Abdominal Breathing: Your Number One Tool for Fighting Stress

This month marks the achievement of 10 years for this blog and to celebrate we'll travel back in time to the very first blog entry in March of 2015 where we looked at the importance of abdominal breathing in the reduction of stress and anxiety.  You can find that blog entry here

There are so many good things that come from learning and practicing slow, relaxed, abdominal breathing that once you've experienced the benefits, you will keep this technique close at hand to help you in any stressful situation that leads to increased anxiety.

The benefits of abdominal breathing are plentiful.  On top of decreasing muscle tension, it lowers your blood pressure and heart rate, which are two of the most common symptoms experienced by individuals who have panic and anxiety disorders.  It also reduces the stress response and lowers the levels of cortisol steroids in the body, which tend to flood the system when a stress response is present.

In addition, slow relaxed breathing releases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals that relieve pain, reduce stress, and improve mood.  It also helps to reduce insomnia and improve sleep, as well as improve overall energy.  This kind of breathing helps get more oxygen to the lower third of the lungs, which helps overall bodily functioning, muscle tension, and getting needed oxygen into the tissues.

All of the benefits mentioned here are why most people turn to slow abdominal breathing as the first- choice method for reducing symptoms of panic, anxiety, and stress.  It requires no pills, gadgets, tools, or devices and costs nothing at all.  It is readily available and can become your number one mindfulness exercise with the fastest results.

So, using the link above, travel back to the first entry of this blog from ten years ago and see what you can do with your breathwork.  It's one way to gain more control over your symptoms and see for yourself the results of slowing your breathing.  

"Breathing in I calm my body.  Breathing out, I smile."     ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks to karoly czifra for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Abdominal Breathing: Relaxing the Stomach to Relieve Stress

If you suffer from anxiety, you may not realize that when your body responds to real or perceived danger, the fight or flight response triggers your tummy to flex and tense in order to either run from danger or to stay and fight it. 

When this happens the tense stomach muscle pulls in and as it does it pushes the diaphragm (a muscle sitting just below the lungs) upward, creating a crowded situation in your lungs.  You may notice in your symptoms of anxiety that your breathing becomes short and shallow and this is why, because there is much less room in the lungs for getting oxygen in.  An extreme example of this is hyperventilation, in which you breathe rapidly in very short and shallow breaths.

A remedy to help bring your symptoms of anxiety down is to focus on slow abdominal breathing, which requires you to relax the tummy muscle causing your lower abdomen to protrude a little.  As you do that the diaphragm muscle lowers and this creates a release of the pressure up under the lungs.  This can help bring fresh oxygen down and into the lower third of the lungs, which helps to refresh and relax the body.

For these reasons, focusing on slow abdominal breathing has become one of the fastest and most effective ways to lower your symptoms of anxiety in the moment, and particularly when it feels that your symptoms are escalating, such as during a panic attack.

Practicing your breathing techniques during times of no stress, for instance when you are at home and relaxed or meditating, can help you be ready and knowledgeable about what to do when under stress in a more difficult situation.  

Remember as well that the fight or flight response is triggered when there is real or perceived danger, so if you are not in real danger, then checking your beliefs is also important as just the belief that there is danger will create the same situation and the same shallow breathing.

So do your reality check, and then slow the breathing with well-practiced abdominal breathing.  To expand your knowledge about abdominal breathing, you can find my prior blog entry-- Abdominal Breathing-- here 

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.  Conscious breathing is my anchor."    ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks to Y Lamar Yancy for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Cognitive Reframing: Reducing Anxiety and Stress with a new Mindset

Perspective is the way we view things.  Our frame of reference.  And the way we see things is very important since it has a strong influence on the way we make our decisions and eventually end up feeling.  So making sure that the way we view things is as realistic as possible is key in reducing our stress and anxiety.

Cognitive Restructuring is the way that therapists help individuals learn to identify the types of faulty thinking styles they've been using, and once learned it's just called Cognitive Reframing, which is something you can do on your own in your everyday life.  It was developed by Aaron Beck, who was the same man that developed Cognitive therapy, and it's as easy as ABCDE...

Here's how it works:

A= Activating Event (i.e., an event or events is happening in your world)

B= Belief (i.e., you use faulting beliefs to filtering those events through your mind)

C= Consequences (i.e., negative feelings result from the way you think and filter the events)

D= Disputations (i.e., learning to dispute the negative thinking styles with facts and evidence)

E= Emotions (i.e., the new and more comfortable emotions you experience as a result)

Example:

A= Your boss gives you an evaluation and says that your could work a little bit faster

B= You filter that comment through a faulty belief that your boss never appreciates your work

C= As a result you start to feel depressed and angry and think about finding a new job

D= Then you challenge your belief by recalling your boss compliments you quite often

E= The result is a calmer feeling and a realistic awareness that one critique does not end all

Here is a link to read more about some of the most frequently used faulty thinking styles.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/ 

And yes, we all use some of them sometimes, and some of us use all of them sometimes!  Try to identify which of the faulty thinking styles you use most often and practice disputing them with more rational thinking.  What you will find in the end is that the way you feel can change and your stress and anxiety can find relief.

Thanks to Nikky for the great photo

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Getting our Priorities Straight: The Difference between Will and Willing

What does it mean to "have our priorities straight"?

The question basically asks each of us to look a little closer at what we are actually "doing" compared to what we are "saying".  If we place our health as one of the top priorities in our life, do our actions really reflect this?  Or are we spending our time eating poorly and sitting sedentary?

If we place our education or career-building at the top of the priority list, are we actually "doing" the things we need to do to make it happen?  Or are we spending our time on other things?

Not reflecting on our priorities can lead to neglect of some of the most precious things in our lives.  From loved ones to our everyday sense of peace.  That's why it's important to get our priorities straight and know what matters to us so we can make sure to carve out what limited time we each have on this planet, to make life what we want it to be.

If your stress reduction is of top priority to you, then it's important to get it at the top of your priority list--fast.  That means not just reading about the many great techniques out there for slowing down the breath, heart rate, and lowering blood pressure, but it also means the "actual doing".  Building the time into your schedule to learn things like meditation, sitting still, going for slow walks to synchronize your breath, taking a yoga class, and so on.  Talk is cheap, they say.  And they (whomever they are)  are right.  Doing...is the key.

So let's look at the difference between "will" and "willing".  If I am sitting in my chair and "willing" to get up out of it and go do something, I could be "willing" for years!  Sitting in a state of being "willing" to do something is not "doing".  I'm willing to do my laundry and housework right now, but that doesn't mean it's happening.  Yet.

So, moving our "willingness" to the next level is what "will" is all about.  "Will" is moving our desire to do something to the level of action, and therefore "do" the act, not just think about it.  Sometimes there is only one thing left to do... and that is the "doing".

Making your priority list is not the hard part.  Each of us seems to have a general idea of what we need to do and want to do to change our lives in the way we desire.  It's the "doing" that needs to happen next.  So you know what that means.  It means it's time to get going now.  No more reading about it.  No more asking about it.  No more talking about it.

Top priority!  You have an appointment with your top priority list.  What will you "do" next?

Thanks to Macro Verch professional photographer for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

The Relaxing Quality of Nature

As the world continues to advance and turn to technology to function, the human beings that create the technology search for ways to get back to nature and unplug whenever possible.  The goal is to not get bogged down in the gadgets that were initially meant to make life simpler, but that have instead, created a faster and more demanding world.

No matter how much technology has helped humans to simplify their lives, it has also reminded them that humans are still a part of nature, and also a part of all of the other living beings on this planet that move and function with the forces of nature.

In other words, humans are not the machines they create!  A human being continues to move with the seasons and the natural rise and set of the sun.  Humans need sleep, sunshine, and enough relaxation to renew the changing human body that works tirelessly sometimes to meet its needs.  That's why it's important for human beings to get back out and into nature whenever possible.

There is no debate that it's not natural for the human body to sit at a computer all day.  It's not even natural for it to sit at a desk all day.  For example, it's not natural for the human eyes to focus on an office wall or computer screen all day that is only inches or feet away.  The human eye is meant to look close and far, and sometimes within the same task, such as looking at the mountain tops in the distance and then at the flowers at one's feet.  It's important to step away from your desk now and then and aim your eyes at a distant target such as the horizon or distant landscape.

The human body begins to become unstable when it doesn't walk enough or stand enough or move enough.  And the various senses that the human body uses, need to be exercised frequently in order to stay sharp and function well.  Human instincts can't be sharp if they are not used for anything more than scrolling up and down a computer screen, or for typing.

When looking at what the various culprits are that contribute to your stress, measure the list of items that put demand on your body in the way we might put demand on a machine.  Machines are expected to function non-stop, repeatedly, and many times as fast as they can possibly function.  But human beings can't function that way for long.  Think of getting out and into nature as a way to recalibrate your body and instincts so as to help you remember you are human, and not a machine.

Thanks to Elisa Bracco for the wonderful photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Relaxation and the Power of Beliefs

The human being has a tremendous capacity to be influenced--and to influence--depending on beliefs.  What one believes will have direct bearing on what that individual does, says, teaches, and acts upon.  That's why what we believe needs to be filtered through some sort of reality check that has its finger on the pulse of fact, and at least on the notion of care for all life on earth.

What you believe is what becomes real to you and history has shown that the human being is flawed in its ability to always know what is real, or what is good for it and for human kind.  That's why it's very important to take frequent reality checks into your belief systems to determine what is superstition and what is faulty thinking--what is real and what is yet to be determined?  All will influence the outcome of your life, level of stress, and anxiety.  In addition, it can't be done in a vacuum.  Meaning, you must step outside of your circle, family, group, religion, friends, neighborhood,  and yes--your beliefs, in order to look around a little bit (visually, psychologically, mentally, emotionally) and see what's really going on.

It's always easy for most of us to observe the delusional quality of a cult-like group and its mesmerized members, but much harder for us to see when we ourselves are submerged in such a similar mentality.  Think of elections and your devotion to your political party.  Or your home team.  Or how blinders can come on when a member of your own circle (i.e., family, friend, community) has done something wrong.  Group think has been studied at length and proves that the human mind can be swayed, convinced, and moved to believe things that are not good for it or for others, and that may not even true.

These points are also true when it comes to the reasons that your body becomes anxious and tense.  In most cases, it's based on what you are believing at the present moment.  If you are truly in danger and your body is truly reacting to that danger, then there is no malfunction (i.e., what you believe and what you feel are real).  But when your thinking is faulty, the reaction can be faulty as well.  So anxiety and tension can frequently be attributed to false beliefs about danger that only exists in one's mind, but not in reality.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, people are challenged to take another look at their beliefs.  There are plenty of identified faulty thinking styles that are common with we humans.  Check out the list here and see if you can identify the ones you use the most.  We can't always know things conclusively, but we can work to dispute false beliefs, and search for evidence that those things we believe actually have some foundation to stand on.  It takes practice and time, so be patient with yourself.  We all have faulty thinking of some kind.  The goal is to clear up the fuzzy view the best you can in order to clear up anxiety symptoms that are happening for no realistic reason.

Faulty Thinking Styles:

Mental Filtering
Black and White Thinking
Overgeneralizing
Jumping to Conclusions
Catastrophizing
Personalizing
Control Fallacy
Fallacy of Fairness
Blaming
Shoulds
Emotional Reasoning
Fallacy of Change
Global Labeling
Always Being Right
Heaven's Reward Fallacy

You can find a free printable copy of these at the following link:
PsychCentral

Thanks to Charlie Sedanayasa for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Compromise: Reducing Stress by finding the Middle Ground

Polarization seems to be a growing fad in the United States, and even globally, really.  Opponents of one side of an issue dig in their heels and close their minds and ears to hearing from those who disagree with them, or who may have differing views to present.

A lot of stress is created when those who disagree with each other refuse to take steps to meet halfway.  This can only be done by means of the apparent lost art of compromise, which is something we are in short supply of lately.  Yet compromise could be the solution to a lot of situations that are leading to a growing amount of stress in communities across the country.  Learning about compromise and improving your skill at it can help you be a part of the solution in your own community, family, and workplace.  And we all know that getting things corrected in these smaller arenas leads to correction nationally.

Let's begin with the definition of compromise:  "an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions."  What does concessions mean?  It means that you give in a little bit by giving up something.  Notice that compromise is not that each side makes more demands, or more insistences, or is more forceful than the other side, or even attempts to "win" by any means possible.  Instead, a compromise is when opponents of BOTH sides of an issue, give up something in order to give in just enough to meet the other side halfway.  Also notice, it does not mean that just one side gives in, but that BOTH sides give in.

If Sue wants dinner at 7pm and Sarah wants dinner at 5pm, a compromise is to meet halfway and have dinner at 6pm.  If Bill wants a salary raise of $5000 a year and the budget suggests only $4000, maybe a compromise could be made to raise Bill's salary by $4500 to keep a good employee and not break the bank.  These kinds of compromises happen because each side is willing to give in a little bit (i.e., make concessions).

Where problems begin to happen is when one or both sides refuse to give up their demands and feel entitled to get their way without compromises.  In fact, more and more we hear the phrase, "We are not willing to make concessions."  Which is basically saying that one is not willing to give up anything at all in order to meet another halfway.

Here are some ideas to help you practice learning to compromise on a more frequent basis in order to prevent relationship or conversational problems from bogging down into stagnation.

*Before approaching a conflict, debate, conversation, ask yourself what areas of the topic or issue at hand you would be willing to give up or let go of a little, as these are the least significant areas in which you would have concessions to offer.

*Determine where your own moral and ethical boundary will be on any given issue so you know where you are able to give in a little and let some things go.  Don't dwell on what you refuse to give up, but on what you are willing to let go of.

*Try to determine in what areas you actually agree or could agree partially with any opposing view so that you are able to verbalize that you can see, or partially see, your opponent's point of view.  This is a place you can honestly say, "I give you that."  That is a concession.

*Keep the end goal in mind.  This helps you push yourself a little harder to try for a compromise instead of tossing the end goal out the window because you can't have your way.  The aim is to move things forward through compromise, not get bogged down in stubborn refusals.

Creating a system of compromise in your family, workplace and community helps to create a system that lets everyone know they will be treated fairly.  If only one person in the family, community or workplace always got their way and no compromises were ever made, others would feel slighted and only stress would follow.  Compromise is a great art to develop individually and collectively.  It's what democracy is all about.

Thanks to Amtecphotos for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Stress Management Techniques: Creating Your Own Program

Stress Management techniques are the set of methods each of us reaches for to manage stress in our lives.  Everyone has a different bag of tricks and not all techniques used for stress management fit everyone.  The important thing to know is that just having some stress management techniques to reach for is the first step in coping well when these life events arise.  To be unprepared is to ignore that sometimes life is stressful and to avoid healthy coping techniques is an invitation to anxiety, exhaustion, and depression.

Knowing your source of stress is a great place to begin.  It can be the job, the kids, health concerns, or any number of things that contribute to your daily stress.  If you have not yet identified what it is that leads to your stress, try to spend some time journaling about when your stress is more prominent or when it begins and ends.  This can help you identify where it's coming from.  Once you know the source or cause of your stress, you can identify what needs to change or what needs to be added to your life in order to better cope with the stress, reduce the stress, or completely eliminate the stress entirely.

Coping with the stress might mean that while staying in the stress, you practice ways to reduce your physical symptoms without removing yourself from the event.  For instance, you might learn breathing techniques that slow the breath and therefore slow the heart rate and blood pressure.  Reducing the stress can include breathing retraining used in coping with stress, but it might also include other kinds of adjustments such as reducing hours at work, reducing the frequency of exposure to stressful events, reducing productivity, and working with cognitive behavioral techniques to reduce the amount of time you worry.  Eliminating stress can mean that it might be time to let that current job go and find a better one with less pressure.  It can also mean moving if the area you live in is stressful and unlikely to change.  Eliminating stress means just that, removing it from your life and making a change for good.

Taking the time to develop a set of stress management techniques for yourself is well worth the time.  Once you know what works for you, it's easy to reach for and easy to apply.

Thanks to Dimitar Nikolov for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Social Support: How it can Reduce Stress

Though it's healthy to develop the ability to enjoy one's own company and have a certain skill in doing things alone, there is also a need to find emotional and psychological support from others, and spending time in the company of like-minds and familiar friends has been shown to result in the lowering of stress, anxiety, and depression.

In addition, isolation leaves us in the company of only one set of ideas... our own.  And if our ideas about life are negative or we tend to do a lot of catastrophic thinking, we have only ourselves to listen to day and night, and only our own catastrophic conclusions to come to.

That's why it's important to break out of our shell now and then and seek out the company of others-- be they friends, family, or new acquaintances, because it is in this occasional arena that we remember our human nature and the social aspect that comes with it.

Even if you are an introvert and need your down time to re-energize, too much isolation can only lead to more anxiety and stress since it does not offer any of the interactive human needs such as conversation, validation, support, encouragement, or many of the other perks that come from social interaction with other human beings.  The key for introverts is to know how much human interaction you need, and to set boundaries from there.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

*Consider taking a class at your local recreation center.  It's a way to meet other people and get out into the community where you hear the voices and opinions of others.

*Ask a coworker to lunch.  Even if it doesn't go well, you have introduced a new view and personality into your day, that is different from your own.

*Attend a meetup group that you find interesting.  Meeting others of like-minds and like-interests can lead to life long friendships.

*Call an acquaintance and ask them to lunch, dinner, or simply for coffee and conversation.

*Join a local competitive group such as softball, golf, chess, running, etc.  It really doesn't matter if you join to win, the point is getting involved and meeting others who do the same.

"We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone,... alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders."    ~Maya Angelou

Thanks to cuatrok77 for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Catastrophic Thinking: Challenging Faulty Thinking Styles

According to Terror Management Theory (TMT), we human beings go out of our way to avoid the reality that we will all, eventually, die.  Much of our everyday anxiety can be traced to this fear and the avoidance behavior that follows.  In fact, you've probably already felt unease by this photo of the famous sculpture, The Kiss of Death, which has a tendency to have mixed responses from viewers who are either drawn to it or repulsed.

Our fear of death can drive us to perform a lot of avoidance behaviors in life.  From avoiding a drive on the street closest to the cemetery, to drinking or using other substances to numb out from the reality that life has limitations and will not go on forever.  A healthier approach to the reality of death is to come to terms with it in a way that allows you to live your life as fully and meaningfully as possible without denying its eventual end.  Extreme avoidance of this reality can lead to delusional, faulty, and catastrophic thinking.

Many of the more common anxieties among humans stem from this typically unconscious fear of death, including the fear of traveling over bridges, the fear of heights, the fear of traffic, and the fear of dangerous animals.  But what really happens when fear takes hold is a faulty thinking style called Catastrophic Thinking.

In Catastrophic Thinking, people tend to leap from a first thought, such as, "What if the bridge collapses?", to a rapid set of thoughts that are unconscious, and which trigger each other like dominoes falling one on the other.  As the fear thoughts are triggered, they eventually end in a catastrophic thought such as, "I'll die", or "I'll be injured or unable to survive", or "I won't be able to handle it, and that  will be the end."

Catastrophic Thinking can be approached with a couple of coping skills.  First, we can practice something called Positive What Ifs, in which we rethink the fear thoughts and trigger a whole new set of feelings.  For instance, we might consider "What if the bridge does not fall?  Then what?"  This question promotes a new set of thoughts that like before, trigger each other like dominoes falling, but the end result is a thought such as, "Well, then I'd just walk across it and go on with my day."

Another approach to tackling Catastrophic Thinking is to use a scaling question in which a scale from 1 to 100 is used to rationalize the thinking.  On the scale, 100 represents the chances that the event will actually happen.  If you are 100% sure an event will happen, then you would rate the fear thought at 100%.  But if you use some rationalizing, then you would first ask questions such as, "If the bridge has been there for years and has never fallen, then the chances of it falling today when I walk over it are about 5% or less."  Realizing the rational helps lower fears and reduce the chance of catastrophic thinking, as well as the anxiety that would follow.

The thing to remember is that our brain is wired to be on the lookout for dangers because we have a survival instinct and fear death, but we can sometimes over-do it with our worry and begin to think our way into fearing death a little too much.  To believe that things are more dangerous than they really are is a form of faulty thinking, but we can reduce or minimize unnecessary faulty thinking by practicing our rational exercises and disputing negative thoughts.

Thanks to feistytortilla for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Reduce stress: Stop wanting things to be other than what they really are

In the forest, when a hunter fires his or her weapon, the shattering blast explodes in the silence of the gentle trees and streams.  The animals are startled and some stand frozen in place, wondering what danger has entered the boundaries of their otherwise safe and quiet home.

And so it is among us humans when another mass shooting has taken place.  Our modern "forests" are much louder, busier, and hectic; but we freeze all the same when the explosion of danger has entered the arena of what we had taken to be a safe and enjoyable surrounding.

So too, with the newest of public shootings occurring in Las Vegas, we can't help but be like the animals in the forest--startled, hyper vigilant, confused and afraid.

Yet, the reality of these events is something we cannot turn away from.  More than ever it's important for us to look even closer at what the problem could be and what we can do to try to remedy this increasing phenomena--which statistics show is now occurring more frequently and more severely with each new event?

If we are to help put an end to such events in the world, we have to begin within ourselves and deal with the issues festering inside each one of us.  Of the many suggestions that are sure to flood the stage in the aftermath of this event, I start by offering the suggestion that  we each try on this idea:

STOP WANTING THINGS TO BE OTHER THAN WHAT THEY REALLY ARE!

Look at your own life and ask yourself what things you personally are frustrated with because they just aren't going your way.  The boss "should" act a certain way, and isn't.  The kids "should" be more respectful, and aren't.  The traffic "should" roll more smoothly, and doesn't.  You "should" be getting paid more and fairly, and aren't.  The list is endless.  Whatever it is, you believe it should be going some other way than it is, and if it's not, then frustration sets in.

On a small scale, these are the seedlings of emotion that, when ruminated upon, can lead to violence that is expressed outwardly and into the world where others can get hurt.  If someone wants the world to go a certain way, then when it doesn't, frustration grows into anger, and anger become rage.  When an individual can't control how things are going in life,  they might try to find ways to gain control by any means.  That's why it's important that we teach the children of our society what tolerance is, and not just tolerance for others, but also for disappointments and let downs that are an inevitable part of everyone's life.

Both anxiety and depression can also be reduces with a focus on this task.  To believe that life will never have anxiety or depression is completely unrealistic, but knowing that life will have it's ups and downs, and that when things don't go your way, you can cope without feeding the fire by ruminations that convince you that life should be something other than what it really is at the moment.

Learn what you can "reasonably" change (non-violently), and never ever convince yourself that if you can't have what you want in life (i.e., if life is not going the way you want it to), that you must destroy something to show the world the magnitude of your frustration.

Thanks to jseliger2 for the great photo - frustration

All Things are Impermanent

The changing seasons are always a good reminder that nothing ever stays the same.  Everything changes.  When it's Summer, you can be sure, it won't be Summer forever; and when it's Winter, you can also be sure, it will eventually change into Spring.  And just as the seasons change, so does everything else.  Including our moods.

When Fall changes come and the days seem shorter as the number of hours of daylight decrease, many people fall victim to bouts of depression.  It's easy to get trapped into the belief that when in a depressed mood, one might never escape.  "I've been like this forever."  "Nothing ever changes it."  "It'll never get better."  But typically, moods change and you realize that episodes of depression don't last forever.  Depressions lift, moods change, and others will replace them in time.

These consistent human changes are true for anxiety as well.  When anxiety surfaces, it can be accompanied by over-generalized thoughts that include word descriptions of "permanence".  Such as, "this feeling will never stop", or "I'm always going to be this way."  They include words such as, "never", "always", "forever" and "never-ending".  But in reality, episodes of anxiety are also not permanent and in time, will change to something else.  When experiencing them, you can ease some of your cognitive suffering by reminding yourself, "This won't last forever", "It's not permanent", and, "This feeling will pass or change", etc.

Learning to sit through the discomfort of seasons (or moods) that are not particularly your favorite, is part of accepting reality as it is.  Does that mean you should never take medication for depression or anxiety?  Not at all.  That would be like saying you should never choose to use a blanket in the winter when the temperatures drop.  Medication, like a blanket, is a matter of choice, and sometimes survival.

The point is, to try not to get trapped in hopeless internal self-talk in which you convince yourself that whatever discomfort you may currently feel will last forever and that you will be a hopeless victim to it.  Just keep in mind that -- like the seasons -- all things change in time.  Including your current mood.

Thanks to Bernard Spragg. NZ for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/

Relaxing with Essential Oils

Essential oils are "volatile aromatic compounds", which means they are oils that can change states quickly from liquid to gas.  Many people use essential oils in a diffuser with water to disperse the aroma into a room in order to enjoy pleasant scents.

As you can imagine, this is a relaxing form of aroma therapy that has grown in popularity over the years.  It's a great way to relax and can make a wonderful addition to a meditative environment or spa-like room.

You can read more about aroma therapy here in my May 2015 blog entry.

If you are looking to create an environment that is suited for relaxation, using a diffuser to disperse your Essential Oils is a great idea.  But keep in mind, you can also disperse the aroma by many other means:

*Spray bottle
*Cotton ball or tissue
*Heated on the stove
*Used in the bath
*A few drops on your furnace filter
*In your Potpourri warmer
**Be sure to always read instructions carefully so you use the appropriate amounts in any of these
    given methods.

Introducing pleasant fragrances to any room can add to the relaxing environment, and we know that certain scents can trigger both memories and moods.

Thanks to Sulen Lee for the great photo

Can Buddha wear a Santa Claus hat? Stress Reduction for the Holidays

Over the years I've heard an increasing number of people express how much they "don't" like the holiday season anymore.  The reasons are varied: The crowds, the expectations for expensive gifts, the capitalism and marketing, that it comes earlier and earlier each year due to mass media and retail marketing ads, dealing with difficult relatives, the alcoholism and other substance abuse, or the greed and exploitation that surrounds the holidays.

There are arguments about which religion the holiday season really belongs to, or if it should belong to a religion at all.  The celebration of this seasonal time of year has its ancestral roots in ancient celebrations of the Winter Solstice and the observations by humans of the seasons, skies and earth.  In reality, this festive time of year belongs to all of us, from all walks of life, whether we celebrate it for celestial reasons, or religious ones.

One thing we've learned from our years of knowledge about stress reduction, is that letting go of control is a major component in learning to relax, and this can't be more true during the holiday season as most of us find ourselves wanting the holidays to be only what we think they "should" be.  But "peace on earth" doesn't come when we try to control others and make them celebrate the holidays the same way we do.  Peace comes from tolerating diversity, which is a reality that the 2016 Presidential election revealed is still shockingly slow to be learned in the United States.

It's hard sometimes to keep in mind that the holidays are supposed to be a time of peace, giving, and thinking of others, not necessarily of ourselves so much.  We can each find a meaning to the holiday season, and traditional forms of celebration build memories and repetition.  We must keep in mind that many people may celebrate the holidays differently, and yes, the Buddha can wear a Santa Claus hat, just as the "birth of the son/sun" can mean more than one thing this time of year.

In allowing others to celebrate the holidays as they so choose, we also honor our right to celebrate it as we so choose, and without hate, argument, conflict and demands.  There are many minds and cultures in this world and so too, many interpretations of what this festive time of year might mean.  Perhaps one thing we might all agree on is that we want it to be a peaceful and giving time of year.

"Our ability to reach unity in diversity
will be the beauty and the test
of our civilization"
     ~Mahatma Gandhi

Thanks to Justin Mazza for the great photo - Christmas Buddha 

Coping with Stressful News Events

As I write this blog entry, the world is absorbing the newest story of another mass shooting in the United States.  Considered the worst mass shooting in US history—the event at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando Florida, has once again shocked and stunned us all.  As with Columbine and the “Theater Shootings”, the media is rushing to cover the stories and bring us ongoing updates about the event.  Our hearts go out to the victim’s families, to the first responders, to the businesses that will be affected, closed, or those that may live in fear of copy-cat offenders, and to our community which has shown great strength and determination over the years to maintain pride and hard-fought-for rights.

When stories are reported of tragedy like this, or of other forms of murder, violence, pain, and of course mass killings, it can be quite stressful to listen to, especially if you are the kind of person who is mesmerized by the rapid reporting and constant flow of news that comes from “special updates” and “special reports” that may go on for hours.  Many have actually opted to not even listen to such news stories because it upsets them so much.  But we can’t close our ears and eyes to what’s happening around us in the world.  When crisis and tragedy strike, and the media is pumping our minds full of the play-by-play, gory details and play-backs of every police report and eye-witness, it’s important to have a game plan in place to limit unnecessary and repeated exposure to information, and then find positive outlets in which to send the energy generated by our fear, pain, disgust, and anger in a positive direction, where we can try to gain some sense of balance again in a sometimes confusing and unpredictable world.

First, when tragedy strikes and you’ve tuned into the TV or Internet to find out what’s going on, be sure to limit how long you are going to spend getting the basic information.  Watching the news, reading a few versions of the story, and possibly noting the basic photos among the media should be enough for you to get the basic story and details.  One thing you don’t want to do is stay tuned in to a non-stop bombardment of stories for hours on end of what they know now--that they also knew an hour ago, and an hour before that.

Second, don’t go to the other extreme of isolating yourself from the information completely.  We cannot hide from the reality of the world and doing so leaves us at risk of being a part of the crowd that never learns from tragedy because we refuse to experience our tiny part in it and learn the lessons it has to offer.  Get the stories and basic information, limit the time exposure you will allow for hearing repeated stories, and then let yourself begin to process the information.

Finally, once you’ve had some time away from the repeated media stories, you can processes how you feel and what you think of the information you have in order to decide what it means to you personally, what lesson or lessons it holds for you, and most importantly, what positive action you plan to take to make a difference in the world based on these conclusion.  For instance, as I type this, hundreds have lined up at various locations in Orlando to donate blood needed to help all the surviving victims of this most recent shooting.

Maybe you know a friend, neighbor or acquaintance in the community you can call or email to give your support, rather than sitting in front of hours more of upsetting news or just shaking your head believing it’s someone else out there that will do the comforting.  This is how we get out of our heads, where all the thoughts are swirling that lead to increased stress and anxiety.  

In the end, take positive steps to move forward and take part in making change in the world. Tragedies will continue to come.  How you react to them may make a big difference in your level of stress and anxiety

                  It was Gandhi who said, “Be the Change You want to see in the World”.

Thanks to  James Hill for the great photo - Pride

Sitting Still: The Power of Relaxation

According to Peter Russell, author of Waking Up in Time, our world continues to accelerate with each passing year, month, day and hour.  As the world’s pace gets faster and faster, humans feel compelled to find ways of keeping up with it. 

Let’s face it, if you don’t keep up, you can’t really function in some respects.  Take, for example, the need to keep somewhat savvy about computers, or to adhere to the use of credit cards and electronic banking.  Without these, most would be unable to set up the daily use of things need to function, such as access to daily news and on-line job applications, or as equally important, the ability to communicate quickly by means of cell phones and texting.

There is a growing demand on us to hurry and rush as soon as we set our feet on the floor each morning.  Yet, despite the reality of these growing demands on us—and actually, because of them—it is all the more clear that there is a need to counter balance this growing pace with useful coping techniques that can help us find balance in a world that is spinning too fast sometimes.  We can choose to create our own daily schedule that has pockets of time in which we can go at our own pace.

The increasing pace of the world has also left many people with a restlessness about them.  It's not uncommon these days for people to feel uncomfortable with sitting still.  Literally... just sitting still.  Stillness not only seems unfamiliar to many, but leads to an internal dialogue that sounds something like this:  "This is a waste of time!", "There are so many other things I need to do", "I don't have time for this", etc.

In addition, our bodies have been so conditioned at this point to go go go, and been prodded to have endless tasks, chores, events and work, that we become restless with the very thought of sitting still.

That said, it's obvious that building some stillness back into one's life may need to be taken in small bits.  Reintroducing some time to simply sit in stillness may have to begin with just 5 minutes.  That's enough to start and can always be increased if you feel your getting somewhere.  Think of it as just what the doctor ordered, as the Zen saying goes:  "For quick, fast-acting relief, try slowing down."

Thanks to Balint Foldesi for his great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Abdominal Breathing: A way to reduce Anxiety and Stress

One of the original blog entries for this site was on the topic of how abdominal breathing helps to reduce stress and anxiety.  You can read that blog entry here  Abdominal Breathing: Your Secret Weapon Against Symptoms of Anxiety

Because that blog was so popular, it’s clear that many people are interested in information about using abdominal breathing to help them reduce stress and anxiety, and it’s a good thing, because it works very well.

Many times people will try abdominal breathing and feel it’s either too hard, or they will judge themselves and believe they are doing it wrong.  Usually, the reason it feels difficult or wrong is because stressful breathing has become habitual at that point and most likely has replaced natural and normal breathing patterns.  You could say that the unnatural breathing has become the new normal, or at least what feels normal.  Un-learning the bad form of breathing will feel unnatural at first, even difficult, but you can become better at it with practice.

It helps to understand that the diaphragm is a muscle that sits below the rib cage and when you flex your tummy, the tight muscles push the diaphragm upward and into the bottom of your lungs, thus crowding the lower part of the lungs.  This pressure under your lungs leaves less room for air to enter, so you get less air and tend to breathe more into the upper chest, which is more like hyperventilating than really breathing in a relaxed way. 

If you relax your tummy instead, and even let it pooch out a little when you breathe in, this lowers the diaphragm and allows the lower part of the lungs to relax downward and fill with more fresh air.  This brings more oxygen into the body with every inhalation, and takes more toxic carbon dioxide out with each exhalation.  For a while, you may have to consciously work at extending your tummy each time you breathe in, and consciously push your tummy inward each time you exhale, just until this starts to become more natural and the new normal.   

Take it slow and be patient with yourself.  Most of all, stop believing those false social norms that say you should suck or hold your gut in or try to flatten your stomach by holding your breath or flexing your stomach all the time.  Those false beliefs only make you more tense and perpetuate even more unhealthy breathing.

Thanks to Robert Couse-Baker for the great photo - The Winds of Spring

Biofeedback for Stress and Anxiety

Biofeedback has been around a long time and is a great way to become more aware of how your body reacts to stress and anxiety.  It also helps you discover what you can do to train your body to respond differently and in ways that are less stressful for both your body and mind.

When you are learning Biofeedback, you are hooked up to various sensors—such as a sensor to measure perspiration, or a sensor to measure muscle activity—that then feed this information back to recording or measuring devices that you can see or hear.  These devices let you know how you are doing and can be viewed on a computer screen or light, or perhaps via an auditory response like a tone or other sound.  Many times the feedback might just be a number to let you know how high or low, good or bad, strong or weak a signal is.

One example of biofeedback is to have a headband of electrodes placed on the forehead that measures the muscle activity in the face.  This is a great method for discovering if you hold tension in your facial muscles and can help you realize subtle things, like that you squint your eyes when you are thinking too hard, or it may pick up on activity that allows you to know that you clench your teeth when you are asked about work, which could explain the tension you keep having in your jaw or the headache you keep coming home with each night.

Once the biofeedback information is known, then you have data to help you zero in on specific relaxation techniques that can be used to remedy the problem.  For instance, if you discover that you clench your jaw, you can begin practicing activities during your day that help you stay aware of your jaw clenching and how to release the tension there frequently and repeatedly throughout your day.

There are biofeedback counselors across the nation who are trained to help you with your stress and anxiety.  Some can be found via the "practitioners" link through The Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback, Inc., or you can find a number of devices to monitor your own biofeedback by doing a Google search for "biofeedback home units". 

Gaining insight into the way your body might be unconsciously reacting to stress is extremely helpful in knowing what steps can be taken to remedy the problem.

Thanks to Faraz Kahn for the above image - Biofeedback

Reading for Relaxation

It is well known that many people can’t seem to shut the lights off and go to sleep at night unless they’ve first sat back and relaxed with a good book.  Something about that down time helps to get the body calm and in “sleep mode”.  But the calming results from reading are not just for bedtime.  Taking a good book with you on your lunch break, while passing the time at the library, or just sitting at the park, is a great way to settle the body down and relax.

The entire process of reading a good book requires that we slow down physically, hold still, and settle the body into a relaxed position.  As we read, our heart rate begins to slow down, breathing slows and stabilizes, and muscle tension begins to relax as our attention is captured in the story line of our reading material.

In addition, the process of reading directs the mind to a point of concentration, which prevents distraction by all of the other potential worry thoughts that compete for our attention throughout the day. 

When selecting reading as your mode of relaxation, be picky of the material you choose.  There is a time and place for taking in the news of the day, or reading other business or personal information that has the potential to upset you.  But when choosing reading material for your relaxation time, be sure it is something you enjoy.  A novel, a magazine of special interest, or poetry if that is what relaxes you the most.  What matters is that it's material that captures your mind and soul.  

Thanks to Nadine Heidirch for the great photo - Reading

Reducing Stress with Mantra Meditation

Meditation is a way of clearing the mind by focusing one's attention on a single thing.  There are many forms of meditation, such as seated meditation, standing meditation, walking meditation, visualization, and chanting meditations.   

Mantra Meditation is a form of meditation that uses the power of words to direct the mind to one single point where the use of a key word, or words, helps the individual to focus on a specific issue, topic, or area of personal growth.  The word, or words, can be thought of internally, or chanted externally, depending on the preference of the person meditating.

An example of Mantra Meditation, which was described by Thich Nhat Hanh, is to think or say the word "calm" while inhaling during meditation, and then think or say the word "smile" while exhaling.  Another mantra that can be used while doing your seated meditation, or throughout one's day while driving or working, is to repeat to yourself, "I am calm and peaceful".  

One of the most well known and most ancient forms of Mantra Meditation is to chant, say, or think the word "Om" while meditating.   Om is considered to be one of the most sacred mantras and is frequently used at the beginning of other sacred prayers or mantras, such as Om mani padme hum, a well known mantra used in Hindu and Buddhist prayer and meditation.

The great thing about using Mantra Meditation is that you can customize it to your personal needs.  For instance, if you are working on building your self esteem, you can meditate while focusing on the phrase, "I value myself.  I value others.  I value the world".  Or if you are working on your own anger management you can use a metta meditation which goes something like this:  "May all beings be happy.  May I be happy.  May all beings be peaceful.  May I be peaceful.  May all being be free.  May I be free", etc.  You get the picture.

Mantra meditation is very powerful.  One of the most powerful things it does is keep you from running the usual flow of negative thoughts that may traditionally run through your mind.  It's a very conscious and intentional practice and with time you can get very good at it.

Thanks to Hartwig HKD for the great photo - Amitabha