Falling Well: Finding your ability to Cope under pressure

Who are you when the going gets rough?  And are you prepared if life gets even rougher?  How will you handle it?  What will you discover about yourself?

We actually have no idea what version of ourselves we will discover in a given situation until we are actually in it.  Will we be brave?  Or run like hell?  And will we be able to tell if and when either one of those responses is or was the right one for us personally.

Catastrophic Thinking is one of the ways we walk ourselves right into a mental corner and become convinced that under certain circumstances we won't be able to cope with a given situation if it were to occur.  We say to ourselves, "I won't be able to handle it."  "That will be too much for me."  "I'm sure that would be the point of no return."  "I can't do it."

One method for countering this kind of thinking is to "decatastrophize" the situation by using a few thought experiments in which you walk a little farther into the situation in your mind and imagine that instead of being paralyzed into inaction, you find your way out.  In other words, rather than allowing your mind to just shut down at the thought of imagining the worse-case scenario, to instead visualize seeing yourself handling the situation to the best of your ability.  Even if it means hardship.

With Catastrophic Thinking we tend to overestimate danger, and underestimate our ability to cope with it.  For instance, as we age we might become fearful of falling.  This can lead to an overestimation of how bad a fall would be, how much damage might come from such a fall, and an underestimation of our ability to handle both the fall and any injuries that might come from the fall.  But a thought experiment, including information about the ways athletes fall and martial artists learn to roll or prevent injury during falls, can give us material to come back to our thinking and imagine a way in which we might cope much better during a fall than we ever imagined.  The Catastrophic thought can be decatastrophized and you create a way in your mind's-eye to see yourself "falling well".  And not only falling well, but recovering from any fall injury, well.

Decatastrophizing includes avoiding the overestimation of danger by looking at our fears more realistically.  This can be used in any number of situations in life where we can reinterpret the situation and see a more realistic view with possibilities and better outcomes.  It also means a more realistic look at our ability to cope in life, based on our history, skills, advanced reasoning, and a better estimation of our ability to stay in the game and cope well in many situations.

Take a look at your most frequent recurring fears and ask yourself if you are overestimating the danger and underestimating your ability to cope.  Rather than continuing to fall into the Catastrophic trap of believing you cannot ever allow bad things to happen because you wouldn't be able to handle it, try on the thought experiment of decatastrophizing the situation in your mind.  It makes all of the difference in the world between becoming paralyzed with fear, and pushing your comfort zone.  

You can read more about Catastrophic Thinking and Faulty Thinking Styles from my March, 2018 blog entry here

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do"     ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks to Lisa Ann Yount for the great image, https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/deed.en

Relapse Prevention: Stress and the Holidays

Did you know that Christmas Day is the busiest day for alcohol deliveries?  And another interesting fact, is that most people in the United States who drink alcohol tend to nearly double their use between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, leading to a 40% increase in sales for many liquor stores, and a 116% increase in alcohol-related auto fatalities on New Year's Eve.  It's also one of the toughest times of the year for those who are trying to recover from alcoholism and other substance abuse addictions, as they try to maintain their recovery and sobriety.

It would be too simple to say that it's just negative feelings and emotions, such as grief or loneliness, that lead to increased substance abuse during the holidays, as joyful celebrations and time spent with loved ones also lead to the same kinds of struggles and relapses.  But one thing that is common among all the various emotions that lead to relapse and abuse of substances is stress.  And as we all know, what is stressful for some is not stressful for all, but everyone has something they find stressful about the holidays.  Whether it's picking up relatives at the airport, or being the one trying to catch a flight in a snow storm.  So the demand for stress management is never quite as high as it is during the holidays.

The first step toward reducing the stress that can trigger your holiday relapse is to know your triggers.  For some people their trigger is lack of sleep, and for others it is being around certain people.  But knowing what usually sets off your emotions (positive or negative) in the direction of relapses is top on the list of relapse prevention strategies.

In addition, have an exit plan.  In other words, how will you avoid getting pulled in by your triggers?  When that certain relative does that certain thing that always sets you off (and you knew it was coming or only a matter of time), what is your plan going to be to not get pulled in?  Will you move to a different room, would stepping outside for a break do the trick, or could focusing on conversation with someone else be the key.

Also, knowing the key emotions to avoid or remedy can put you ahead of the curve when it comes to relapse prevention.  For instance, if loneliness is something that can tip you over the edge to seek out your substance of choice, then plan ahead to make sure you are with others who support you and your sobriety.

Most of all, planning ahead with a well-thought-out relapse prevention plan can be your best strategy and help you avoid mistakes and downfalls that can only deaden your momentum and progress. 

You can find a list of 14 tips for relapse prevention here, offered by the NAS (National Addictions Specialists). You can also find my prior blog entry from May of 2024 Relapse Prevention: Making Changes Now to Be Ready Later, which talks about how to build your relapse prevention plan, including a nice link to Psych Central's article on Relapse Prevention.

"I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgence.  Caring for myself is an act of survival."     ~Audre Lorde

Thanks to Julia 2006 for the great photo (cropped), https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en