Stress Free Realistic Goals

It's a new year and maybe you made all sorts of resolutions in hopes of bettering your life.  It's never a bad idea to have good intentions for the future, especially if they mean growth and self-improvement.  Exercise, weight loss and improving one's diet are all at the top of the list each year for most people. In fact, the month with the highest number of new gym memberships is January. 

But statistics also reveal that only 25% of people who make these resolutions are still actually committed to the task after just one month, and January is also the month with the highest number of gym membership cancellations.  So yes, you heard that right.  It all happens that fast.  We see the new year coming, and the gyms see it too.  So they offer lots and lots of deals in December while everyone is buying gifts and wanting to set new goals.

That means at the writing of this blog entry in late January, 2025, you and many others like you are already losing your mojo and maybe even wanting your membership refunded.  You could be losing your drive for many other kinds of goals you set for yourself at the start of the new year.  

So what happens that causes many of us to get that inspirational drive to see the changes we want to make, set the goals and put things in place to reach them, but then lose whatever that energy was that set a fire under us to being with?

If you needed to climb a tall staircase and while standing at the bottom you focused only on that top step, you might lose your desire to begin the climb in the first place.  But if you divided the staircase into parts and set 4 different goals, the task might seem a little simpler if you only looked up that staircase 4 steps at a time.  Goal one is to reach step four, goal two is to reach step eight, goal three is to reach step twelve and the final goal is to reach the last step at the top.

Our new resolutions and goals can be seen this way in that if all we see is the final weight loss goal, or the final change we want to see (overnight) in our diet plan, or the newly changed exercise plan we want our body to be doing in the next 24 hours, then of course we can become discouraged fast as we discover, change doesn't come that fast.  Change takes time and any situation we are in today took a long time to reach.  So it will take time to change as well.

If you are reaching the end of January and already feeling discouraged about your new goals, rather than label the whole task as a failure, consider the idea of regrouping and restarting with a new approach.  Break the task down into smaller sections with each section being its own goal.  Rather than an entire diet change (overnight), consider adding or subtracting one thing you'd like to try to change in your diet first.  Such as cutting out just 500 calories a day, or reducing the amount of sugar you take in, or cutting down on just one cup of coffee a day, and so on.  Yes, the goal is to eventually stop the coffee completely, or cut out the sugars entirely, or get the caloric intake down much further than 500 calories a day, but the smaller goal may be more reachable.  Reach for step 4 on the staircase first, and leave the top step for later.

If your goal is to exercise more, regroup and restart by setting realistic goals such as just trying to go for a 15 min walk each day sometime before bed, rather than "I'm going to start running five miles a day and it must be first thing in the morning", or "I must workout for an hour a day starting now", even though you don't really have an extra hour a day to give.  Let the 15 min walk be your equivalent of just aiming for the fourth step on the staircase.  Letting the higher goals be later steps.

Thinking of your new goals as themes instead of resolutions can also ease the pressure to perform and allow the new goals to have aim but not demand.  Reachable goals bring success, not failure.  They are also a lot less stressful and your drive tends to be higher for things you know you can successfully do.

If you feel more discouraged than driven toward your goals as 2025 moves forward, consider regrouping and restarting with reachable and realistic goals.  Muscle is built over time and so is weight loss.  New habits are developed slowly with repetition, not by the flip of a switch.  Take it easy and try again.  Don't give up!

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act; the rest is merely tenacity"     ~Amelia Earhart

Thanks to ray explores for the great photo, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Reducing Stress: Seeing your New Year Resolutions through to the End

It's a new year and fresh starts are always a clean slate, allowing a way to put some things behind you and begin again. 

According to a new survey from Forbes Health, the top resolutions for 2024 are to improve fitness, finances and mental health.  So it's clear that people really want to do well, take care of themselves, stay out of debt and feel better emotionally and psychologically.  But where do we begin?

Reaching these kinds of goals takes a lot of determination and consistency in behavior and schedule.  So finding ways to approach the problems of inconsistency and broken schedules is a great place to begin.  In other words, how to stay on track with your new goals and themes for the year.

Here is a simple method to consider:  First, limit the plan to as few items as possible.  Second, keep the goal and expectation within reach (even a little low if necessary).  Third, place expectations and consistency at an equal level.  So the summary of the plan is:  A) few items, B) expectations within reach, and C) keeping expectations and consistency equal.

So here is an example:  Let's say you want to lose 10 pounds.  The first step is to keep that simple, not decide it also includes joining a gym, running 5 miles a day to reach it, altering your entire diet, and increasing the number of times you walk the dog a day to increase steps all to reach the goal of losing 10 pounds.  Instead, the simple goal is just one goal, and that is to drop 10 pounds.  

Next, you want to set the expectations for your 10 pound weight loss within reasonable reach.  Calculating a reasonable number of pounds to drop per week, how to do that based on caloric intake and caloric burning, and determine a reasonable amount of activities or diet restrictions that can actually be reached on a daily and weekly basis.  The key wording her is "reasonable expectations" of yourself and the diet, not unreasonable or even impossible.

Finally, you would determine what you can reasonably do on a consistent basis to reach these tasks and goal.  Such as how far you can reasonably run if not 5 miles a day, and how many sit up or miles walked can your reasonably or actually fit in to your busy schedule without overloading yourself and starting to fail at the  task?

Last year I wrote about setting "themes" for your New Year instead of "resolutions" or "goals".  With that in mind, set these new target activities in your life as themes to focus on and not some end-all place to reach.  Especially when it comes to tasks like dieting, where it's the lifestyle that is to change on a regualr basis and not just a number that is to be reached.

If your goal is to spend less money.  Try outlining that goal with this three-part plan.  One, keep it simple.  Don't try to stop your daily latte', plus cut your grocery bill in half, plus cut out your Amazon shopping, and have your cable disconnected all at once.  Start with something small that helps you learn to discontinue one thing consistently.  If that item is within a reasonable level of expectation and you know you can do it, then try the easier task first.  If, say, you just focus on cutting out the daily latte' and have a pretty good idea that that first goal is reachable, and that you can easily reach that expectation of yourself, then let that be enough at first.  Being able to show yourself you can cut that item out over time leads to an overall feeling of success, which sets you up to try a second item on your financial goals list.

Whatever changes you have decided to tackle for the New Year, make sure they are simple, reachable, and you feel confident you can stay steadily after them until you reach success.

You can see my previous blog entry about ways to stick to your New Years resolution here.

"Motivation is what gets your started, habit is what keeps you going."    ~Jillian Michaels

Thanks to Nan Fry for her great image, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

New Year's Resolution: Make it a Theme

January brings with it a reset point where many people make New Year's resolutions in hopes of making changes in their lives for the year to come.  However, it's no secret that many resolutions are set in January, broken by February, and nowhere to be seen beyond that point.  Like most goals, if we set them too high, or see only the finish line instead of the many steps to achieving them, they are doomed to fail before they begin.

In fact, a New Year's resolution might be the wrong way of looking at setting new goals for the year, and the pressure can come off when we change these goals and resolutions to "themes". 

Setting themes for the year can allow for progress instead of failure as we turn instead to focus more intently on what we want to change in our lives.  Themes help us pay attention to our intention for change and to keep in mind throughout the year what it is that our focus really is. 

Three of the top 10 New Year's resolutions are about health.  That is:  lose weight, exercise more, and quit smoking.  We can set goals to reach a set weight, exercise a certain number of times per week, or cut down to a certain number of smokes by a certain date.  All of which could turn into failure within a matter of days or weeks if we can't hold to it.  Or, we could also set the themes in motion come January 1st, that meal-time focus will have more intention and better food choices, movement will become something we build right into our lives (such as parking farther from entrances and exits, and taking stairs), and finding other things to do besides going for another smoke, even while lugging our cigarettes around, so as to experience what it's like to say no to self-destructive behavior.

Expanding into travel, new hobbies and adventure are also in the top 10 New Year's resolutions, but it's not uncommon to book things at a time when we feel good and not feel much like doing them when that booked event comes around.  We can also try to force ourselves into events and adventures when the money is not always available nor is the time.  But if we think of these ideas more along the lines of themes, we can put out an intention in the new year to look for adventure when it feels like it fits the schedule, budget and energy level.  This can lead only to success instead of failure and by December we will be able to reflect on the year and know we accomplished a lot more than we thought we might.

A resolution has a lot of determination in it, as well as a lot of push and pressure from within.  But a theme has an intention, and intention gives us an aim, like a compass point we try to sail our ship toward throughout the year.  A theme also has a lot less chance for failure because it's not really a goal that we are setting, but a new place to center our focus in everything we do in the coming year. 

For your "New Year's resolution" consider taking some contemplative time to reflect on what themes you'd like to focus your mind on in the upcoming year.  What would you like to pay more attention to?  What will be your top 3 themes for 2023?

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.       ~Lao Tzu

Thanks to Jesper Sehested for the great photo

Striving for Peace: A way to reduce Stress and Tension

The New Year is coming.  2021!  And there is a lot of potential for peace in it.  The reason is because it's not hear yet and so we can set our intention on making it a peaceful year.  It's all in knowing what we want to accomplish.  

Setting an intention has a slightly different flavor to it than setting a goal or a resolution.  An intention indicates that something is the aim, and all efforts that follow will keep that aim in mind.

If we have a certain intention, then "most" of the activity and energy we apply in that direction is for the purpose of that intention, and therefore, we try to avoid activity and energy that is not going to serve that intention.  So having an intention to make 2021 a peaceful year should be full of activity that strives for peace.  You won't do it perfectly and yes, you will slip up.  But the idea is to move in that direction for the most part.

There is an area of study called "Peace studies", or sometimes called "Peace and Conflict studies."   The Institute for International Peace Studies at Notre Dame defines "peace" as "not just the absence of war", but also as "the presence of the conditions of a just and sustainable peace, including access to food and clean water, education for women and children, and security from physical harm."  In other words, there is "negative" peace, which is the absence of direct violence; and there is "positive" peace, which is the presence of justice.

So we have to look at the direction of our intention when we say we are striving for peace.  I'm sure many of us have heard ourselves and others claim we want peace, but then our actions and behavior don't necessarily seem intended toward something that looks like peace in the end.  To strive toward negative peace, we have to discontinue our own forms of violence, and to strive toward positive peace, we have to strive toward justice of many kinds.

Bringing peace to your daily life includes bringing peace to your community, including your home, neighborhood, town and city.  So as you approach 2021, try to set your intention on less violence in all of its many forms, while also moving toward actions that support justice, which means acting in accordance with "moral rightness based on ethics"--and that includes fairness.

If you want to be a part of a peaceful 2021 it's going to mean taking a look at yourself and your own daily thoughts and behavior.  If you find yourself thinking you are not a part of the problem, sit with that for a moment and try to dig a little deeper.  Look until you see a human place where you can change for the better and be a part of the solution. 

Thanks to John Attebury for the great photo (quote added), https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Reducing Stress: Putting your New Year's Resolution on the schedule

New Year's resolutions get a bad rap.  Sometimes folks are afraid to even make them for fear they will be broken before January 31st.  Many fitness centers know this drill well.  New membership rises just after the first of the year and new arrivals fill the centers with people full of vigor and determination.  But by February and March, the facilities fall back to normal attendance as all the health dreams begin to fade away.

If your New Year's resolution includes a focus on stress reduction, you can reduce the risk of the "gradual fade" by building your new stress reduction activities right into your schedule until they become a new part of your daily life.

In the same way you make sure to add your dentist appointment or oil change into your day timer, the focus and activities for daily relaxation need to be included in the same way.   Sometimes it's just a matter of writing the self-imposed new activity into your time plans, just as you would carve out the time to go get a haircut or pick up groceries.

When it comes to relaxation and stress reduction, it's easy to get in the habit of brushing aside the things that are on the schedule for self-care, such as getting a massage, going to the day-spa, or planning time to read that good book you've been meaning to get to.  Putting these items on the schedule also means keeping those appointments with yourself and not cancelling out because other stressful things have begun to crowd your life.

For your success at the new 2020 resolutions, try to include making a vow to put the new relaxation items on the daily schedule and reinforcing that vow with a promise to oneself to not override those relaxation events when stress starts crowding out the limited time schedule.  Consider these events as essential as laundry and putting gas in the car.  Without them you are not clothed with calm energy or supplied with centered transportation.

In the New Year, make a promise to keep your stress reduction appointments with yourself and be a reliable and steady customer.  The only one that can show up for these events is you.

Thanks to mrhayata for the great photo
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/