ASMR: A Relaxing Sensation for Reducing Stress and Anxiety

ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, is a very interesting relaxation phenomenon that existed long before it was named by Jennifer Allen, a cybersecurity professional who had experienced certain bodily sensations throughout her life and found people online talking about similar sensations.  So she got involved in the discussion, started a Facebook page and eventually came up with a name for the phenomenon, which is sometimes called "the tingles".

But be careful here, it's not sex, sexuality, or sexual arousal, yet it gets mixed up with that at times and was quickly headed towards terms like "brain orgasm", or "head orgasm" before Allen specifically selected the word "meridian" in the naming of it to clarify that there is a peak or "climax" of tingling sensation that should not be described as "orgasmic" because the word tends to insinuate a sexual climatic reference.  It is an automatic sensory feeling in the body, a tingling sensation, that frequently begins at the back or top of the head and spreads down across the shoulders and for some, throughout the body.

Okay, that clarified.  Let's look at how ASMR helps many to relax, fall asleep, wind down from the day, or otherwise reduce stress and anxiety.

ASMR is a pleasant, often tingly or relaxing sensation that some people experience in response to particular sounds, visuals or interpersonal situations.  Frequently it involves "no talking", but for some it can include enjoying "soft whispering" sounds, or "mouthed sounds" or the sound of someone talking very lightly to themselves to the point that what is being said can't be made out.

It can include a myriad of things including the sound of someone drawing or painting, the sound of someone working alone without talking regardless of the task, such as shuffling papers on their desk, tapping away at wood working, working on crafts, repairing items at a workbench, etc. 

It can include soft touch such as getting one's hair cut, having a facial, or other similar soft touch, but again, it's not a sexual touch and this is emphasized repetitively in the information about ASMR.

Since there are so many different kinds of stimulating ASMR, and because it is very individualized (meaning some people may be stimulated by a sound like scratching, and another might be stimulated by the sound of particular movements or gestures, let me give you some examples:

From the internet you may find a video of a man who demonstrates doing shoe shinning.  He does not speak, nor does the person who sits for him wearing the shoes who is never seen.  So the videos are of the sound of the entire shoe shine and thus titled ASMR.  Another example might be a woman who demonstrates scrap booking.  You would hear the sounds of her busily working at cutting and pasting, sorting through her various stickers, maybe lighting a candle, but never any talking.  No music in many of these either because it's not music that stimulates ASMR... it's other kinds of sounds and sensations.

The moment someone begins giving instructions, or talking in lecture or teaching or explanation form, it isn't really an ASMR concept anymore.  It's the other perceptual sounds and movements that seem to "autonomously" trigger the start of "the tingles", and most people who experience this describe it as very relaxing.  Many use some of the now millions of ASMR videos online to help them fall asleep, relax, calm down, or otherwise reduce anxiety.

ASMR is not for everyone and it appears that even if some try, they don't seem to be stimulated by these sounds and perceptions.  So for some it is a mysteriously unfamiliar and odd thing.  Some may even find the sounds that stimulate ASMR in some individuals, to be more annoying than relaxing.  So if you don't find ASMR to be interesting, then it's not a method to include in your stress management toolbox.  But if it is something that works for you, the internet now holds so many possibilities to try, that you are in luck for tapping in to a few of these for yourself.

Keep in mind that even individuals who find ASMR helpful will admit that they are not drawn to all forms of ASMR.  In other words, it's very individualized to the person and what causes "the tingles" in one person, does not cause it in others.  

There has been some research done surrounding ASMR and the evidence does show that a person in the ASMR zone demonstrates lower heart rate and increased skin conductance, meaning there are clear measurable physiological changes happening during this state.  Because all attention is drawn to the immediate environment (its sounds and sensations), it is also considered a form of mindfulness practice which has been found to help draw one's mind away from worry thoughts.  EEG studies have shown changes in brainwave activity during this state and the results have shown results "consistent with sustained relaxation".

Because there are so many variations of ASMR, rather than list sample videos in this blog entry, I would instead suggest you think about what kind of sensations might interest you and do your own internet searches.  For ASMR without talking, just specify in your search "ASMR no talking", or if you are interested in some tasks with soft whispering, enter "Soft whispering ASMR".  If you are interested in crafts, you can google "ASMR arts and crafts", or "ASMR scrap booking".  Most of these internet inquiries will lead you to other forms of ASMR videos to try out, so you may have to explore a bit.

Keep in mind that the historic lean to try and make ASMR a "sexual thing" can still be exploited by those on the internet that want to pull this interesting phenomenon of ASMR in the wrong direction.  So use discernment when doing your internet searches.

"Our bodies communicate to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen to them."       ~Shakti Gawain

Thanks to Tim Reckmann for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

Assertiveness: The "Fight" in Fight-or-Flight

The "fight" part of the fight-or-flight response produces a lot of adrenaline, since it was originally meant to provide the biological strength to attempt to survive a real life-threatening event.  But in our modern world, what we perceive as danger is a little different now than it might have been in our early human history.  

In today's modern world it feels scary just to assert ourselves to ask for a raise, say what we want and need, and speak our mind or have our voice. 

That's why assertiveness is so important and why it's as equally important to recognize that the raised symptoms of anxiety when asserting ourselves are fairly normal, especially when we are first learning to assert ourselves, and practicing ways to stand our ground.  

On one end of the scale is passivity, in which we might fall silent and do or say nothing to defend ourselves in social and professional setting.  The far other extreme is aggression, in which we may over-do it and fall into the angry trap of yelling, using aggressive body language, and even becoming physically abusive.  

Somewhere in the middle ground is assertiveness, in which we use our best relaxation techniques to stay calm, while also standing firm.  At these times our body may fear "attack", which basically means an aggressive response, or something that just feels potentially dangerous, and may either be life-threateningly dangerous, or is perceived that way.

Assertiveness has four basic parts to it, and all are best presented with "I" statements.  These include:  "What I think", "What I feel", "What I want", and "What I need".  Before practicing assertiveness, it's good to remind yourself that you may not get what you want or need in the end, as others have the right to say no or disagree with you.  But expressing your view and feelings and asking for what you want and need can many times lead to a good response that turns things in the right direction, and is a far better reply than passivity or aggression.

When first practicing assertiveness you may experience many of the usual symptoms of anxiety.  Shortness of breath, sweaty palms, increased heart rate, tense muscles, and shakiness. But the "fight" of fight-or-flight helps you to stand in the midst of these symptoms, and relaxation techniques will be your friends to power through it.

Very key during assertive encounters is to relax your stomach muscles.  This helps to lower your diaphragm and allow more oxygen into the lower third of the lungs.  A tight stomach is an old human response to danger, and raises the diaphragm which produces short and shallow breathing more familiar to running.  Practicing slow abdominal breathing prior to an assertive encounter can help create this more relaxed stance.

And practice is your friend.  If you are asking for a raise, confronting a renter for payment, or asking a roommate to do their fair share of chores, practice on paper and also practice out loud so you can hear yourself saying the words you need to say.  Make sure you are doing all you can to use "I" statements.  You may not do this perfectly at first, but when you fall into the pattern of using "you" statements (i.e., you never take your turn doing dishes, you're always late paying the rent, or you don't appreciate me as an employee), you put the other person on defense, and from there the communication can fall apart.

Always practice and follow the key steps to standing your ground, rather than falling passive:  1) What I think:  "I think it's important that the chores be fair to avoid any feelings of resentment.", 2) What I feel: "And I am feeling some resentment as I've been doing the dishes more often lately." 3) What I want:  "I want us to get along and have a fair relationship". 4) What I need:  "I need to know that the chore of doing the dishes is actually going to be split 50/50 so I don't feel so resentful all the time".

In this example there might be a certain level of anxiety that the other person might get upset, begin to yell, deny not doing their fair share, or argue they do plenty of other things, so should not have to agree to your request.  This is the second layer of assertiveness training.  The response.  

Preparing for various responses is also a good thing to consider.  Knowing what it is you actually want and need in the end is important.  For instance, in this case if you truly want you and another person to split doing dishes 50/50, you will prepare to answer when the defense comes that they do other things they feel buy them out of their half of doing dishes.  Working to not allow topics to get off track, it's okay to agree to discuss the other chore another time, and stay focused on the topic at hand.  "I'm willing to discuss those other chose another time, but for now I'd like to just talk about the fair division of doing the dishes."

Assertiveness does not have to turn in to aggression, and it doesn't have to lead to fights.  But that is the fear and it's why it involves a certain level of anxiety symptoms familiar to the "flight" in the fight-or-flight response.  It's also why many people tend to fall into passivity instead, but passivity is a slow erosion of your sense of self, your confidence, and only leads to resentment that eats your up from the inside out.

Assertiveness takes practice.  You won't be a pro at it overnight.  It takes some time to study it, practice it, put it on paper, then give it a try in a few safe situations.  It has a very close connection to your self-esteem, which really just asks how much you value yourself.  When we value something, we take good care of it, have boundaries and rules around it, protect it and insist other do the same.  It's not about being aggressive and demanding, and it's not about falling silent and hanging onto resentment.  Assertiveness is a skill that you can develop over time, and in the end, it has the tremendous potential to lower symptoms of anxiety.

You can find three prior blog entries I've done talking about Abdominal Breathing and how much it helps to lower symptoms of anxiety, here, here, and here.

"Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women."     ~Maya Angelou

Thanks to Mark Freeth for the great image, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Hiking for Stress Management

It's a well-known fact that exercise releases "feel good" chemicals in the body and calms the nervous system by reducing cortisol (stress hormone) levels.  So it shouldn't be surprising that hiking qualifies as an item to place on your top 5 list of stress management practices for reducing stress and finding a more well-balanced life.

Not only is it peaceful to spend time in nature, but the environments where most hiking takes place are typically filled with beauty, earth smells, chances to see a little bit of wildlife, and definitely puts each of us back in touch with something we are a part of at the core--Mother Earth.

And if you are looking for a way to take electronic gadget breaks, hiking is a great way to get away from your computer and the prolonged sitting involved with dedicated work at your screens.  Research shows that prolonged sitting is associated with early death, cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, neck and lower back pain, and poor circulation.  Hiking gives you a reason to shut off your devices, put them away, and enjoy the delightful stimulation of the senses.  The body needs movement, the eyes need to focus on things farther away than a computer screen, the ears need to hear nature sounds, the lungs need the exercise and fresh air, and we all need reminders that we are not machines.  We are creatures on this planet just like all of the other creatures on this planet.  Our modern devices are here to assist us, not confine us.

Most of all, hiking is a Mindfulness practice.  It can bring you right into the present moment and wake up the senses.  While hiking you may notice the sound of water, birds, wind in the trees, and the feel of fresh air on your skin.  Walking in sunlight or rain, the benefits of hiking are the same.  The body remembers where it comes from, and that it is a part of something more than four walls and telephones aps.

Hiking doesn't have to be elaborate.  You don't have to make plans for a week-long, deep forest submersion.  Many towns have local hikes within minutes of town.  Some inner-city parks have hiking trails built right into them, and some of the best town parks have enough hiking trails and paths to make for a good hiking adventure.  So don't let distance stop you.  Hiking is still readily available at no, or very low cost, and seeking it out is well worth your Stress Management time.

You can find my previous May 2025 blog entry about the benefits of Forest Bathing here 

"It had nothing to do with gear or footwear or the backpacking fad of any particular era.  It had to do with how it felt to be in the wild."       ~Cheryl Strayed

Thanks to Intermountain Forest Service, USDA Region 4 Photograpy for the great photo taken at Wasatch-Cache National Forest, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/deed.en

Aroma Therapy: Stimulating the Brain to Alter the Mood

Psychotherapists have recommended Aroma Therapy for quite some time to clients who are looking for more things to add to their list of relaxation tools and exercises.  It is a way to intentionally alter mood by allowing various forms of scent to reach receptors in the nose where they then travel to an area of the brain that controls emotions.  That means that any aroma can trigger a mood, both positively and negatively.  So experimenting with aromas can help you learn which ones are most relaxing and positively stimulating for you, and which ones you should avoid.

Some specific aromas have been found to be very helpful for stress, including lavender, cedar, frankincense, and jasmine.  It's also known that certain smells will activate memory, such as thinking of the holiday season when smelling evergreen, or being reminded of Thanksgiving or Halloween when smelling pumpkin.  But not all aromas are interpreted the same by everyone, so developing your own preference is important and will take time, as well as trial and error.

When it comes to using Aroma Therapy to facilitate relaxation, there are also many safety factors to take into account, such as the method used to disperse the aroma into one's environment, as some methods are safer than others.  For instance, burning incense is a great way to deliver aroma into any given environment, both indoors and outdoors, but it's wisest to use plant-based incense and even better if you burn them outdoors to prevent poor ventilation and to reduce inhalation of any unhealthy particles.  In addition, stay alert when burning oils, incense, or potpourri, especially if you have any risk of falling asleep while relaxing to the enjoyment of these types of aromas.

The methods for Aroma Therapy are many, and include diffusers, incense, perfumes, bath oils, essential oils, and body lotions to name a few.  For some the simple smell of an open fire is relaxing, and for others it's the natural smells of things like the ocean, mountain pine trees, or the smell of rain.

You can find additional information about Aroma Therapy on my earlier blog entry from 2015 here 

"Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived"       ~Helen Keller

Thanks to jessicahtam for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Hot Springs in Colorado: Submerging in the Relaxation of the Rockies

When it comes to relaxation, soaking in natural hot springs is top on the list for enhancing wellness and stress reduction.  And there is no better state in the country than Colorado to find an abundance of these wonderful hot springs.  

Colorado has a long history of drawing the attention of those who seek out and enjoy some of the most unique and lovely mineral springs in the country.  We have Glenwood Springs just across the street from the historic Colorado Hotel, and the beautiful Pagosa Springs, which boasts of 52 soaking pools and cold plunges.

You can find many of the best hot springs Colorado has to offer by traveling the Colorado Hot Springs Loop, which is an 800-mile stretch of 23 different hot springs soaking locations.   Anywhere along the way you can rest your weary bones and rejuvenate your body and mind.

So why is it that soaking in some of these great water sources is so good for relaxing and healing the human body?  

Well, the hot springs contain minerals from the rocks they pass through and as long as the water is of tolerable temperature for the human body, it helps to relax muscles and tendons to promote healing.  

Use of hot springs all over the world traces back thousands of years and in our modern world it is a lucrative industry centering on tourism, rehabilitation clinics, and spas.

You can find my previous blog entry from 2018 about soaking in hot springs here, where I provide a list of 30 different Colorado Hot Springs you can try.

If you are unable to find a way to get to some of these great locations, then soaking in a hot bath at home is still worth its weight in gold.  You can find my prior blog entry from 2015 about the great benefits of soaking in a hot bath here.  

And don't forget to look around for one of many mineral products you can safely add to your bath water, which can bring some of the benefits of natural hot spring water right to your home.

"It's Hot Springs o'clock somewhere"

What Meditation Is and Is Not.

Knowing what meditation is and is not can help you develop a good meditation practice with realistic expectations.

What meditation is not:  

Meditation is not a technique used to get us into some sort of emotional state.  So if you are trying to get out of anger, or into a steady attitude of joy, meditation is not the way.  It's not a form of escapism in which you can run away from your addictions, boss, annoyances, or problems.  It's also not meant to put an end to your ruminations, although it probably can help with them, that's not the aim.  It's not therapy in that if you sit down and meditate your problems will begin to resolve themselves from the effort.  So don't assume meditation will bring that your way, either.  And meditation is not a religion, although it can be practiced by individuals from a wide range of various religious beliefs.

There are plenty of ways to rest, relax, and find leisure, but these are not meditation, either.  A guided imagery exercise is nice and even enjoyable and entertaining, but it is not meditation.  So a "guided meditation" is a little misleading and leaves you vulnerable to the decisions, directions, and reality of someone else.  It also keeps you from being aware of your true present moment, unless you just want to be aware of your relaxing and entertaining guided imagery, which is perfectly fine, but it's not meditation.

What meditation is:

Meditation is best thought of as ways in which you practice staying mindful, which means you are aware of the present moment as it is, not as it once was or how you want it to be.  So it is a state of awareness and many meditation techniques are those that help you stay present and aware of your moment-to-moment existence in this life.

When you hear someone say they have meditation as a "practice" it means they are literally practicing mindfulness and possibly using mindfulness techniques to do that, and the reason this is important is because humans have a tendency to miss out on reality itself because they are either dwelling on the past and ruminating about the things that have already been, or they are worried and anxious about the future and those things that have not ever actually happened.  

For instance, if you drive to the grocery store and upon arrival can't really recall all the traffic lights and things you saw along the way because you spent the drive angry about the thing your boss said yesterday, or you were busy ruminating about something a friend said about something you did or said, or your mind was focused on and worried about some upcoming event next week, then you actually missed out on that entire drive that was a part of your real and actual moment-to-moment life.  

But with practice, we can all get much better over time at being present for our lives and actually aware of the goings-on, the things sensed, the people coming in and out of our awareness, that series of traffic lights on the way to the store, and the true reality of every moment of our very short and limited precious lives.

So meditation is not the things that help us escape reality and the present moment, but it is awareness itself of the present moment.  So if you are using the present moment to escape reality, you are not meditating, but if you are fully present then your meditation is sound.

You can find some great guidance as a beginner in this wonderful book by Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

Meditation is not really about seeking relaxation, but it does help with relaxation by bringing your mind to the present and pulling it away from future oriented worry which produces stress.  You can find my prior blog entry about the ways meditation helps with relaxation here 

"Just being in the moment in this place is the deepest practice of meditation"     ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks to luckey_sun for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

How Bike Riding Helps with Stress

Maybe it's been a while since you've hopped on a bicycle and gone for a leisurely ride.  But there are many reasons to consider it as one of your many forms of exercise, and one of those reasons is the way it relaxes the body and can help reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression.

Among the many reasons bike riding is so good for your mental and physical well-being is that it reduces cortisol (the stress hormone), and releases endorphins (the feel-good hormone), while physically, your heart, lungs and blood vessels all get a good workout.

According to the League of American Bicyclists, riding a bike has many benefits to one's mental health including stress relief, mood improvement, and improved mental clarity.  You can find their article about the 5 Mental Health Benefits of Riding Your Bike here 

If you are older, it's also a good idea to keep in mind that bike riding is not just for kids.  If you are worried about injury or discomfort, consider the following tips for older bike riders:  Always wear a helmet, wear bright reflective clothing so you can be seen, go in the same direction as the traffic, get a bike that fits you for comfort, stay hydrated, follow all the same rules that apply to cars, don't go faster than feels comfortable, choose bike routes that have bike lanes, and never assume a driver sees you (make sure to make eye contact with them so you know they see you).  You can find a wonderful video about an 80yr old cyclist named Wendy Skean from Nathrop Colorado here, and though you don't have to be as ambitious as she is or win medals like she does, it should inspire you to know that you are never too old to get out and pedal a bike.

You can find my previous blog entry Reducing Stress by Going for a Bike Ride here 

"You are one ride away from a good mood"     ~Sarah Bentley

Thanks to Esteban Chiner for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en

Forest Bathing to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

Shinrin-yoku.  That's what the Japanese call Forest Bathing.  It's a practice of immersing oneself in nature (especially forests), and the reason it is so helpful for stress is because it is a mindfulness practice that has a direct impact on all the various anxiety responses that get triggered in the human body during stress.

In any forest you will find a unique ecosystem made up of trees, animals, and other living plants and organisms that may vary depending on where you are at on the planet.  It's a complete interconnected system of dense trees, water, and air that creates an atmosphere of quiet relaxation.

One of the most noticeable things about Forest Bathing is that it speaks directly to the senses.  From the soft gentle lighting that is created by the tree coverage, to the sound of running streams, birds, and other living creatures that inhabit most of these environments.  In your every breath you can taste and inhale the wooded smells of the surrounding area.  It's an earthy smell of pine, moss, plants, flowers, and damp soil.  Usually the dense trees create a muffling of sound which makes time in the forest nice and quiet, with the right combination of gentle noises that feel accepting (and familiar) to the human body.  

The greenery from the combination of trees, plants, wood and soil in most forests is welcoming to the eyes as it creates a view that is not too bright and not too dark.  And the softness of the moss and aged leaves on most forest floors creates a gentle massage on one's feet when walking over the trails and paths.  There isn't too much in these environments that the human body doesn't like and so it feels welcoming and is an environment our bodies can relate to.

Scientifically, the proof supports the feeling that Forest Bathing brings.  According to Dr Qing Li, who is considered to be the foremost expert on Forest Bathing or "forest medicine," there are many medical benefits from practicing Forest Bathing.  Including, strengthening the immune system, lowering blood pressure, lowering levels of depression, anxiety and stress, reducing fatigue, lowering levels of cortisol steroids in the system (the stress hormone), and increasing a sense of mental focus (mindfulness).

Forest Bathing is one of the most affordable kinds of stress-reduction therapy you will ever find.  It's reachable and manageable for many and talks to that part of us that knows we are a part of nature.  If you are looking for ideas about how you can get back into nature, you can find my earlier blog entry here about ways to get out and get connected with the great outdoors.  There is no time like the present to submerge yourself in the relaxing practice of Forest Bathing.

"Go out in the forest, go out.  If you don't go out in the woods nothing will ever happen and your life will never begin."     ~Clarrisa Pinkola Estes

Thanks to Jan Hazevoet for the great photos, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Autumn Walk: A Mindfulness Practice

Autumn is a perfect time to let walking be your mindfulness practice.  It is full of all the richness that brings the senses alive and it's one of the healthiest and safest exercises for the human body.

A helpful exercise when practicing mindfulness is to focus on the senses, and a relaxing walk among the smells, sights and sounds of Autumn can be the perfect combination for staying in the present moment.

When our racing minds begin to take off to the future with worried "what-if" thinking, or when they drift to the past with messages of how things "should" have been, or "could" have been, then we are not present.  But mindfulness practices that bring us right into our senses can help with this.  The sounds, smells, view, feel and even the tastes we experience in the present moment are all that really exist.  We can consider the past and bring information from it to the present to help us solve something or move forward, and we can consider those worries about the future in order to apply action to productive worry, but letting our minds live in the past or future only leads to prolong feelings of depression and anxiety.  

Don't worry.  You're not alone if your mind tends to drift off into the past or future quite often, but you can get better and better at staying in the present by apply daily practices that exercise your ability to return to the present over and over again.  The more you practice mindfulness, the more frequently you will be present and the less you will suffer from the consequences of living in symptoms of depression and anxiety that are triggered by thoughts, and not reality.

A beautiful and relaxing Autumn walk is perfect for these kinds of mindfulness practices.  In such an environment you can intentionally pay attention to the brilliant changing colors all around you.  Fall is a time of year that offers carpeted paths of fallen leaves of shades ranging from yellow and green, to orange and red.  The changing environment around you will also offer the smells of the changing season.  Damp leaves and transforming forest floors produce the smells of the shifting season as the trees around you are shedding their growth for the coming winter. 

There is something about walking among all those leaves that also has a feel of insulation that softens sound.  Depending on where you live, you will also hear the sound of the traveling birds as they make their way south this time of year, and other animals will be busy in the bush preparing their winter homes and food supply.

As you zero in on these senses during your walk, you may not notice it but your mind is no longer racing into the future with worry or drifting into the past with sorrow, regret, and other emotions that surface.  These changes also preventing any ongoing unnecessary symptoms that those memories or worries create in your present moment.

Here is an exercise for your Autumn walk.  Spend 5 minutes on each statement, rotating through them repeatedly throughout your walk:  "What do I see?", "What do I hear?", "What do I smell?", "What do I taste?", and "What do I feel?"  The very last one listed here is not about feeling emotionally or psychologically, but what you feel physically, such as the temperature, or the sun on your face, or your clothing on your body, etc.  In addition, if you do not detect something in one of your senses, that's okay.  For instance, if you are not eating anything, or do not have gum or anything else in your mouth, you might not really taste anything at the moment, and that's okay.  Just move to the next sense and continue.

This is a beautiful time of year to get outside and enjoy the mild temperatures, as well as the beautiful colors and smells.  They say there is no time like the present, but the truth is that the present is the only time that really exists.  So it should say, "There is no time but the present". 

"Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree."     ~EmilyBronte

Thanks to Sebnem Gulfidan for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Gadget Addiction: Ways to Take Stress-free Breaks from your Electronics

Do you remember the first time you decided to start keeping your cell phone by your bed at night?  Not just charging, but actually turned on and within reach?  Maybe at first it was so the kids could reach you if there was an emergency, or maybe you started using it as an alarm clock or just a clock in the night.  Are there other devices that join it on the night stand?  A pager?  Pedometer?  Digital watch?  Maybe your Kindle reader?  And this is just at the relaxing point of bed and rest.  What about in the kitchen?  What gadgets are there?  Isn't the thermostat a computer now, and the toothbrush, and the coffee maker, and the click of your car key, at least for some advanced automobiles, to start the car before you even go out to enter it?  There are bikes now that will pedal for you if the going gets too strenuous?  I like the idea of that!  The places one can go with such an e-bike.   And who wouldn't when each of these devices makes the lives of humans easier.  Devices take us beyond our human capability to reach knowledge, accomplishments, and finish projects in ways we never could with our human limitations. 

But let's stop for a moment and remember that we are still human beings and humans are not machines or devices.  We "use" devices to help us do things that go beyond our ability (and many within our ability), and so the creation of most of them was, we hope, with good intentions by all.  But the human being has a much more advanced skill than machines do, and that is the discernment to know when to not use machines.  Or at the very least, when to take a break from them.  A machine can know it is over heating or running beyond its capacity and shut down, but a human can know when to step out of the world of gadgets and look up from the screen to see the waterfall or flower right in front of them.

Gadget addiction is a real thing.  One of the most obvious outcomes of excessive use of technology is that humans are becoming increasingly sedentary.  Some may even say "lazy".  Some of the latest artificial intelligence can write a paper for you and come up with all the ideas and suggestions for a problem or solution.  It can even create the most magnificent works of art.  But each time a human decides to give away this ability to think for themselves, or act for themselves, they are slowly becoming an observer, rather than an active person in this life.

So far, the varied research on overuse of gadgets, screens, and technology has revealed that there is a connection with isolation, depression, anxiety, and reduced attention span.  What is still being deciphered is the chicken and the egg problem.  Is it depression and anxiety that leads some to disappear into their devices and use them to try to feel better?  Or is it the devices themselves that are leading human beings to have these outcomes, and all the symptoms that come with them, including insomnia, aggression, lack of motivation, "fear of missing out" (FOMO), reduced self-esteem due to constant online comparisons, eye strain, hand and arm strain, and more.

Many of our gadgets help us to be more efficient in the world, but if we begin to identify with them too much, we can forget our humanness and our human limitations.  Finding ways to take breaks from our electronics can help rest the eyes and body, encourage us to connect more with nature (which we are a part of), and move us to exercise some of the abilities we have been letting machines do for us.  Taking time to step away from these helpful devices can help us keep a sense of balance between the two worlds of human and machine.

Here are some ways to take breaks from your devices:

*Consider shutting your phone off for periods of time (60 minutes to start).

*Try to let places like the dinner table be gadget-free zones.

*Go for a walk and let your eyes focus on something farther away than your screen or phone.

*Go places your devices can't always go or be on, like the sandy beach, the pool, or theater.

*Turn off your notification sounds so you are not prompted to your devices as frequently.

*Read a book or magazine.

You can find my prior blog entry about Gadgets and stress here:  Reducing Stress by Unplugging 

"Technology doesn't just do thing for us.  It does things to us, changing not just what we do, but who we are."     ~Sherry Turkle

Thanks to Jaci XIV for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/

Abdominal Breathing: Relaxing the Stomach to Relieve Stress

If you suffer from anxiety, you may not realize that when your body responds to real or perceived danger, the fight or flight response triggers your tummy to flex and tense in order to either run from danger or to stay and fight it. 

When this happens the tense stomach muscle pulls in and as it does it pushes the diaphragm (a muscle sitting just below the lungs) upward, creating a crowded situation in your lungs.  You may notice in your symptoms of anxiety that your breathing becomes short and shallow and this is why, because there is much less room in the lungs for getting oxygen in.  An extreme example of this is hyperventilation, in which you breathe rapidly in very short and shallow breaths.

A remedy to help bring your symptoms of anxiety down is to focus on slow abdominal breathing, which requires you to relax the tummy muscle causing your lower abdomen to protrude a little.  As you do that the diaphragm muscle lowers and this creates a release of the pressure up under the lungs.  This can help bring fresh oxygen down and into the lower third of the lungs, which helps to refresh and relax the body.

For these reasons, focusing on slow abdominal breathing has become one of the fastest and most effective ways to lower your symptoms of anxiety in the moment, and particularly when it feels that your symptoms are escalating, such as during a panic attack.

Practicing your breathing techniques during times of no stress, for instance when you are at home and relaxed or meditating, can help you be ready and knowledgeable about what to do when under stress in a more difficult situation.  

Remember as well that the fight or flight response is triggered when there is real or perceived danger, so if you are not in real danger, then checking your beliefs is also important as just the belief that there is danger will create the same situation and the same shallow breathing.

So do your reality check, and then slow the breathing with well-practiced abdominal breathing.  To expand your knowledge about abdominal breathing, you can find my prior blog entry-- Abdominal Breathing-- here 

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.  Conscious breathing is my anchor."    ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks to Y Lamar Yancy for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Walking for Stress Management

Memories of winter and darkness by 5pm are breaking way now to spring, and as the days get longer, the moods and energy change for most of us.  

That being true, this is a great time of year to consider creating a new walking routine to help cope with stress.  The cool of mornings, as well as the warmer evenings, are perfect for walking and unwinding as the change to spring and summer makes it easier to get out and stretch.

The reason walking is such a good addition to any stress management routine is because it actually does make physical changes in the body that help counter anxiety and stress.  According to the American Psychological Association people experience lower levels of stress hormones, like cortisol and epinephrine, after bouts of physical activity.  They also warn that the more sedentary we get, the less efficient our bodies are at responding to stress.

In addition, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that walking is a good form of low impact, moderate intensity exercise that has a wide range of health benefits and relatively few risks.  They suggest that we each try to get 10,000 steps each day for optimal health.  So how do we manage to get in all of those steps?  

The Mayo Clinic has a few good suggestions such as taking the stairs, parking farther away from the entrance to places you go, walking the dog, including walks in your work-day breaks, going for a hike, and adding music to your activities to get a pace going.  In addition to these suggestions, finding parks and trails to walk are great ways to get both exercise and the added relaxation of a beautiful environment.  At the same time, if you are a city dweller, sidewalk walking, mall walking, and walking around local attractions like a zoo, botanic garden, or shopping areas also benefit your walking routine.

What do you benefit in the end if you increase your walking?  Increased heart and lung fitness, reduced risk of heart disease and stroke, improved blood pressure and cholesterol, reduced muscular and joint pain, improved balance, and of course... less stress.

You can find my previous blog entry about walking meditation here

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.      ~Lao Tzu

Thanks to Natasha Chub-Afanasyeva for the great image

Paddleboarding: Another great way to battle Depression and Anxiety

Since 2000 the recreational sport of paddleboarding has gained in popularity and adding it to your list of relaxing things to do could be one of the best things you do for yourself this summer. 

This wonderful outdoor sport is something that can be done in many lakes, rivers, or oceans and it's a great way for you to go exploring the great outdoors whether you are alone and seeking a meditative day of water and sun, or are with others and just looking to improve your social skills.

Those hooked on the fun call it SUP, which stands for Stand Up Paddleboarding.  Whoo hoo... now you've got the lingo, let's take a look at why it's a great way to reduce stress and anxiety, as well as interrupt the patterns that lead to depression.

Boarding your paddleboard and heading out on the water taps you in to the kind of things that typically only boaters get to enjoy.  Out on the lakes and rivers, you can access the great scenic views that contribute to complete physical and mental relaxation.  Out there on the water and water edges you will be as close as ever to wildlife, sunshine, exercise and the kinds of activities that lead to more balanced breathing patterns in the body.

Many just like the escape paddleboarding provides them in that they can paddle out and away from the shore which in itself is so symbolic for just getting away from it all, thus leaving the world behind, the cars and noise, the kids and chores, and finding a spot out in the open water to sit and meditate on your own.  In such an environment you can find some alone time to think over life events, feelings and important decisions in life.  Most of all, you can practice your mindfulness and present-moment focus via the senses.

Paddleboarding is also a very affordable activity and the boards come in models that you can haul on your car, or others that are inflatable, which allows most people the opportunity to transport them to any destination.  

Once outside you immediately begin pulling in the endless advantages of living an active lifestyle.  By the time you get to your favorite paddleboarding spot you are participating in exercise, fresh air, sunshine, and many find it to be a great way to socialize as there are plenty of people for you to meetup with in paddleboarding groups or friendship groups who also paddleboard.

Since the explosion of its popularity, many shops and stores have expanded to renting paddleboards, so if you find you like going but not so often that you actually need to own a paddleboard, there are lots of options to finding one you can enjoy for a few hours or days.

For those who have some anxiety about pursuing such a fun and relaxing sport, please keep in mind that you can sit down and paddle on your board as well, and though it is true that you can paddleboard if you don't know how to swim, let's be sensible here.  Don't ever go out in the water without a sturdy, well fastened, tested and reliable lifejacket on.  Especially if you can't swim!  If you find you love the sport that much, maybe it will inspire you to begin taking some swimming lessons and tackle that skill once and for all.

Many people take up paddleboarding only to report back how much fun they are having, how it gets them outside and active, and how they can't wait to get back out there and go again.  Seriously consider giving it a try.  It can only be good for your mental health and has shown to counter the symptoms of depression and anxiety.

"Paddleboarding is like walking on water."  ~Laird Hamilton (Big Wave Surfer)

Thanks to GR for the great image, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/

Walking in the Rain: A Mindfulness Practice

It's true there is a category of individuals that don't like the rain.  They find it depressing and oppressive, or perhaps believe it is something that is interfering with their sunshine, gardening, and blue-sky day.  But there is another group of people who find something very relaxing about rain.  They enjoy going out for walks on a rainy day, or just being lulled to sleep by the sound of rain.  And for them, the rain is a welcome arrival of comfort and peace.

No doubt this is why so many relaxation recordings and videos have been made that include rain, and why there is an entire industry that designs and sells water fountains, water sound machines, and landscaping developments that have water fountains and elements of water built into them.  But specifically going out and walking in the rain can be an entire form of meditation all in itself, and is an exercise in mindfulness practice because it includes all of the senses.  

When going for a stroll out in the rain, you will eventually feel it at some point on your skin, but there is also a smell to rain as well, as it hits the pavement, wood, and foliage all around you.  And the sound itself is a relaxing one because it has a steady ongoing rhythm that tends to be consistent like a running stream.  

Out in the element of rain the other senses are also activated and the atmosphere can range from foggy and overcast to partly cloudy and rainbow images in the sky, but typically the visual image is much softer on the eyes so you don't have to squint or strain to protect them from bright light.  A cleansing feeling is common when walking out in the rain as the dust, pollen, and maybe even ruminating thoughts are all washed away.

Add fog to the mix and many people have described a walk in the rain like being wrapped in a warm blanket.  In fact, as clouds move in and even lower, sound becomes more muffled and much softer so any conversation has a gentle feel to it that is soft and relaxed.  

The next time it rains, consider a nice meditative walk out in the elements.  Grab your umbrella and rain coat and use the event as a way to practice your relaxation and mindfulness skills.  Stay as present as you can and focus on the senses.  Instead of just closing the rain out or distracting yourself until it is done, try not to miss the chance to fully experience the rain in this lifetime.

"You cannot touch the clouds, you know; but you can feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day."   ~Helen Keller

Thanks to Y'amal for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

A Relaxation Room of Your Own: The Comfort of your Own Cozy Space

When we think of the kinds of home environments that encourage relaxation it's easy to identify key things that make up the surroundings.  Relaxing rooms are usually clutter free, with gentle soft colors and a sense of simplicity and comfort. The idea is to introduce to the environment things that produce a calming effect, including things that are familiar to nature such as moving water, green earthy hues and aromas that are inviting but not overpowering.

Rooms created for relaxation are typically inviting, in that they provide relaxing places to sit, lounge, or meditate, and generally make a person want to stay rather than leave.  So, comfort is the name of the game.  Comfortable furniture, comfortable colors that are gentle on the eyes, comfortable sounds and surroundings that make a person want to take a deep breath and relax.

Plants and artificial plants are very important in the making of a relaxation room.  The greenery and earthy colors take us back to our roots and remind us we are part of nature itself.  In addition, water fountains provide meditative sound and noninvasive visual stimulation for letting the mind go.  Some water fountains are a genuine work of art all in themselves.  A more costly addition would be a hot tub in your special place, but this is not always a luxury everyone can afford.  However, favorite sculptures and wall decor can personalize a room, as this is also important in bringing familiarity that lets you know it is home.

A special place you go to for relaxation, ritual, reading or meditation is something you can create as a part of your ongoing stress reduction plan.  In order to create a relaxation room for yourself you have to spend some time thinking about what things enhance relaxation for you personally.  What colors calm you?  What sounds tend to bring your blood pressure down?  What kind of environment pulls you in and makes you want to stay?

To begin your initial plans for a relaxation room, try focusing on the senses.  What you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel in this "to-be-created" room is going to be unique to you and those who will be utilizing it.  It will eventually be a gathering of all the things you know bring you relaxation.  Will it have a place to make and sit for tea?  Maybe a meditation cushion and blanket?  Will there be music or silence?  Does it have your favorite books?  Or will you do other things to relax the mind, such as artwork, journaling, or mindfulness practices?

Regardless of the outcome, creating a personalized, special place to go for relaxation is a great way to stay on top of your stress management.  In the end it only needs to slow you down, give the muscles and mind a break, and remind you it is always there for you to come back to again and again.

Thanks to F.D. Richards for the great photo

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Stress and trying to answer the unanswerable

Recently the wonderful Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh passed away.  He had been ill for some time after having a massive stroke in 2014.  He was a pretty remarkable person who wrote over 130 books, 100 of which were published in English.  He definitely left a lot of information for all of us to peruse for the rest of our lives.  One lesson taught, which was given by the Buddha and passed down through the centuries, was that we should not waste our time on metaphysical speculation.

If you are like me, this is a little upsetting because it is fun to contemplate the meaning of life and what else there could be besides just this one precious life.  But I don't think Thich Nhat Hanh or Buddha meant that you should not enjoy a good philosophical conversation.  What they meant was that the more time you spend chasing after "the answer" to things that can't be known, the more of this precious life you miss out on.

When we are faced with the question of life and death, it's very disturbing to imagine that this one precious life might be all there is.  Especially when there are threats of war, violence, death, and world destruction.  It's hard to  find our drive for creativity, our motivation to keep going, and our desire to put effort into life if we don't think there is "good reason".  We want there to be a reward at the end, like a heaven, or prize, or some kind of promise.   

It is taught that whenever the Buddha himself was asked about metaphysical questions, he remained silent.  Pretty good answer!  To answer is to get drawn into all kinds of mind games and the "What ifs" that lead to anxiety and suffering.  But the point of the lesson is that if you get distracted by these "What ifs", you lose all sight of the present moment, which is the only place where reality exits.  

This week we have heard endless stories about war and the invasion of Ukraine.  The images are terrible to see and the stories are heart breaking.  But it's very easy to get caught up as well into the terrible "What ifs" that leave us paralyzed and unable to find hope about the future.  In the process, we miss out on what is really happening "right now".  The more important question is , "How will you live your life right now", and that includes full awareness and response to this moment and the events happening in it.  

There is a popular Zen story about a man who was shot in the chest with an arrow.  Everyone tried to assist him in getting that arrow out, but he insisted on knowing all sorts of unanswerable details about the shooting of the arrow before he would let anyone try to save his life.  Meanwhile he was dying from the wound.  Of course, that is my shortened version of the parable, but maybe you get the point that spending all of our time trying to find answers to things we cannot know, is a waste of the one precious life we are living.  It is a powerful lesson driven home by the Zen master Seung Sahn who made it the foundation of his teaching.  One of his students later put together a book of his lessons and letters entitled, Only Don't Know. 

When it comes to anxiety we can get ourselves stressed out about things that can't be known.  Will I get in an auto accident?  Will I get shot by an arrow?  Will I have a job next week?  Is there a divine entity?  Will someone push the nuclear button?  

A Zen master was asked by a student, "Is there life after death?"  The Zen master replied, "How should I know?  I've never died before!"  

"Understanding means throwing away your knowledge."

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Holiday Aroma: The Relaxing Smells of the Holiday Season

If your family tradition is to get a real Yuletide tree for the home each year, then you have experienced the association of seasonal smells that come with the holidays.  Psychotherapists that utilize aroma therapy in their work have known for years that the use of aromas can contribute to the rise of feelings, memories and reactions associated with them, and during the holiday season this triggering is more true than just about any other time of the year.

It's not just evergreen trees that trigger relaxation, happy memories and joy during the holidays.  The end-of-year celebrations have a multitude of triggering aromas, from hot chocolate and candies to cinnamon and peppermint.  Whatever it may be, finding the correct aroma for yourself is key in knowing what helps bring you joy and relaxation during this festive time of the year.

With all of this in mind, it's important to know that just as an association of aroma with fond memories and events is positive, there may also be aromas that bring you sorrow, irritation, and pain.  Knowing what these are is also important so you can arrange for positive outcomes throughout the holiday season.  Just remember that it's different for everyone.  The smell of a Yuletide evergreen tree is not the same for everyone and is not universally "pleasant".  For one person it can have a positive association with opening presents and hearing favorite holiday music, and for another it can bring painful memories of negative events that perhaps happened in association to the tree during any given occasion in the past.

You most likely already know which holiday aromas are most pleasant to you and which ones you steer clear of.  The reason is because they trigger memories and emotions right away.  But there might be some physical and emotional reactions that take a little while to sink in and you may not fully realize that you've been affected by them until a gradual emotion or mood surfaces.  Becoming gradually sad or finding yourself getting incrementally cheerful might mean that you were triggered by an aroma earlier than "now", such as passing through a store while shopping for holiday gifts but not realizing until an hour later that you might have been triggered by the aroma of candles or oils while in the store earlier.  So try to notice if a memory or feeling has crept up on you from aroma triggers you might not have noticed at the time they occurred.  

It might take a few holiday seasons for you to experiment with aroma therapy, but based on your present awareness of yourself, you can help to enhance your relaxation and stress reduction during the holidays by surrounding yourself with the aromas you already know well.  Finding safe sources for these aromas is also important so be careful to check the products you purchase to make sure they are as safe as possible to your lungs and overall health.

Aroma therapy sources may include candles, scented sachets, potpourri, essential oils and oil diffusers, lotions, sprays, perfumes, soaps, bath beads, burning smokeless incense, balms, and herbs.  Each is a personal preference and no one method is better than the other.  Your choice is part of the process of finding the most enjoyable aromas for your mind and body.

Hellen Keller, who lost her eyesight and hearing before she was 2yrs old, was well known for her incredible writing and communication skills which frequently shone light on awareness of the power that our "other" senses have.  She wrote that, "Smell is a potent wizard that transports us across thousands of miles and all the years we have lived."  

Thanks to micadew for the great holiday photo.

Meditation in the Winter: Finding Relaxing Stillness

Winter can be a very peaceful and calming time.  For one thing, it is quiet.  Snow tends to give an insulating feeling to your surroundings and cushions sound and mood.

Symbolically, we turn inward in the winter time, a little bit like hibernating bears.  Although we don't sleep the winter away like they do, we do slow down, crave different kinds of foods, and experience a changed metabolism.  We also tend to turn in a little earlier at night when the sun sets sooner than other times of the year.

Winter also moves us to seek out things that are cozy, like warm fires and hot coco, as well as soft sweaters, fleece hats and wools socks.  These cozy things are reminiscent of our time in the womb when our surroundings were literally wrapped around our entire being, and brought us the support of our universe as we knew it then.

While turning inward we become more contemplative, perhaps do some writing or artwork (such as painting and drawing), or maybe some cooking and baking, reading, and other home projects.  We tend to get a little more creative overall.

Winter is also a great time for meditation.  The push to be indoors brings us right to the company of our meditation mat and the quiet surrounding is perfect for our practice of stilling the mind.  Always remember that you won't do this perfectly as the determination of the monkey-mind will want to interrupt the peacefulness of any soft winter sitting.  But do your best and allow yourself the patience you deserve to approach your winter stillness with self-compassion.

Your meditation can include the contemplation of your unanswerable life's question (your koan), or perhaps the meaning of a good poem can help you stay focused.  Here is one by Robert Frost to give you some pause.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Thanks to Jonathan Cook-Fisher for the great photo from Truckee River South Lake Tahoe, CA

Autumn: The symbolic push to seize the moment

There is something about Autumn that everyone seems to like.  Ask most anyone and they will express a like for the cooler temperatures, wearing their favorite sweaters at last, walking in the colorful Fall leaves, or drinking warm beverages like coco, cider and tea.

It's the time of year where we can capitalize on relaxation, creativity, and a connection with nature since it is comfortable enough to be out in the elements, and the season offers something for all of the senses.

But this time of year also offers a lot of symbolism about life, transitions and the reality that nothing ever stays the same, everything is in constant change, and there is evidence all around us that we don't have forever to do the things we want to do in this lifetime.

Robert Frost put it well in his classic poem (so symbolic of Autumn in itself), 

Nothing Gold Can Stay:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold,
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I'm reminded of the existentialists who frequently get accused of being the downers in life, but in reality they are the writers and thinkers who bring to light the need for all of us to come home to the present moment, which is where life actually exists.  They push us a little bit to find meaning in our lives.  They are the questioners of life itself and encourage us to ask, "What does it mean to exist?" But more than that, they push us to find meaning in this existence that brings us such constant change, including birth and death.  Why is it that this transitional time of year, which symbolically represents death and the reality that "nothing gold can stay"-- is so beautiful, and so welcomed and enjoyed by most?

There is something very relaxing in getting out and enjoying this time of year.  Be sure to get out and walk among the leaves and colors and let your senses take it all in.  The smell, the sight, the sound... And while you are out there, be sure to ask yourself, "Why am I here?"  "What is my personal meaning in this life?"  Are you waiting around for some other person, organization, or entity to define this for you?  What would it be like to create this meaning for yourself?  What are you waiting for?  Nothing gold can stay!  

Thanks to Ian Sane for the great photo

Denial: A Precursor to Stress and Anxiety

In the 1980s many therapy and addiction circles had a saying that "denial" is more than just a river in Egypt.  Denial can be anything from an initial protective reaction (such as when we are told a loved one has died), all the way to serious denial about damaging addictions or other behaviors.  It is saying or deciding that something is untrue.  We can deny that we did or said something we did not do, and we can deny that the sky is green if someone tries to tell us it is.  But denying something is true when it is in fact true, is a different kind of denial.  

At some point most of us are nudged out of denial about the many things we find uncomfortable.  For instance, that we are either spending too much, drinking too much, exercising too much, haven't dealt with a personal issue yet, or need to accept that something is or isn't actually true.   But denial becomes a problem when it starts to get out of control, and that time is when we deny those things that really need to be seen, accepted, or acknowledged in order for life to run realistically, safely, and smoothly.

Sometimes we might not actually realize how stressed out we are until the signs and symptoms of anxiety begin to show themselves in factual form.  And even then, many people will still deny they are actually having problems.  Any number of physical symptoms can be traced back to a stressful lifestyle or stressful life situation that might have been unexpected, such as death, job loss, financial hardship, illness, and so on.  We can recognize we've gone into denial when we realize we are acting "as if" something is other than what it really is.

For instance, if we know that a loved one has passed away but we are still setting a table setting for them at the dinner table, we are acting "as if" they are still alive or might come through the door at any moment, rather than living with an awareness that they have actually passed away.  In addition, sometimes parents will maintain their child's bedroom long after they have grown and moved out because they don't really want to accept that they are gone and living their own lives elsewhere.  They maintain a home existence "as if" their child is still living there or might just return to their former place in the household.

When it comes to stress and anxiety we may similarly find that we are living "as if" there is no need for rest, relaxation, meditation, or quiet time.  Instead, we may be acting "as if" our body is a machine that can run non-stop, doesn't need sleep or nourishment, and can function without any sense of exposure to nature.  When physicians tell patients that the reason for their low vitamin D is lack of sunshine, many people are surprised.  In addition, when they are told that their headaches might be caused by too much time at the computer, eye and neck strain, shoulder tension, and lack of sleep, modern day humans carry on "as if" those signs and symptoms are possible, but of little consequence. 

The truth is that the toll taken on us for ignoring our daily and hourly signs of stress are enormous.  We now know that stress can enhance the speed of growth in some forms of cancer, and ask anyone who has participated in sleep research (either as a patient or researcher) and they will tell you that lack of adequate rest leads to errors and accidents.   When stress and anxiety are denied and life is carried on "as if" that tension does not exist, the human body can begin to unravel.

So how do we work to prevent as much denial as possible about our level of stress at any given moment?  We do this by applying the dual-action of:  1) taking serious daily inventory of our lives, and 2) acting on the information we gather from that inventory.  

How many hours of sleep are you getting?  Are you getting appropriate nutrition?  Have you had too much or too little of a substance, such as sugar, salt, caffeine, marijuana, alcohol, drugs, and water.  Are you getting enough exercise, physical rest, movement, non-movement, stretching or touch.  

And don't forget part two of this dual-action:  acting on the information you gather from taking daily inventories is the only way to make the change happen.  It's the move from knowing to "doing" that pulls you out of denial and returns you to a better state of awareness where you can see things as they really are.  

Denial really is more than just a river in Egypt.  It's a very important topic to tackle on your path to coping with stress.

Thanks to S J Pinkney for the great photo of "Sunset on the Nile"