Monday, February 3, 2020

Reducing Anxiety and Stress using Cognitive Reframing

Perspective is the way we view things.  Our frame of reference.  And the way we see things is very important since it has a strong influence on the way we make our decisions and eventually end up feeling.  So making sure that the way we view things is as realistic as possible is key in reducing our stress and anxiety.

Cognitive Restructuring is the way that therapists help individuals learn to identify the types of faulty thinking styles they've been using, and once learned it's just called Cognitive Reframing, which is something you can do on your own in your everyday life.  It was developed by Aaron Beck, who was the same man that developed Cognitive therapy, and it's as easy as ABCDE...

Here's how it works:

A= Activating Event (i.e., an event or events is happening in your world)
B= Belief (i.e., you use faulting beliefs to filtering those events through your mind)
C= Consequences (i.e., negative feelings result from the way you think and filter the events)
D= Disputations (i.e., learning to dispute the negative thinking styles with facts and evidence)
E= Emotions (i.e., the new and more comfortable emotions you experience as a result)


A= Your boss gives you an evaluation and says that your could work a little bit faster
B= You filter that comment through a faulty belief that your boss never appreciates your work
C= As a result you start to feel depressed and angry and think about finding a new job
D= Then you challenge your belief by recalling your boss compliments you quite often
E= The result is a calmer feeling and a realistic awareness that one critique does not end all

Here is a link to read more about some of the most frequently used faulty thinking styles.

And yes, we all use some of them sometimes, and some of us use all of them sometimes!  Try to identify which of the faulty thinking styles you use most often and practice disputing them with more rational thinking.  What you will find in the end is that the way you feel can change and your stress and anxiety can find relief.

Thanks to Nikky for the great photo

Monday, January 6, 2020

Reducing Stress: Putting your New Year's Resolution on the schedule

New Year's resolutions get a bad rap.  Sometimes folks are afraid to even make them for fear they will be broken before January 31st.  Many fitness centers know this drill well.  New membership rises just after the first of the year and new arrivals fill the centers with people full of vigor and determination.  But by February and March, the facilities fall back to normal attendance as all the health dreams begin to fade away.

If your New Year's resolution includes a focus on stress reduction, you can reduce the risk of the "gradual fade" by building your new stress reduction activities right into your schedule until they become a new part of your daily life.

In the same way you make sure to add your dentist appointment or oil change into your day timer, the focus and activities for daily relaxation need to be included in the same way.   Sometimes it's just a matter of writing the self-imposed new activity into your time plans, just as you would carve out the time to go get a haircut or pick up groceries.

When it comes to relaxation and stress reduction, it's easy to get in the habit of brushing aside the things that are on the schedule for self-care, such as getting a massage, going to the day-spa, or planning time to read that good book you've been meaning to get to.  Putting these items on the schedule also means keeping those appointments with yourself and not cancelling out because other stressful things have begun to crowd your life.

For your success at the new 2020 resolutions, try to include making a vow to put the new relaxation items on the daily schedule and reinforcing that vow with a promise to oneself to not override those relaxation events when stress starts crowding out the limited time schedule.  Consider these events as essential as laundry and putting gas in the car.  Without them you are not clothed with calm energy or supplied with centered transportation.

In the New Year, make a promise to keep your stress reduction appointments with yourself and be a reliable and steady customer.  The only one that can show up for these events is you.

Thanks to mrhayata for the great photo

Monday, December 9, 2019

Greed and Holiday Stress

In Buddhism, greed is considered to be one of the three poisons, alongside ignorance and anger (or hatred).  Greed is an interesting concept when you think about it.  It means:  "A selfish and excessive desire for more of something".

If you need several million dollars to retire that's one thing, but to want several million dollars just because a few hundred thousand, or a few thousand is not enough for your desire, then you are being greedy.

During the Holidays we can see the worst of people's greed show itself.  "I want" is a frequent comment we hear as people list off all the things they want for Christmas.  "I want a new bike", "I want a new video game", or "I want money".

In America the facts show that only 1% of the richest people in the country hold a much larger portion of the countries wealth.  But no matter if you have or don't have wealth, your leaning towards greed can vary.  A very wealthy person can be quite satisfied with the amount and things they have (and generously share it, as well), while a very average income-maker might continue to want things and money in excess of their ability.  As the definition goes, greed is "selfish" and "excessive".  It's beyond what is actually needed and is wrapped up in the individual's desire for more.

In the United States we are nearly all guilty of greed.  We want more money, more things, bigger homes, nicer cars, more food, more substances, and the more we get the more we continue to want.  The holidays reflect this to excess in things such as the store-front rushes on Black Friday, where shoppers push, shove, and even punch one another to grab the first of an electronic device that has already been stocked up to sell for the day to anyone coming in.

Many elderly people who know they have already lived the majority of their lives--and have begun to downsize and simplify--will many times say, "I don't need anything" when asked what they want for a holiday gift.  Or, they might state only one item that they actually need.  "Just get me some slippers", they say.  Knowing that the ones they have are beginning to wear out.  We can take a lesson from their wisdom.

Greed can be stressful and cause increased stress among those around you.  That's why it's important to keep your desires in check during the holidays.  What's enough?  Ask yourself this frequently while shopping, cooking, spending, and especially when taking in substances like alcohol, sugar and marijuana.  When asked, "What do you want for Christmas?," stop for a moment and consider the giver who may be strapped for money, or worried that whatever they get you might not be "good enough".  Be simply in your desires, and simple in your giving.

Happy Holidays!

Thanks to William Brawley for the great holiday photo

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Lower Thanksgiving Stress by Keeping it Simple

In America, from Halloween until New Years, stress levels tend to rise.  There are many things that perpetuate this trend, such as increased shopping, spending, eating and outward focus, as the holiday season is about giving and sharing time with family and friends.

One of the reasons the holidays have become so hectic is because over the generations, we've tended to make these events much more complicated than they need to be.  In fact, simplifying these events can bring back the joy and reduce stress levels for everyone.

For Thanksgiving this year, keep in mind that you don't have to prepare a large event gathering all by yourself.  Though it is a large feasting event, there is no need for there to be multiple things for one person to prepare.  This only leads to feeling overwhelmed with keeping track of it all.  Be sure to reduce your load by asking everyone who attends to help out by bringing a dish.  This not only helps the person(s) preparing the main meal, but also gives attendees something to do so they can feel they've contributed to the event.

Once people arrive, have simple tasks ready to assign out to anyone offering to help.  There are a number of things others can do to participate in the preparation of the main meal, such as chopping foods, setting the table, carving the meat, pouring wine, greeting guests, etc.  If you are a guest, be sure to show your thanks by offering to do some of these helpful things.

Thanksgiving is about gathering to give thanks.  So be ready to step back and let conversations unfold.  Consider a living room gathering during dessert in which each person is given the opportunity to express what they are thankful for.  Leave some various board games accessible for people who want to play and converse, and stay mindful about what you are personally thankful for as you include yourself in the unfolding festivities. 

There is no need to complicate the event by adding in shopping, which pulls people away from the event and distracts from the festivities.  Something to consider instead is a traditional after-dinner movie, such as A Christmas Carol, or Scrooge.  Or maybe traditional holiday cartoons to keep it light and fun.  Allow plenty of time for visiting with your guests, since this gathering together is really what it's all about.

Keeping the holidays simple is the best way to keep your stress and anxiety at a minimum.  You want to be able to enjoy it and capitalize on the opportunity to relax, catch your breath, and most of all... remember what you are thankful for.

Thanks to Martin Cathrae for the great holiday photo

Friday, October 11, 2019

Relaxing with the Mindful practice of Tea Time.

Sometimes the simplest form of relaxation is found in the simplest of activities, like sitting down for a relaxing cup of tea.  You can add it to your daily relaxation routine--be it sitting for meditation, or adding it to your mindful meal, or reading time.

To keep it as simple as possible, try applying mindfulness to your tea time routine.  In other words, be present for everything from getting the tea pot, to selecting the tea cup.

If you invite all of your senses to be a part of the present moment of this activity, you become more aware of the smell, sight, sound, feel and taste of everything you are doing.

If your thoughts wander during this task, just notice that they have done so.  Then, without judgment--and especially without self-judgement--bring your focus back to the task at hand.  And if the mind wanders again, repeat!

Notice the feel of the cup, the sight of the steam rising, and the sound of the boiling water.  Take the time to smell the tea as you pour or prepare it.

Without judgment means without deciding "good or bad", "right or wrong way", "enjoyable or non-enjoyable", "tasty or bitter", etc.  In other words, you are not placing a judgment of any kind on the task.  You are in the moment of tea moment without moving into labeling and judging the tea moment.  It is "just this" tea moment.

Your tea does not have to be that of an expert or that of an amateur.  It can be expensive loose leaf tea or a bag of that you grew up with from the grocery store.  It doesn't matter if it's herbal or decaffeinated.  There is no one judging your authenticity.  It's just you, the aroma, the smoothness of the cup, the warmth of the tea, and the mindfulness of each sip.  There is no way it should be, and no way it ought not to be, nor is there any comparison of how it's done by others.

It's just tea, in this moment, with full awareness.  Watching thoughts come and go, and returning to the present moment.  Noticing your breath come and go, and returning to the present.  Repeatedly returning to the moment is a practice of meditation.  And staying in the present moment in this way is to be in the only place that actually ever exists.  That is, in this never-ending and yet, ever-changing, unfolding moment.

Thanks to Sheila Sund for the great photo

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Transforming Suffering to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

In Buddhism the lotus flower is very symbolic for the path of enlightenment.  It's the lotus flower that grows up out of muddy water and represents a person's journey through suffering in life (i.e., rising up out of that mud to become a beautiful flower).  It's actually the mud itself that makes you strong.  Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a book about this called, "No Mud, No Lotus:  The Art of Transforming Suffering."  

Now, this doesn't mean we should go around looking for things to suffer about.  Life offers plenty of suffering just as it is.  What does happen, however, is that we need to be alert to the ways we make great, and even elaborate attempts to avoid suffering and this is what causes our suffering.  In other words, we can't avoid the realities of life.  Sickness and death come, and discomfort is sometimes a part of our daily living.  We can't always have what we'd like or live in the luxury we'd prefer.  And it is the desire for things to be other than what they actually are, that leads to the most suffering.

There are lots of ways we try to avoid suffering:  Drugs and alcohol, shopping, sex, gambling, entertainment, money, workaholism, eating, etc.  If we give these up, we return to experiencing the realities of life.  That is, that sometimes there might not be something to fill your time, or sometimes there are losses, breakups, empty feelings.  Sometimes we are depressed, sad, tearful, lonely, and yet if we try to escape these by filling the time with some of the above bad habits, it only makes life worse.

So learning to suffer through some of this mud in life is key to finding our way to reducing stress and anxiety, or challenging depression and sadness.  Learning to endure the discomforts that life can serve us is important and it's this "mud" that makes us strong enough to grow up out of it, and rise above the waterline in life to bloom as the lotus flowers we are.

The lotus flower grows up and out of the water and stands prominently above it with bright colors of white, red, pink, gold, etc.  These flowers shine in the sun and have multiple pedals which are also symbolic for the beauty of one's enlightenment.  But none of this would happen without the mud (the struggle and suffering) that this great flower is rooted in.

So too with you, that you must learn to endure the difficulties in life and not expect it to be other than what it really is.  Sometimes we have natural and normal anxiety and sometimes we are not always so happy.  The good news is that none of these states is permanent and you can be sure they (and you) will change and transform, just like the lotus flower does.

Thanks to Rajeev K for the great photo

Monday, August 5, 2019

Mass Shootings: Discouraged? Encourage others!

Oh boy... how many times have I written here in this blog about how we should take care of ourselves after mass shootings.  Seems I hardly get going on other topics, and back we are again on the topic of dealing with the stress of yet another mass shooting, again!

I continue to hear from more and more people about how discouraged they are about these kinds of things and how they are worried about "the state of the world" and "the way humanity is going".  It seems people are losing confidence in one another and giving up on hope for the potential of human kind.

I've heard that the way to become less discouraged, is to encourage others.  I suppose the reason is because when you need to encourage someone else about something you yourself feel a bit discouraged over, you have to dig deep and challenge your own discouraged thinking in order to see the places where things could get better or don't have to go so poorly.

So let me help myself, by helping you with the best anti-discouragement message I can find as I dig deep into the creative juices of my sense of self in order to help you the reader to not give up hope on humanity during a time in which most of us are quite baffled about how poorly some human beings are behaving.

First of all, if you are feeling powerless about the state of things in this world, I encourage you to take a second look at that belief and realize that you have more ability and power than you realize to make a difference.  You don't have to tackle the largest problem on the planet or in your state or even your community, but you do have the power to do something more about the problems you feel powerless over than you care to admit.

Second, believing that the tiny bit you can do is meaningless, unimportant, insignificant and won't even be a drop in the bucket of needs on this planet is also a belief that will stop you from even making a move on the few things you are capable of doing, which could actually make a difference and even soften your discouragement.

Third, it's imperative that you recognize where you fall on the scale of consciousness in this world.  If you are fairly unconscious, with head down and your sights set only on how to survive from moment to moment, you may be simply taking care of your basic survival needs.  And that's fine!  But if you are one of the many on this planet who is privileged enough to be more conscious than that, with less of your "basic needs" unmet, capable of looking up from the grindstone, and are able to do more to change this world, then you need to take more responsibility for your place in this world and stop waiting for someone else to take the first step.

Finally, put an end to thinking that "doing something" can't be too small, or has to be huge.  As if only some enormously famous, outstanding, massive piece of work, progress, or accomplishment, will be worthwhile or help to change this world.  Writing this article is something.  Can you write?  Paint?  Volunteer?  Offer?  Create?  Teach?  Donate?  Support?  Can you encourage someone else?

If you are feeling stressed by the state of the world or feeling discouraged by the negative events of your fellow human beings, recognize that you have the power to do something rather than nothing.  Don't wait for someone else to create a to-do list for you.  Make your own list.  Make it positive!  Do something instead of nothing, and don't buy into the discouraging beliefs that might convince you to not even try, or to hang it all up and shake your head in despair.

If you are a lit candle, light the candle next to you.  If you are lit by another, then light someone else on fire.  If you are not able to burn, or light the wick of someone else, that's okay too.  Encourage those who can and don't feed the fire of discouragement.  Take a deep breath and realize these massive problems we face cannot be ignored.  We must stay resilient and strong in the face of them and though we may feel discouragement, don't let it take root and don't give it your power.

Thanks to Luigi Mengato for the great photo