In the 1980s many therapy and addiction circles had a saying that "denial" is more than just a river in Egypt. Denial can be anything from an initial protective reaction (such as when we are told a loved one has died), all the way to serious denial about damaging addictions or other behaviors. It is saying or deciding that something is untrue. We can deny that we did or said something we did not do, and we can deny that the sky is green if someone tries to tell us it is. But denying something is true when it is in fact true, is a different kind of denial.
At some point most of us are nudged out of denial about the many things we find uncomfortable. For instance, that we are either spending too much, drinking too much, exercising too much, haven't dealt with a personal issue yet, or need to accept that something is or isn't actually true. But denial becomes a problem when it starts to get out of control, and that time is when we deny those things that really need to be seen, accepted, or acknowledged in order for life to run realistically, safely, and smoothly.
Sometimes we might not actually realize how stressed out we are until the signs and symptoms of anxiety begin to show themselves in factual form. And even then, many people will still deny they are actually having problems. Any number of physical symptoms can be traced back to a stressful lifestyle or stressful life situation that might have been unexpected, such as death, job loss, financial hardship, illness, and so on. We can recognize we've gone into denial when we realize we are acting "as if" something is other than what it really is.
For instance, if we know that a loved one has passed away but we are still setting a table setting for them at the dinner table, we are acting "as if" they are still alive or might come through the door at any moment, rather than living with an awareness that they have actually passed away. In addition, sometimes parents will maintain their child's bedroom long after they have grown and moved out because they don't really want to accept that they are gone and living their own lives elsewhere. They maintain a home existence "as if" their child is still living there or might just return to their former place in the household.
When it comes to stress and anxiety we may similarly find that we are living "as if" there is no need for rest, relaxation, meditation, or quiet time. Instead, we may be acting "as if" our body is a machine that can run non-stop, doesn't need sleep or nourishment, and can function without any sense of exposure to nature. When physicians tell patients that the reason for their low vitamin D is lack of sunshine, many people are surprised. In addition, when they are told that their headaches might be caused by too much time at the computer, eye and neck strain, shoulder tension, and lack of sleep, modern day humans carry on "as if" those signs and symptoms are possible, but of little consequence.
The truth is that the toll taken on us for ignoring our daily and hourly signs of stress are enormous. We now know that stress can enhance the speed of growth in some forms of cancer, and ask anyone who has participated in sleep research (either as a patient or researcher) and they will tell you that lack of adequate rest leads to errors and accidents. When stress and anxiety are denied and life is carried on "as if" that tension does not exist, the human body can begin to unravel.
So how do we work to prevent as much denial as possible about our level of stress at any given moment? We do this by applying the dual-action of: 1) taking serious daily inventory of our lives, and 2) acting on the information we gather from that inventory.
How many hours of sleep are you getting? Are you getting appropriate nutrition? Have you had too much or too little of a substance, such as sugar, salt, caffeine, marijuana, alcohol, drugs, and water. Are you getting enough exercise, physical rest, movement, non-movement, stretching or touch.
And don't forget part two of this dual-action: acting on the information you gather from taking daily inventories is the only way to make the change happen. It's the move from knowing to "doing" that pulls you out of denial and returns you to a better state of awareness where you can see things as they really are.
Denial really is more than just a river in Egypt. It's a very important topic to tackle on your path to coping with stress.
Thanks to S J Pinkney for the great photo of "Sunset on the Nile"
