needs, or costs for the predicted rise in healthcare expenses coming in 2026.

Thrift stores are also a great place to find things that are of good quality, reusable, and interchangeable, meaning you can donate them back and buy again next year at reasonable prices, such as ornaments, artificial trees, electric lights, and gift cards.  But thrift stores these days hold so much more promise in that many nearly new items can be found that also make for great gifts for loved ones and friends, and help the environment by not participating in the constant need for materials for more products.

It's also helpful to not fall into the "must" or the "should" trap during the holidays in which you buy into false beliefs that everything must be perfect and no one should go without top-cost items.  The holidays have a lot of potential completely outside of money and purchases.

So, give yourself a break this year, and give those around you a break as well by simplifying things and reducing the financial pressure to break the bank and stretch the wallet beyond its means in an already strained economy.  Take a breath and let this year capture a simpler concept of the holiday season that doesn't leave you and those around you paying for it for months to come.

You can find another one my older blog entries about finding ways to reduce holiday stress here

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."     ~Oprah Winfrey

Thanks to David Geitgey Sierralupe for the great photo (cropped and reversed), https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Relapse Prevention: Stress and the Holidays

Did you know that Christmas Day is the busiest day for alcohol deliveries?  And another interesting fact, is that most people in the United States who drink alcohol tend to nearly double their use between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, leading to a 40% increase in sales for many liquor stores, and a 116% increase in alcohol-related auto fatalities on New Year's Eve.  It's also one of the toughest times of the year for those who are trying to recover from alcoholism and other substance abuse addictions, as they try to maintain their recovery and sobriety.

It would be too simple to say that it's just negative feelings and emotions, such as grief or loneliness, that lead to increased substance abuse during the holidays, as joyful celebrations and time spent with loved ones also lead to the same kinds of struggles and relapses.  But one thing that is common among all the various emotions that lead to relapse and abuse of substances is stress.  And as we all know, what is stressful for some is not stressful for all, but everyone has something they find stressful about the holidays.  Whether it's picking up relatives at the airport, or being the one trying to catch a flight in a snow storm.  So the demand for stress management is never quite as high as it is during the holidays.

The first step toward reducing the stress that can trigger your holiday relapse is to know your triggers.  For some people their trigger is lack of sleep, and for others it is being around certain people.  But knowing what usually sets off your emotions (positive or negative) in the direction of relapses is top on the list of relapse prevention strategies.

In addition, have an exit plan.  In other words, how will you avoid getting pulled in by your triggers?  When that certain relative does that certain thing that always sets you off (and you knew it was coming or only a matter of time), what is your plan going to be to not get pulled in?  Will you move to a different room, would stepping outside for a break do the trick, or could focusing on conversation with someone else be the key.

Also, knowing the key emotions to avoid or remedy can put you ahead of the curve when it comes to relapse prevention.  For instance, if loneliness is something that can tip you over the edge to seek out your substance of choice, then plan ahead to make sure you are with others who support you and your sobriety.

Most of all, planning ahead with a well-thought-out relapse prevention plan can be your best strategy and help you avoid mistakes and downfalls that can only deaden your momentum and progress. 

You can find a list of 14 tips for relapse prevention here, offered by the NAS (National Addictions Specialists). You can also find my prior blog entry from May of 2024 Relapse Prevention: Making Changes Now to Be Ready Later, which talks about how to build your relapse prevention plan, including a nice link to Psych Central's article on Relapse Prevention.

"I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgence.  Caring for myself is an act of survival."     ~Audre Lorde

Thanks to Julia 2006 for the great photo (cropped), https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

Reducing Anxiety and Stress with Assertiveness

It's just natural that wise plants will make attempts to stretch their roots and limbs to gather the things they need to survive, and humans will do the same.  No matter the things needed being the sun and water, or just a sense of peace and sustenance.  Living things want to thrive.

But just as a poorly laid out garden can oppress some plants and rob them of enough nutrients and humidity, so too our human-made systems can rob us of the things we need to grow.  That is why learning assertiveness skills is one of the most powerful ways to face symptoms of anxiety and stress, which are frequently the result of oppression. 

Assertiveness can be learned, practiced, and implemented through four areas:  What I think.  What I feel.  What I want.  What I need.  As you can see, each statement is an "I" statement, because a "you" statement only puts others on the defense.  This direct form of communication states how you see things, how you feel about the things you see, what your general goal or want is, and finally, asking for something you need from others in order to get that goal reached.  It doesn't mean that you will always get what you want, but it is the "action" of asserting for what you want and need.

Assertiveness falls at the center between "passive" and "aggressive".  So instead of staying silent about not getting a raise from your boss in a while, or turning aggressive toward your partner for some habit they continue to do, assertiveness falls in the middle ground where direct communication takes place, using I statements only, and making a good attempt at getting the things you need to thrive.

Though assertiveness falls on the "fight" side of the fight-or-flight response, it doesn't mean you are fighting.  But it does mean you are standing your ground as opposed to falling passive or fleeing a situation.  So yes, it may raise your anxiety level a bit as cortisol steroids will be pumped into your system a bit for any "fight" situation.  But the big difference is that assertiveness brings short-term stress to the body for the duration of the assertive action, whereas staying passive will lead to prolonged stress to your entire system, and aggression may have a temporary outburst but the stress trigger is never solved, so anger will come again and again.  In the long run, asserting oneself is very good for stress reduction and can solve many problems that lead to prolonged and chronic stress.

We can learn a lot from going out into nature and seeing how the plants thrive.  They know what sustenance they need and they strive to get those things.  They turn their leaves to the sun, they stretch toward water sources, they capture things in their limbs and pull in every element they can find that will help them thrive.  We are really no different.  Given that the oppressive systems around us are not so suffocating that they keep us even from our right to assert ourselves, we can strive for the things we want and need that will bring us a peaceful environment where everything in our life's-garden can grow.

For more info about stress reduction, you can find one of my prior blog entries about the relaxing quality of Nature here

"The greatest threat to our planet is the belief that someone else will save it"     ~Robert Swan

Thanks to Cecily Miller for the great photos,  https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Aroma Therapy: Stimulating the Brain to Alter the Mood

Psychotherapists have recommended Aroma Therapy for quite some time to clients who are looking for more things to add to their list of relaxation tools and exercises.  It is a way to intentionally alter mood by allowing various forms of scent to reach receptors in the nose where they then travel to an area of the brain that controls emotions.  That means that any aroma can trigger a mood, both positively and negatively.  So experimenting with aromas can help you learn which ones are most relaxing and positively stimulating for you, and which ones you should avoid.

Some specific aromas have been found to be very helpful for stress, including lavender, cedar, frankincense, and jasmine.  It's also known that certain smells will activate memory, such as thinking of the holiday season when smelling evergreen, or being reminded of Thanksgiving or Halloween when smelling pumpkin.  But not all aromas are interpreted the same by everyone, so developing your own preference is important and will take time, as well as trial and error.

When it comes to using Aroma Therapy to facilitate relaxation, there are also many safety factors to take into account, such as the method used to disperse the aroma into one's environment, as some methods are safer than others.  For instance, burning incense is a great way to deliver aroma into any given environment, both indoors and outdoors, but it's wisest to use plant-based incense and even better if you burn them outdoors to prevent poor ventilation and to reduce inhalation of any unhealthy particles.  In addition, stay alert when burning oils, incense, or potpourri, especially if you have any risk of falling asleep while relaxing to the enjoyment of these types of aromas.

The methods for Aroma Therapy are many, and include diffusers, incense, perfumes, bath oils, essential oils, and body lotions to name a few.  For some the simple smell of an open fire is relaxing, and for others it's the natural smells of things like the ocean, mountain pine trees, or the smell of rain.

You can find additional information about Aroma Therapy on my earlier blog entry from 2015 here 

"Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived"       ~Helen Keller

Thanks to jessicahtam for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Hot Springs in Colorado: Submerging in the Relaxation of the Rockies

When it comes to relaxation, soaking in natural hot springs is top on the list for enhancing wellness and stress reduction.  And there is no better state in the country than Colorado to find an abundance of these wonderful hot springs.  

Colorado has a long history of drawing the attention of those who seek out and enjoy some of the most unique and lovely mineral springs in the country.  We have Glenwood Springs just across the street from the historic Colorado Hotel, and the beautiful Pagosa Springs, which boasts of 52 soaking pools and cold plunges.

You can find many of the best hot springs Colorado has to offer by traveling the Colorado Hot Springs Loop, which is an 800-mile stretch of 23 different hot springs soaking locations.   Anywhere along the way you can rest your weary bones and rejuvenate your body and mind.

So why is it that soaking in some of these great water sources is so good for relaxing and healing the human body?  

Well, the hot springs contain minerals from the rocks they pass through and as long as the water is of tolerable temperature for the human body, it helps to relax muscles and tendons to promote healing.  

Use of hot springs all over the world traces back thousands of years and in our modern world it is a lucrative industry centering on tourism, rehabilitation clinics, and spas.

You can find my previous blog entry from 2018 about soaking in hot springs here, where I provide a list of 30 different Colorado Hot Springs you can try.

If you are unable to find a way to get to some of these great locations, then soaking in a hot bath at home is still worth its weight in gold.  You can find my prior blog entry from 2015 about the great benefits of soaking in a hot bath here.  

And don't forget to look around for one of many mineral products you can safely add to your bath water, which can bring some of the benefits of natural hot spring water right to your home.

"It's Hot Springs o'clock somewhere"