Reducing Stress with Local Travel Trips

Sometimes traveling can be an adventure, and it's a goal many of us seek in life.  However, it can also lead to a lot of stress and complicated planning that can increase anxiety as the details and intricate pieces of a complicated trip unfold.  That's why considering more simplified local travel trips in your own area can be much more enjoyable and a lot less expensive and taxing.

We tend to always think that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, or at least in someone else's state or country besides our own.  But if you do a little digging, you might realize that many people work to try and come to your own area for things you never knew existed.  Festivals, parades, annual celebrations and gatherings, lakes, mountains, sporting events, unique geological spots like hot springs, and volcanic rock formations.  Most places have some kind of history that makes them special, be that for wildlife, camping and hiking, or just for the local life of breweries, restaurants and unique architecture.

If you tend to feel like you need another entire vacation just to rest up after returning from your vacations, you might need to rethink what you consider a relaxing getaway, and consider new ways to make your plans a lot less stressful.  Staying fairly local, or within your own surrounding state can be less expensive as it doesn't require as much time spent in flight, train or car.  In fact, you can actually spend more time enjoying whatever it is you've gone to do or see.  And if it saves you so much to stay local that you have extra vacation funds left over, then you can spend that on more local things like boating, helicopter tours, museums, interesting new foods, and the plentiful spa, massage, and relaxation offerings in most vacation spots.

We can get stuck believing that a real vacation is one that is loaded with lots of expensive new and unique activities we should bring back to tell others about--as if it's not a real getaway if you can't say that you lived it up, tried new things (i.e. zip lining, skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving, etc.), saw every famous spot and checked one more item off of your bucket list.  But your next vacation getaway does not have to be so elaborate (and stressful).  It's just as fine to bring home stories of full bodied relaxation, soaks in hot natural mineral water, beautiful sunsets, and peaceful mountain lakes that look like glass.

Thanks to Christian Collins for the great photo of Lake of Glass, Rocky Mtn Nat Park, Colorado
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Relaxation and the Power of Beliefs

The human being has a tremendous capacity to be influenced--and to influence--depending on beliefs.  What one believes will have direct bearing on what that individual does, says, teaches, and acts upon.  That's why what we believe needs to be filtered through some sort of reality check that has its finger on the pulse of fact, and at least on the notion of care for all life on earth.

What you believe is what becomes real to you and history has shown that the human being is flawed in its ability to always know what is real, or what is good for it and for human kind.  That's why it's very important to take frequent reality checks into your belief systems to determine what is superstition and what is faulty thinking--what is real and what is yet to be determined?  All will influence the outcome of your life, level of stress, and anxiety.  In addition, it can't be done in a vacuum.  Meaning, you must step outside of your circle, family, group, religion, friends, neighborhood,  and yes--your beliefs, in order to look around a little bit (visually, psychologically, mentally, emotionally) and see what's really going on.

It's always easy for most of us to observe the delusional quality of a cult-like group and its mesmerized members, but much harder for us to see when we ourselves are submerged in such a similar mentality.  Think of elections and your devotion to your political party.  Or your home team.  Or how blinders can come on when a member of your own circle (i.e., family, friend, community) has done something wrong.  Group think has been studied at length and proves that the human mind can be swayed, convinced, and moved to believe things that are not good for it or for others, and that may not even true.

These points are also true when it comes to the reasons that your body becomes anxious and tense.  In most cases, it's based on what you are believing at the present moment.  If you are truly in danger and your body is truly reacting to that danger, then there is no malfunction (i.e., what you believe and what you feel are real).  But when your thinking is faulty, the reaction can be faulty as well.  So anxiety and tension can frequently be attributed to false beliefs about danger that only exists in one's mind, but not in reality.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, people are challenged to take another look at their beliefs.  There are plenty of identified faulty thinking styles that are common with we humans.  Check out the list here and see if you can identify the ones you use the most.  We can't always know things conclusively, but we can work to dispute false beliefs, and search for evidence that those things we believe actually have some foundation to stand on.  It takes practice and time, so be patient with yourself.  We all have faulty thinking of some kind.  The goal is to clear up the fuzzy view the best you can in order to clear up anxiety symptoms that are happening for no realistic reason.

Faulty Thinking Styles:

Mental Filtering
Black and White Thinking
Overgeneralizing
Jumping to Conclusions
Catastrophizing
Personalizing
Control Fallacy
Fallacy of Fairness
Blaming
Shoulds
Emotional Reasoning
Fallacy of Change
Global Labeling
Always Being Right
Heaven's Reward Fallacy

You can find a free printable copy of these at the following link:
PsychCentral

Thanks to Charlie Sedanayasa for the great photo
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Reduce Stress and Anxiety with Moderation

What does it mean to "avoid excessive extremes"?  That's what moderation is.  But how can we know if we've lost our balance with concepts, behavior or activity in a way that has tosses us off balance and moved us into "excess" in one direction or the other?

Learning to practice the Buddhist philosophy of moderation is one way to actively work to maintain balance in life and find peace, which will in turn lead to reduced stress and anxiety.  This concept is folded into something called The Eightfold Path in Buddhism.

The Eightfold Path (also called the Middle Way) has many parts to it, but its main message is to live in moderation so as to not lean toward an extreme in any direction.  Just after Buddha had his awakening or "enlightenment", he immediately began to teach this concept of moderation.  He had experienced firsthand what it was like to live in extremes of self-neglect and starvation, as well as in excessive wealth and sensual indulgence.  He realized that happiness rests somewhere in the middle.

Just after marijuana became legal here in Colorado I began to see an upswing in clients coming to see me who weren't sure anymore how much pot was too much pot.  Once it had become okay to buy and use all they wanted, many folk began to use in excess and had to figure out where their own sense of balance was going to be with it.  But this example holds true for many other things, including alcohol use, eating, gambling, spending, sleeping, sex, working, running, dieting, or really just about anything human beings can and will think, do or believe.  Excess can show up in religious beliefs, in marketing, in war, in meditation, in politics, in working out, and even in intellectualized discourse.  Buddha called the excesses "addictions".  So, it's very important that we stay aware of our need to practice moderation no matter what it is we are doing from moment to moment, and this is done by staying mindful of each of those moments.

There is, of course, much more to the Eightfold Path (which can be studied separately from this article) than just the topic of moderation, but this writing is focusing on the concept of moderation itself.  Try to stay mindful of your own behaviors and desires to repeat what feels good until it becomes excessive.  That's what "chasing a high" is all about.  But also notice how we humans can run from what doesn't feel good, as well.  We move in extremes to avoid discomforts that sometimes would be best for us to learn to endure a little bit, such as cravings, sitting for meditation, patience with rude drivers, tolerating that someone disagrees with us, or the discomfort that comes when we know we need to assert ourselves.

Moderation means we don't isolate or socialize in excess, we don't drink or do drugs to excess, and yet we can still recognize statistics that say a glass of red wine a day can be good for you.  With moderation we are realistic about anxiety and depression, knowing they won't stick around forever and they probably aren't the kinds of human events you will get to the end of your life never having experienced.  But to think they should never come, or that you should never experience them, or that they will always stay, is also excessive.  Our thinking can be excessive as well, as we can see in our unrealistic expectations of partners and friends, or of ourselves.  Just as excessive sleep doesn't help you get to work on time, but lack of sleep can cause you to make dangerous errors if you do get there.

Try to focus more on finding a place of balance in your daily life.  Moderation is a wonderful insight and practice.  It's not easy, and you won't do it perfectly, and trying to do it perfectly is just excessive anyway.  All you can do is try to stay as mindful of moderation in your life as you can.  That's good enough.

Thanks to Ryan Adams for the great photo
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Peace of Mind

What does it really mean to "find peace"?  By definition, peace means a state of quiet tranquility where there are no disturbances, no war, no aggression, and no conflict or hostility.  It's a place of harmony or perhaps a time of calm contentment.

When we are seeking peace we might be looking for a quiet place or gentle environment.  Maybe a break from noise and human congestion.  Peace can be that small coffee shop where not a lot of people go, or it can be your own home library or patio get away where water fountains gently trickle and birds click away in the trees.

Finding peace within the mind, however, is a little tougher and requires training ourselves to stay in the present rather than allowing the mind to wandering off into worry, rumination, or dwelling on regrets about the past.  By the same definition, peace of mind also seeks to find a place of quiet mental tranquility where we are not disturbed by our noisy or aggressive thoughts.  Finding a cognitive place of harmony and calm contentment means staying mindful of what is happening right at this moment.

One method for finding a mindful place of peace is to focus on the senses.  Noticing in this present moment what it is you feel, smell, hear, taste, and see can help to keep your mind from wandering off into the noise and disturbance of thoughts about the past and worries about the future that take you away from this very moment.

Focusing on the senses in the present moment can bring you to full awareness of the meal you are eating, the music you are listening to, the feel of the temperature in the room, the beauty of your surroundings, or the aroma of everything in front of you, be it a cup of coffee or a beautiful flower.

When the mind is trained to stay present it is at a higher state of peace than when it is untrained and living in the past or the future.  A mind that is dwelling on the past, where it lives out the hour or day ruminating about how things "should" have been, or "could" have been, is a mind at war with itself.  And a mind living in the future, where it dwells on the "what ifs" and contemplates the catastrophes that may come, is a mind that can never rest due to that jackhammer noise called "worry".

Peace, and better yet... Peace of Mind, is a quiet and tranquil place, free of unwanted and disturbing thoughts.  It's a place of harmony and calm contentment, in the mind.  You have no greater task in this lifetime than to bring your mind to a place of peace, and there is no greater peace than being fully present in this very moment.

Thanks to Ray MacLean for the great photo
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Stress Reduction and The Quiet Therapy of Morita

In America, starting right around Halloween in October, the energy and activity around the country tends to ramp up and stay that way well through the first of the year.  Consumerism and capitalism show themselves in all their glory as citizens begin to eat more, spend more, do more, drink more, gamble more, shop more and run the race to please all their friends and family with gifts and entertainment they can't afford to give.

People travel and put up real or artificial evergreen trees and decorate everything from home and office, to shop and community center.  They plan large meals for the November and December holiday gatherings of family, friends and coworkers.  And as you can imagine, stress levels rise right along with all the festive activities.

Lucky for us, Mindfulness and Mindfulness Meditation practice made its way to our shores in the 1960's and 70's and has made its mark in helping many people learn to try to stay focused and not let the mind run amok even during times of stress.  But there is another therapy that is very similar to--and includes--mindfulness and mindfulness based cognitive therapy concepts that is not frequently talked about.  A gentle and graceful method that originated in Japan called, Morita.  Morita is one of the best known of five "Quiet Therapies" in Japan, and was created by Shoma Morita.  Like the concepts found in other mindfulness based therapies, its goal is to help people "accept life as it is".

Shoma Morita was a researcher and philosopher who was also trained in Zen Buddhism, so some of his own methods for confronting life are built into Morita Therapy, including that his method has its foundations in ecology or nature, thus helping people learn to follow the natural order of things instead of battle against them.  Morita is one of five Quiet Therapist, which include naikan, seiza, shadan, and Zen.

I like to think of this kind of Quiet Therapy as a "reboot", in the same way one might reboot a computer.  The idea is to shut down first and then gradually reintroduce the realities of life in order to get a fresh start.  Of course the original idea with the four stages of this therapy was to "shut down" the human being by means of hospitalization, and then begin to slowly reintroduce life to that individual in increments, but very few of us really ever need to be hospitalized due to our stress, and so what we mean in everyday life by "shut down" has to be taken as it is relative to your personal life.  Maybe it means a vacation from work and family, maybe it means going on a retreat, maybe it means nothing more than one day off from work for a mental health day.  No matter what method you use to shut off the constant flow of stress that streams into your life on a regular basis, the first stage of shutting down is then followed by a second stage of light activity, and a third stage of heavy activity, and finally a fourth stage of re-entry to life "as it is".  You can read more about Morita Therapy here:  Morita Therapy, and through a book by David Reynolds, called  The Quiet Therapies

So what does this mean for the holidays?  It means that much can be done with a holiday week off.  The week can include a mini "shut down" and restart.  Or, if you don't get the holiday off to shut off the stressors of daily life, consider what you can do come the new year in order to get a brief break to restart your system.  The bombardment of activity, pressures, requirements, stressors and demands (especially in America) cannot constantly go unchecked.  There needs to be an occasional shut down and restart in order for you to stay connected to life as it really is.  Real life has a sunrise and sunset, flowers to see and smell, a body that needs rest, and time limitations that remind you life does not last forever... and you are missing it.

Thanks to Robert Couse-Baker for the excellent photo
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We're all in this Stress Together

You've heard it said that we are all in this life together, and so it follows that we may also experience stress at the same time as our fellow humans, which makes it also true that making attempts to relieve others of their stress can at the same time help to reduce our own.

Unfortunately, I'm once again writing just after another set of mass shootings in the United States, as well as just after the American midterm elections of 2018.  If you don't think your fellow citizens in the US are stressed out, think again.  This stress has reverberations that travel around the world as well, making people uneasy in every country and small community.

It's tempting to pull inside, close the shutters, and let your anxiety get the best of you, but this is actually not a time for that.  Part of the problem is a growing lack of community and support among people, and so trusting less is not the solution.

Instead, I encourage you to see that it's important right now to lift one another up and support one another so that fear does not get the best us.  There are little things you can do every day that help to reduce the stress of your fellow neighbor.  From complimenting them on something they do well, to thanking them for something they've done for you or for others.

Since the holiday season is coming fast, we will be giving thanks for all that we are grateful for, as well as celebrating a festive and even spiritual idea of what this time of year means to each of us, personally. I encourage you to recognize your connection to others and to heighten your awareness that your stress is a reflection of their stress as well.  Try to do things that help to reduce the stress of others.  In doing so, you recognize you are in this world right alongside them and in reducing their stress, you also reduce your own.

Here are some ideas for you to try that could reduce your stress, and the stress of those around you:

*Consider having a holiday gathering that includes the widest array of diverse people you can think of.  This can bring people together, let those in targeted groups feel welcome, assure others that there are safe places, and remind us all that not every situation must include conflict.

*If you see people in the community who seem frightened right now, find a way to let them know you are a safe person.  That you are not hate filled, rejecting, or unable to discuss an issue or hear a view you disagree with without raising your voice or becoming violent.

*Learn as much as you can about the concept of compromise

*Practice your listening skills which, by the way, are not just sitting silent and nodding.  They include active participation, questions of interest, engaged body language, and requests for clarification so you can more deeply understand what another person is saying.

*Show genuine interest in the views of others and how they came to them.  Even if you disagree.

*Pay compliments to others that are not just about looks, success, money, or accomplishments.  Tell them you loved a meal they made, or thank them for something they did, or let them know what qualities you appreciate about them.

*Let people know what you are hopeful about in life.  Do you see things will get better?  Do you have confidence in your fellow humans?  Are there signs of life you can point out to those who are discouraged?  Don't be a Pollyanna, but if you have a positive outlook, try to help the discouraged see what you see. 

Keep in mind that you are not the only one that is stress out about the way things are going right now in the United States.  However, you are a part of the solution.  By actively participating in bringing down the stress level of those around you, you actively work to bring yours down as well.

Thanks to oatsy40 for the great photo (cropped)
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Compromise: Reducing Stress by finding the Middle Ground

Polarization seems to be a growing fad in the United States, and even globally, really.  Opponents of one side of an issue dig in their heels and close their minds and ears to hearing from those who disagree with them, or who may have differing views to present.

A lot of stress is created when those who disagree with each other refuse to take steps to meet halfway.  This can only be done by means of the apparent lost art of compromise, which is something we are in short supply of lately.  Yet compromise could be the solution to a lot of situations that are leading to a growing amount of stress in communities across the country.  Learning about compromise and improving your skill at it can help you be a part of the solution in your own community, family, and workplace.  And we all know that getting things corrected in these smaller arenas leads to correction nationally.

Let's begin with the definition of compromise:  "an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions."  What does concessions mean?  It means that you give in a little bit by giving up something.  Notice that compromise is not that each side makes more demands, or more insistences, or is more forceful than the other side, or even attempts to "win" by any means possible.  Instead, a compromise is when opponents of BOTH sides of an issue, give up something in order to give in just enough to meet the other side halfway.  Also notice, it does not mean that just one side gives in, but that BOTH sides give in.

If Sue wants dinner at 7pm and Sarah wants dinner at 5pm, a compromise is to meet halfway and have dinner at 6pm.  If Bill wants a salary raise of $5000 a year and the budget suggests only $4000, maybe a compromise could be made to raise Bill's salary by $4500 to keep a good employee and not break the bank.  These kinds of compromises happen because each side is willing to give in a little bit (i.e., make concessions).

Where problems begin to happen is when one or both sides refuse to give up their demands and feel entitled to get their way without compromises.  In fact, more and more we hear the phrase, "We are not willing to make concessions."  Which is basically saying that one is not willing to give up anything at all in order to meet another halfway.

Here are some ideas to help you practice learning to compromise on a more frequent basis in order to prevent relationship or conversational problems from bogging down into stagnation.

*Before approaching a conflict, debate, conversation, ask yourself what areas of the topic or issue at hand you would be willing to give up or let go of a little, as these are the least significant areas in which you would have concessions to offer.

*Determine where your own moral and ethical boundary will be on any given issue so you know where you are able to give in a little and let some things go.  Don't dwell on what you refuse to give up, but on what you are willing to let go of.

*Try to determine in what areas you actually agree or could agree partially with any opposing view so that you are able to verbalize that you can see, or partially see, your opponent's point of view.  This is a place you can honestly say, "I give you that."  That is a concession.

*Keep the end goal in mind.  This helps you push yourself a little harder to try for a compromise instead of tossing the end goal out the window because you can't have your way.  The aim is to move things forward through compromise, not get bogged down in stubborn refusals.

Creating a system of compromise in your family, workplace and community helps to create a system that lets everyone know they will be treated fairly.  If only one person in the family, community or workplace always got their way and no compromises were ever made, others would feel slighted and only stress would follow.  Compromise is a great art to develop individually and collectively.  It's what democracy is all about.

Thanks to Amtecphotos for the great photo
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