Falling Well: Finding your ability to Cope under pressure

Who are you when the going gets rough?  And are you prepared if life gets even rougher?  How will you handle it?  What will you discover about yourself?

We actually have no idea what version of ourselves we will discover in a given situation until we are actually in it.  Will we be brave?  Or run like hell?  And will we be able to tell if and when either one of those responses is or was the right one for us personally.

Catastrophic Thinking is one of the ways we walk ourselves right into a mental corner and become convinced that under certain circumstances we won't be able to cope with a given situation if it were to occur.  We say to ourselves, "I won't be able to handle it."  "That will be too much for me."  "I'm sure that would be the point of no return."  "I can't do it."

One method for countering this kind of thinking is to "decatastrophize" the situation by using a few thought experiments in which you walk a little farther into the situation in your mind and imagine that instead of being paralyzed into inaction, you find your way out.  In other words, rather than allowing your mind to just shut down at the thought of imagining the worse-case scenario, to instead visualize seeing yourself handling the situation to the best of your ability.  Even if it means hardship.

With Catastrophic Thinking we tend to overestimate danger, and underestimate our ability to cope with it.  For instance, as we age we might become fearful of falling.  This can lead to an overestimation of how bad a fall would be, how much damage might come from such a fall, and an underestimation of our ability to handle both the fall and any injuries that might come from the fall.  But a thought experiment, including information about the ways athletes fall and martial artists learn to roll or prevent injury during falls, can give us material to come back to our thinking and imagine a way in which we might cope much better during a fall than we ever imagined.  The Catastrophic thought can be decatastrophized and you create a way in your mind's-eye to see yourself "falling well".  And not only falling well, but recovering from any fall injury, well.

Decatastrophizing includes avoiding the overestimation of danger by looking at our fears more realistically.  This can be used in any number of situations in life where we can reinterpret the situation and see a more realistic view with possibilities and better outcomes.  It also means a more realistic look at our ability to cope in life, based on our history, skills, advanced reasoning, and a better estimation of our ability to stay in the game and cope well in many situations.

Take a look at your most frequent recurring fears and ask yourself if you are overestimating the danger and underestimating your ability to cope.  Rather than continuing to fall into the Catastrophic trap of believing you cannot ever allow bad things to happen because you wouldn't be able to handle it, try on the thought experiment of decatastrophizing the situation in your mind.  It makes all of the difference in the world between becoming paralyzed with fear, and pushing your comfort zone.  

You can read more about Catastrophic Thinking and Faulty Thinking Styles from my March, 2018 blog entry here

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do"     ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks to Lisa Ann Yount for the great image, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/deed.en

COVID-19: Perseverance and Stress

If you are treading water right now just to keep your head above water, you are not alone.  All across America, people are struggling to regain their balance from the foundational shake that COVID-19 has brought to the country.  What's the most important thing to keep at the forefront of your mind during this crisis?  It is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not give up!  Perseverance is important not only because giving up won't solve, or even help a problem, but it's also important because you won't find out how strong you really are if you give up.

We frequently hear about the importance of resilience as a trait that helps people bounce back from trauma or hardship.  But what about the skill of endurance?  Endurance is when we demonstrate the ability to sustain a difficult situation for a prolonged period of time.  And that is what COVID-19 is asking of us all.  That is--enduring quarantines, and showing the staying power we find within ourselves to withstand Stay-at-Home orders whenever they are put in place.

Endurance also has a lot of determination and consistency in it.  With COVID-19 we are repeatedly asked to show consistent behavior of change when it comes to not touching our face, and washing our hands, or not shaking hands, and keeping a six foot distance from those around us.  But the virus situation has also lead to economic scare and financial fears, anxieties and insecurities that will also require staying power.  You might be about to discover how much you can live without and it's very important that you face these challenges to the best of your ability.

One thing that keeps us from finding our inner sense of endurance and staying power is Catastrophic Thinking.  In this kind of faulty thinking we not only imagine the worst case scenario (something life-threateningly dangerous), but we also add to that imagined scenario the belief that we would never be able to handle the worst case scenario.  "I'd lose my job and income, and then I'd not be able to support my family, and then I'd lose the house, and then we'd have to move to a smaller place", and so the line of continuous downward spiraling thoughts go.

What's not considered in this kind of thinking is the idea that even if things got that bad, you might discover (with staying power and determination) that you actually could survive these difficult situations.  They would not be pleasant or enjoyable, and of course, no one wants them to happen.  But if they did happen, consider the idea that you could survive them.  You still have all your fingers and toes after job loss, and you can still live and breathe in a smaller living area, and you could live on less, and so on.

Marathon runners know all about endurance, but so do those who are oppressed.  The runners literally know how to keep putting one foot in front of the other and the oppressed have no choice but to put one tired and frustrated, psychological and emotional foot in front of the other.  Both teach us that giving up is not only unwise, but also not necessary.  You can survive this difficult time, through all of its anxieties and hardships.  And in doing so you will discover a side of yourself that you never knew was there all along.  If your anxiety is taking hold and fear is setting into your bones--be it about illness or poverty--, challenge your Catastrophic Thinking right now and put a stop to allowing hopelessness to take root.  You are so much more than you think you are, and capable of twice as much.

Thanks to Gabriel S. Delgado C. for the dynamic photo.
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

COVID-19 Corona Virus: Awareness of Terror Management Theory

No  matter where we are or what we are doing, there is an awareness we carry--be it conscious or unconscious--that our lives will eventually end in death.  And there are plenty of things we do to try to comfort ourselves when the awareness of this truth comes too close to consciousness.  Terror Management Theory (TMT) is the study of this phenomenon, and it has much to tell us about our human behavior when it comes to awareness of death.

In light of the recent COVID-19 (Corona Virus) pandemic that has taken the world's humans by the psychological throat and rendered them terrified beyond belief, it is important that we try to better understand what we are doing as humans and how our brains function , yes.  But more importantly,  how they can frequently function with flaw and error.

Terror Management Theory originally derived from Ernest Becker and his book The Denial of Death, but it is championed today by three main researchers:  Jeff Greenberg, Sheldon Solomon, and Tom Pyszczynski.  Together they have come up with some fascinating research about our awareness of death and how it influences our behavior, and more specifically, our beliefs.

Take, for instance, the current human behavior regarding information about the COVID-19 virus. It is safe to say that people are scared.  Just the information and updates about global deaths occurring from the virus has everyone on edge.  Behavior has been altered as evidenced in the buying out of toilet paper, food products, and the stocking up on disinfectant cleaners and hand sanitizers.

But at the heart of all of this is a human behavior that has been studied and identified by the three researchers named above, who together wrote the book, The Worm at the Core:  On the Role of Death in Life.  Basically what they have to say is that our current behavior tends to be affected by our current awareness of our inevitable death.  And at any given time, we may therefore use a bundle of tactics to wipe that awareness from our current awareness simply to maintain a sense of human functioning and self-esteem.  Of course, this makes sense, as it is very hard to maintain a sense of meaning and goal-oriented functioning when we are constantly aware that our own life and the lives of others we may know and love, will eventually end.

What's interesting in their studies, however, is that when we are made more aware of our inevitable death, such as we are now with the daily bombardment in the media regarding COVID-19, our behavior alters because this information clashes with our basic survival instincts.  What they found in their work is that humans prefer to push awareness of death as far away from awareness as possible, and when people are struggling to do this--such as now, due to the introduction of death awareness via the nightly news--they tend to begin using faulty thinking and behavior.

For instance, we begin to make up ideas and beliefs about how we don't really ever die.  Such as reincarnation, life-after-death, and an ongoing future existence in an after-realm.  In addition, we begin to seek out only those that think just like we do, which the research has found, leads to bigotry and prejudice.  So basically, we begin to "manage our terror" of death in these faulty ways, as a form of self-created survival instinct.  Our human confusion and conflict between "terror of death" and "instinct to survive", looks for ways to solve it.  Interestingly, the human brain begins to make mistakes about reality just so-as to convince itself there is plenty of reason to keep focusing on the "instinct to survive".  We give ourselves false hope by making up scenarios in which death never comes.

Why is this important now?  In the face of the COVID-19 virus?  It's important because we need to realize as human beings that we can be aware of our inevitable death AND also function with our survival instincts on a daily basis, WITHOUT falling into the trap of faulty thinking.  More toilet paper and food in the freezer will not eventually put an end to death.  But embracing reality (i.e., that death eventually comes), can instead help us to live more in the present moment.  Though we may understandably have an awareness that death comes, we may also know that in the present moment "I am alive and breathing".  In moderation, we can prepare for illness, quarantine if necessary, and yes... even prepare for death if it comes.  But we cannot stop death and we cannot wish it away with a mythological fantasy.

In some forms of Buddhism, monks might be asked to meditate while seated in a field next to a decomposing body.  Each day, they return to meditate in the vicinity of this decaying human body in order to help them see that death comes to all of us.  Even to the meditating monk.  Eventually the monk becomes aware of much more than death.  They become aware that the only place life truly exists, is in the present moment, and in each breath.  Existentially, awareness of death can make us more aware of the urgency of life.  Terror Management Theory study can help us see the ways in which we try to deny awareness of death, and try to convince ourselves it will never happen to us.

In the face of COVID-19, work to remind yourself that death is real and does come in time to us all.  It doesn't mean you don't take precautions to protect yourself and others by washing your hands and not touching your face.  It doesn't mean that you don't quarantine when necessary or avoid some social gatherings for awhile.  It doesn't mean you don't stock up (in moderation) on enough food and supplies to be in that quarantine if necessary.  And it doesn't mean you act as if this precious one life is not worth protecting and prolonging.

What it does mean is that we can breathe into the awareness that some things in life we cannot control.  But we can breathe into this very moment and know we are here and alive RIGHT NOW!  We don't have to trick our mind into believing things that aren't true just so we can sleep at night.  It is possible to be aware of the reality of life (and death) limitations, as well as live each moment to its fullest.  Approaching the COVID-19 virus situation with moderation is a sound decision.  Stock up if you need to.  Wash your hands and disinfect, as you should.  But know that death comes, and... you can live with that awareness.

Here are some helpful videos about Terror Management Theory (TMT) and Corpse Meditation:

Stephen Caves:  The 4 Stories we tell ourselves about death
https://www.ted.com/talks/stephen_cave_the_4_stories_we_tell_ourselves_about_death?language=en

Sheldon Solomon:  How Death Affects Everything You Do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=N9D6TW2CjhE

Corpse Meditation (The Washington Times)
https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2005/jan/3/20050103-123230-5077r/

Thanks to Mathias Ripp for the great photo from Bamberg Germany
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Catastrophic Thinking: Challenging Faulty Thinking Styles

According to Terror Management Theory (TMT), we human beings go out of our way to avoid the reality that we will all, eventually, die.  Much of our everyday anxiety can be traced to this fear and the avoidance behavior that follows.  In fact, you've probably already felt unease by this photo of the famous sculpture, The Kiss of Death, which has a tendency to have mixed responses from viewers who are either drawn to it or repulsed.

Our fear of death can drive us to perform a lot of avoidance behaviors in life.  From avoiding a drive on the street closest to the cemetery, to drinking or using other substances to numb out from the reality that life has limitations and will not go on forever.  A healthier approach to the reality of death is to come to terms with it in a way that allows you to live your life as fully and meaningfully as possible without denying its eventual end.  Extreme avoidance of this reality can lead to delusional, faulty, and catastrophic thinking.

Many of the more common anxieties among humans stem from this typically unconscious fear of death, including the fear of traveling over bridges, the fear of heights, the fear of traffic, and the fear of dangerous animals.  But what really happens when fear takes hold is a faulty thinking style called Catastrophic Thinking.

In Catastrophic Thinking, people tend to leap from a first thought, such as, "What if the bridge collapses?", to a rapid set of thoughts that are unconscious, and which trigger each other like dominoes falling one on the other.  As the fear thoughts are triggered, they eventually end in a catastrophic thought such as, "I'll die", or "I'll be injured or unable to survive", or "I won't be able to handle it, and that  will be the end."

Catastrophic Thinking can be approached with a couple of coping skills.  First, we can practice something called Positive What Ifs, in which we rethink the fear thoughts and trigger a whole new set of feelings.  For instance, we might consider "What if the bridge does not fall?  Then what?"  This question promotes a new set of thoughts that like before, trigger each other like dominoes falling, but the end result is a thought such as, "Well, then I'd just walk across it and go on with my day."

Another approach to tackling Catastrophic Thinking is to use a scaling question in which a scale from 1 to 100 is used to rationalize the thinking.  On the scale, 100 represents the chances that the event will actually happen.  If you are 100% sure an event will happen, then you would rate the fear thought at 100%.  But if you use some rationalizing, then you would first ask questions such as, "If the bridge has been there for years and has never fallen, then the chances of it falling today when I walk over it are about 5% or less."  Realizing the rational helps lower fears and reduce the chance of catastrophic thinking, as well as the anxiety that would follow.

The thing to remember is that our brain is wired to be on the lookout for dangers because we have a survival instinct and fear death, but we can sometimes over-do it with our worry and begin to think our way into fearing death a little too much.  To believe that things are more dangerous than they really are is a form of faulty thinking, but we can reduce or minimize unnecessary faulty thinking by practicing our rational exercises and disputing negative thoughts.

Thanks to feistytortilla for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/